Scandal: After Suspicion
by This Rhythm
Summary: Now that everything Reed, Noelle, and all the Billings girls worked for is gone, they decide they're not going down without a fight. Little do they know, not everyone has the best interest as they do. And in Reed's case, that's not always good.
1. Hello, Goodbye

Hello, Goodbye

"Ready?" asked Noelle. She was in my room, all dolled to go to New York with her family and mine. She looked stunning as usual, as she stood there with her turquoise Donna Karen dress on, which accentuated her perfect body. I took one last look in the mirror and nodded.

"Yeah. Let's go" I said, while gathering my purse. I opted for a black Betsy Johnson pencil skirt and white blouse. As we stepped out into Pemberly's dreary hallways, I couldn't help but laugh how glamorous we looked. "Wow, we _so_ don't fit in Pemberly" I said while gesturing to our clothes.

Noelle scoffed and said "The hell we don't. I have no idea how you managed to stay alive in this place." I looked at Noelle questionably until she noticed how wrong the word choice was. "Sorry. I mean, I never thought I would have to sleep in this shit hole, but lo and behold! Here I am, rotting my ass away in Pemberly" she shuddered.

I laughed as we went down the stairs. "Tell me about it."

After the initial shock of Billings being torn down was gone, all the former Billing girls had to sleep in Pemberly, respectively. There wasn't enough room for everyone, so some people had to do a triple. Horrid, I know. The first night was a total uproar. Noelle wasn't going down without a fight; she bossed everyone around, made arrangements to her own liking, and made sure nobody dared to cross either one of us. Ivy and Noelle had a little spat, but it quieted down after a while. However, there was some talk that a few people would live in the freshmen and sophomore dorms. And did I mention Noelle was rooming with Ivy now? I was too preoccupied in my own thoughts to even think about _that_.

I had finally seen Josh, and all he gave me was a blank stare. A part of me hoped that he would be happy to see me. That instead of asking dumb questions and acting weird, he would talk to me and everything would be alright. But it wasn't. He acted like Dopey from Snow White.

After our little meeting outside, I never saw Josh again. That was fine, because I still wasn't ready to face him yet. Every time I thought about him, I would get a nauseous feeling in my stomach, probably from anxiety. I would see Ivy because she was my next door neighbor, and that didn't really help. She was extremely nice to me, despite the fact I got her shot. Only a day had passed by, and I already had a headache. So all in all, I was very confused.

As Noelle and I stepped out into the cold, brisk air of Connecticut, I happened to see two people walking across the quad, coming our way. At first, I thought one of the, was Upton; that was impossible for he was a thousand miles away, until I realized my own foolishness and saw that it was Sawyer with Gage. The boys spotted us and waved.

Noelle groaned. "I'm so not in the mood to deal with Gage right now."

I laughed. "Whatever, they're still coming our way."

"Where do you guys think you're going?" asked the ever so cocky Gage as he and Sawyer approached us. Both were wearing long black coats, pink in the face from the cold.

Sawyer smiled at me as he approached us. "Hey Reed." He looked over at Noelle and simply said "Noelle." Noelle got the vibe, but chose to only roll her eyes a bit.

"Reed and I are going to New York for the day to spend time with our families" stated Noelle. She linked an arm around mine and started to drag me. "So if you'll excuse us boys, we need to leave."

I _tisked_ her and unhooked my arm from Noelle's. "What are you guys doing early in the morning?" I asked.

"Well, it _is_ breakfast time, so I thought I should show Sawyer here how we roll in the mornings" explained Gage. He slapped Sawyer on the back. Sawyer only looked dismayed.

"You mean how _you_ roll" I clarified.

"Touché, touché. Besides, Mr. Bookworm simply could not _wait_ to get a super old copy of a book in the library. So he dragged me along" said Gage. I looked over to Sawyer's hands and saw a book called _The Black Robe_ by Wilkie Collins, whoever the hell he was. Sawyer saw both Noelle and I looking at his book, and he ostentatiously put it aside.

"I guess we should let you guys go" said Sawyer. I looked at my cell phone and saw that it was already 9:20.

"Sawyer, you just read my mind. Come on Reed, we're running late" mentioned Noelle, and she started to leave.

"You to Sawyer, I'm freezing my ass out here" added Gage. Just like Noelle, he left, leaving us alone.

Noelle had all ready started to open the car door, and gestured that I follow her. "Hold on a sec Noelle!" I turned and faced Sawyer. "Hey, if you need anything, just come and find me. I don't think either one of us want Gage to show you how the school runs" I added. Sawyer and I laughed, and I instantly felt warmer despite the cold.

"Same goes for you Reed." He looked at me with those grey/brown eyes, and he was truly sincere about what he just said. I swallowed and smiled.

"I know" I said quietly. We were now talking about other needs, not normal ones. I tensed up, but I knew it was alright to talk about these things to Sawyer. After all, he had saved me twice, and we both knew what it felt like to lose someone.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a blonde haired boy coming out of Ketlar, carrying an easel with him. Ohmigod, it was Josh. What was up with fate?

Josh continued to walk, until he noticed the commotion by the gates. He looked up and saw Sawyer and I standing next to each other. He stopped for a second, taking in the sight in front of him. In stages, he slowly realized that I was standing next to Sawyer. I could've sworn I saw some judgment and hurt in his face, but he continued to stand and stare.

No way was I going to let him look at me like that. I had every reason to talk to Sawyer. Anger bubbled in me; I was now releasing the frustration I had developed over the past day and a half. After giving me a blank stare and making me stay up all night, I was not going to let Josh slip by. So I did the unthinkable.

I threw my arms around Sawyer's neck, and kissed him on the cheek. I burned over the fact that Josh was probably looking at me and that I was probably giving the wrong idea to Sawyer. Sawyer was taken aback, but he lightly wrapped his strong arms around me. "Thanks Sawyer" I said. I quickly released him and started to head towards the car before I did anything else stupid. "See ya!" I half yelled. I was still blushing at my actions. He only nodded and waved at me. I could see his face becoming more red every with every passing second.

I opened the car door and went inside. I took a peek outside the window, and saw Josh stomping his way back to Ketlar and Sawyer heading that way also. Oh God, I couldn't believe I just did that.

"What was that all about?" asked Noelle curiously.

I tried to look as casual as I could. "What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

"You honestly don't know what I'm talking about?" retorted Noelle, all the while raising a perfect eyebrow.

I shrugged and said "Enlighten me." Noelle gave me one hard look and looked out the window. She smirked, and leaned forward to tell the driver to get moving.

It was virtually impossible to lie in front of Noelle.

* * *

**here you go folks, first chapter of scandal. god, i feel like a loser for already having this done, when i just finished suspicion on friday. my mom is always wondering why i'm on word half the time i'm at home. anyway, i was at home sick and i got bored, so why not post another story, eh? **

**well, what do you think? i know its started off really boring, but i hate long chapters. review please! they would be appreciated. **


	2. Honest Mistake

Honest Mistake

Although we left Easton at 9:30 and got to New York at about 11:30-ish, we somehow managed to get stuck in one of the worst traffic jams ever for an extra hour and a half. Everybody who wanted to sight see in New York City just dumped their cars in the busy streets of New York, and there was no possible way we were going to get to lunch in time.

Noelle was fervently texting away on her phone, until she suddenly looked up at me. "Ok so here's the deal. We are going to ignore my dad, because he didn't even bother to save Billings. But still be polite ok? Rudeness doesn't fly in Upper East Side restaurants. Trust me, I know" she said matter-of-factly.

I furrowed my eyebrows at her. "I can't be mad at your dad! He was extremely nice to me during winter break. And besides, your dad did try to reason with Mr. Hathaway, so don't be so mad at him."

She turned and fully faced me. "What do you mean, my dad tried to reason with Mr. Hathaway? I highly doubt that, since Billings was torn down anyway." Noelle made a face, showing her disapproval.

"No, no Sawyer told me. He was the one who overheard them arguing. He said something like your dad was arguing that it's not right, but he eventually gave in." Now that I thought about it, I wondered how Mr. Lange relented to tearing Billings down. Sure, he didn't seem like the most lovable father, but he obviously cared about Noelle. Headmaster Hathaway must have good reasoning skills to get Mr. Lange to step down.

"Huh. Whatever, I'm still mad. I mean, he could've warned me, you know?" she shrugged and looked out the window.

"Uh Noelle, you were warned- by me. But you didn't believe me," I stated.

Noelle sighed. "I know it's just…kinda sucks. It's my last semester here…I mean now that there's no Billings, the unworthy girls will probably raise a mutiny or something. Like take advantage of us," she said expressing her concerns.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah ok, we'll see about that. Besides, no one messes with Noelle Lange now, do they?"

She took a deep breath, and ruffled her hair. "No…and I don't know why they would…" she smirked and I laughed. Noelle looked out the window. "We're almost here. We _were_ planning to go to Central Park, but I don't think we will be able to do that…" She took out her phone, and started dialing a number. "Daddy? Sorry about the wait, it's just the traffic…Are we still planning to go to Central Park?" She shook her head a bit. "Ok, we'll go straight there. Bye," she ended rather coldly.

"So?"

"So, we are going to eat first, and then go to Central Park. Probably do some sightseeing after that, if you guys are up for it."

I shrugged. "That'll be cool." Noelle then leaned forward to tell the driver to head to the restaurant instead of the park. As I looked out the window, I couldn't help but marvel how beautiful New York was. The people bustling, the shops…I wanted to be these people, already living their lives. I wanted to be free.

We started to speed up, and the traffic loosened. We were now heading towards the posh side of town, and the shops became more glamorous and the people screamed money and wealth. The driver turned a corner, and stopped in front of a very fancy restaurant. It looked like it had a lower and upper level, and it oozed dollar bills. There were mini statues of polo players out in the front, I'd like to think. It was classy and I immediately loved it. "What's this place called?" I asked Noelle.

She was fixing her hair and was applying her signature red Stila lip gloss. "It's called 21 Club. It can take about a month or two to get reservations." Holy crap, a month? Two months? Just to get reservations? This was insane. I suddenly wondered what my family was thinking about this. The driver opened her door. "Come on, let's go." I obliged and headed out.

When we got inside the restaurant, it took every ounce of me not to drool right now. It was gorgeous. Just plain gorgeous. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. Immediately, a middle-aged woman came to us, smiling warmly. "Hello and welcome to 21 Club. I'm assuming you ladies are attending lunch with the Lange's?" Her and her perfect grammar. This place was all about sophistication.

"Yes."

"Follow me." She led us through the middle of the restaurant; we were apparently going upstairs. I happened to catch glimpses of a bar that had sports memorabilia stuck on the ceiling, and a truly exquisite main dining hall. I loved it.

We started to climb cherry wood stairs, and we finally got to the top, I was even more amazed. It was all white, with different shades of blue and cherry wood. It was just as large as the main dining hall. Out the window you could see the Hudson River, dark and mysterious. It was a private dining hall. "Wow," I said under my breath. Noelle sniggered.

"Here you go ladies," she said while pointing to our families. "I'll take your jacket…" we handed off her jacket. "Enjoy the rest of your lunch." She smiled warmly and left. I turned around and saw both of our families sitting in one of the corner tables, not talking and they looked awkward. I immediately saw my mom, dad, and Scott. I was so happy to see them.

"Mom! Dad! Scott!" I said, while extending out my arms to greet them. I hurried over to my dad and hugged him. I breathed in his middle class sweet scent, and I instantly felt at home.

He hugged me back. "I missed you kiddo," he simply stated. I released him and went to mom. To be honest, I really didn't want her here. After all the drug abuse and making me feel ashamed of where I grew up, it was hard to accept her back in my life. But after seeing her all dressed up and looking as healthy as ever, I felt ashamed for thinking that way.

"Hey mom," I said while I went to hug her. It was a true, honest hug.

"Hey there sweetie. How are you?" she asked.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I forgot that my parents were notified about my recent predicaments. I felt horrible for making them worry about me. I then went over to Scott as he smiled smugly.

"Hey loser. You had me worried for a couple of weeks there," he confessed while he wrapped his arms around mine. I hugged him back even harder.

"Aw, you missed me." We both laughed; I was so happy. I let go of Scott and went over to Mr. and Mrs. Lange. "Thank you so much for inviting me, and my family."

Mr. Lange looked down at his feet, a little embarrassed. "It's no problem. After everything, I feel like we kind of are family." Mrs. Lange smiled at me warmly. "Come, let's sit and eat."

We ordered our food, and I couldn't help but realize that the prices weren't listed on the menu. It was unusually quiet, with Noelle and I doing most of the talking, but occasionally her parents talking too. To sum it all up, it was uncomfortable. My family had no idea how to act in front of Noelle's family and Noelle's family did try their best, but it was horrible. Not only that, my mother was fidgety for some reason. And she kept on telling some really embarrassing stories.

"So, she comes home and tears are on her face, and I ask 'Honey, what's wrong?' And after a long while, she told me that a boy said that she was ugly, and he threw his remaining pudding at her in front of everyone! Oh goodness, the look on her face was classical."

I froze. No. She did not just do that. Not only was that one of the most embarrassing moment of my life in elementary school, that was also the day she almost O.D-ed and we had to go to the hospital. That was the day I began to feel hopeless. I fumed under my breath. My blood was boiling. I couldn't bring myself to look up. I turned to my side, intent on telling my mom under my breath to stop acting stupid, when I noticed a Walgreen's bottle inside her tiny dress pocket. _Pills_. She had pills in her pockets.

Why? Why was she taking them? Was it because of me? Or was she so goddamn selfish that she decided to ruin my time in New York with everyone? She was making me angry. She was a selfish, little…bitch.

"Oh Reed, remember? And you told me to tell his mom and what not." She laughed hysterically. I didn't get what was so funny about it. "I don't really remember what happened after that, but I could never get the darn pudding off her shirt…"

I snapped. She was fucking laughing as if it wasn't a big deal. Mr. and Mrs. Lange looked dismayed and shocked. "Shut up! Just shut the hell up! Do you have any idea how much you're embarrassing me?!"

Everyone's head snapped up at my sudden outburst. It was all quiet in the room; even the waiters and waitresses had stopped their work. I swallowed. I couldn't breathe. I scooted my chair back. Everyone's eyes on the table looked straight at me. "Uh…excuse me." I rushed out of the room, not wanting to vomit on the pristine carpet.

I stormed into the bathroom, which smelled so good. I took a few deep breaths. What was going on? My mom had betrayed me. I thought that this was going to be fun and we could finally connect, but instead she started popping pills on her way here. And I was just flat out embarrassed. How could she? And Mr. and Mrs. Lange! I wondered what they were thinking right now. I bet they thought all middle class families were dysfunctional and screwed up.

Instantly, the door opened. It was Noelle. "Reed. What the hell was that?"

I shook my head and leaned back against the wall. "You know exactly what. I can't go back there Noelle, I just can't." My whole body shook. "God, this is so…I'm sorry," I mumbled. I looked down at my hands.

"What are you saying sorry for? Your mother is a druggie, and she embarrassed you. In fact, I thought it was kind of brave of you," mused Noelle. Wait a minute. Did Noelle just say that my mother was a druggie? How did she know?

"How…how did you know that my mother took pills?" I whispered.

Noelle was silent and composed for a couple of minutes. "I was Billing's president when you came, remember? Part of the job requires you to…know certain things about certain people." Oh. Now I got it. It was the disc that was handed to Noelle. That was how she knew about my mother's condition. But still…I never told anyone about my mom, not including Thomas. Noelle's face gave nothing away; it was as if it was normal for her to know these things. It was an invasion of privacy. But in a way, it was inevitable. All the drama was in a single disc; no wonder she took at peek at it.

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" I asked in a small voice.

Noelle slightly laughed. "I'm not that mean."

I breathed in a sigh of relief. "Ok," I simply said. I somewhat forgave her, but I still felt like I was stripped bare and my deepest, darkest secret was out. "Um…do we have to go back? I can't…"

Noelle's face softened. "It's fine. Just go through the kitchen back door," she said. I nodded dumbly. "I'll get Elena to hand you your coat. And then we'll go somewhere where the _real_ fun exists in New York," she assured me. I smiled and she headed out. I sighed. This was extremely messy. One thing was for sure. I was no longer having lunch with other parents.

I stepped out of the bathroom, and immediately a young, blonde girl came in front of me. "Here's your coat and your clutch, ma'am. Enjoy the rest of your day," she added. I nodded because my mouth was dry and I felt like crying. I put my coat on, and headed towards the kitchen.

I slipped out of the back door, and the freezing cold air surrounded me. Ah, this was pure heaven. I took it in, trying not to dwell on the past events; I could think about it later. Suddenly, my phone buzzed in my purse. It was a text from Noelle. She told me to get out in the front; the limo was ready to go.

I finally got to the front of the restaurant, with Noelle and the limo greeting me. "Let's get out of here," I begged Noelle.

"_Finally_ we get to see eye to eye," exclaimed Noelle. I smiled.

We were about to go inside the car, when suddenly I heard someone say "Reed!" I turned around, and sure enough, it was Scott. A pang of guilt hit me, but I brushed it aside.

"What?" I asked a tad too harsh.

He wasn't wearing a coat and he was out of breath. "Reed, come on, just come back inside. You know mom didn't mean to do that. She was just nervous, ok?"

I scoffed. "Mom was nervous? Or maybe mom was being selfish as always, because I found some pills in her pocket. So you still think mom was still nervous?" I retorted.

Scott looked hurt and shocked. "What's going on? When did you ever talk like that?"

I froze. When _did_ I start talking like that?

"Well maybe, after years and years of feeling ashamed and hurt, maybe I don't give a damn. So if you'll excuse me, I'm leaving," and I started to head towards the door. Noelle was still standing outside, listening to our conversation. She looked guilty for eavesdropping in our conversation, but she went inside the car when she saw me coming.

"You're acting like a brat."

That did it. How dare he call me a brat? Did he have any idea what I went through?! I had every reason to be frustrated and angry!

I clenched my fists and I turned around. "Do you know what they call it on the East coast? They call it knowing what you want. And I definitely don't want that," I spat out while looking at the restaurant.

Scott scoffed. "You mean you don't want your family?"

I looked at him straight in the eye. "I have to go," I simply said. My head was hurting and what Scott asked me was…I couldn't answer in one word. I smoothly went inside the car, and tried my best not to look at Scott's hurt face. I took in several deep breaths.

I couldn't believe I just did that. I was on the verge of tears. Scott was right; I was acting like a brat. And the way I acted! I was so confused.

Instantly, I felt a warm hand cover mine. I looked up in shock; Noelle was actually comforting me? She smiled slightly.

"It'll be fine. For now, I think we should focus on how we're going to spend the rest of our time in New York," said Noelle as she tried to cheer me up. I smiled back, although I knew it looked completely fake. I wish I was a better liar.

***

"Ohmigod, that guy was so hot, but like he kept spiting and…" I zoned out, trying to recall how he tended to walk. "He walked like a gay guy or something and his butt! It was bigger than- what's her name? The big butt reality girl?"

Noelle started to crack up. "'The big butt reality girl?!'" she started to laugh even more, and I joined in. "Oh, I'm not sure. But one thing _is_ for sure- we had a lot of drinks."

I scoffed. "Sure did!"

So, spending a Saturday in New York City meant getting drunk off your ass, and walking into Easton's campus like complete retards. I was a heck of a lot more drunk than Noelle, trying to drown my family issues and my Josh issues, not to mention my stalker/murderer issues. We continued to walk, swaying back and forth, and getting very weird looks from people.

Suddenly, we heard a soft voice coming up from behind us. "Reed? Noelle? What are you guys doing here in the middle of the quad all drunk?" It was Sawyer.

We both turned around. "Ah Sawyer, just the man. Would you mind taking us back to Poop-erly dorm? Because honestly, I don't think Reed can walk another step without falling." She then started to giggle. "Imagine Reed falling flat on her face! Ohmigod that would be so funny!" She smacked her hand on her thigh and dissolved into another fit of giggles. I started to laugh also for no apparent reason.

Sawyer sighed. "Come on guys," and he wrapped both of his arms around our waists. Thank God he was strong; we kept falling to the side. Well, it was more like me.

Eventually, we got to the door and Noelle got the hang of walking all by herself. I, on the other hand, was flat out drunk and I felt like I was going to pass out in any second. Sawyer kept a strong hold on me with his warm arms; if I wasn't walking, I would've fallen asleep right then and there.

We got inside Pemberly; Noelle was already trudging up the stairs. I felt my eye lids giving in and my whole body ready to collapse. Suddenly, I felt my legs give in and I almost fell before Sawyer caught me. "Hey, watch it there," he said quietly. Oh God, I couldn't get up. I just wanted to sleep. Not only that, I felt like I was going to puke.

"I can't…I want to sleep," I mumbled aimlessly. Sawyer had both of his arms around my waist. I was swaying back and forth and I couldn't stand at all. Suddenly, I felt my feet leave the ground, and I somehow managed to be suspended in the air. By Sawyer's help, anyway.

Ohmigod, I was embarrassed. I felt like a sad loser who tries to drown out their sorrows by drinking. But for some reason, I couldn't understand why I drunk so much. I could've just talked to Sawyer. I was officially stupid.

I tucked my head on his broad, warm shoulder, and it took every will power not to sleep in his comfortable arms. He glided his way up the stairs; I barely felt any movement.

I wasn't aware that I was now lying in my bed, all tucked in underneath my blankets. I felt a pair of hands glide over my feet, but I realized it was Sawyer removing my shoes from my feet. They were soft, careful movements. Finally, my feet were free; I could now sleep. My eye lids started to close and my mouth was getting ready to stop moving. No! I needed to say thank you! Crap.

Before I slipped into the depths of unconsciousness, I vaguely heard Sawyer say "Good night, Reed." Damn, that sounded _so_ good.

* * *

**thanks for the reviews guys! you were so lovely even though there was nothing to review in the first place**

**thank god this is over. i kept re-writing this over and over again. so, what do you think? reed and her mom had a falling out; i wanted to put that there b/c reed's first year was all about reed escaping her life, her mom, etc. and then she's like "oh, i like my mom now." kinda weird. **

**anyway, 21 club is a real place. i looked it up online. and apparently george clooney and some girl from the 90's had a famous scene in that place. AND the bar area with all the sports stuff hanging from the ceiling? that's real too. check it out; it's pretty cool.**

**also, the chapter title is a song by the bravery. its called honest mistake. it's taken from their older albums, but its really good. and if you like the killers, you so need to listen to them.**

**reviews please! they are greatly appreciated. :)  
**


	3. False Alarm

False Alarm

Today is the first day of school after winter break. Today is the day I'm going to get a whole lot of stares and whispers behind my back. I simply cannot wait for the day to end.

I woke up at around five in the morning after a very uneasy sleep. My dream consisted of Josh and how he didn't want me anymore, and Mrs. Ryan shoving my head in the bathtub. That was the part where I woke up, panting for some air and sweating.

It was all quiet in Pemberly, and I tiptoed my way over to the bathrooms. I took a ridiculously long shower, feeling the warm water droplets soothe my aching muscles. Not only that, I had a killer headache, a result from my stupid drinking last night. I eventually got out and proceeded to get ready.

Now that I thought about it, I wondered if I was going to see Josh today. I probably would because you can't really ignore a person for that long, right? Or maybe you can… A lump began to form in my throat recalling the month and a half Josh ignored me. I looked over to my clock and it read 5:45. Maybe I should go for a walk, soak up the sun…

I slipped on jeans and a sweat shirt and proceeded outside. It was chilly; I wish I brought my jacket out. It was all quiet, and I knew I would get busted for being out here so early. I went towards the soccer field and sat down on a bench.

My thoughts instantly went to depressing ones. What did I just do yesterday? Was my family going to forgive me? I couldn't help but feel disgusted with myself. Sure, I always disliked my mom for popping pills, but I should've known better than just blow up.

And then Josh. Josh, Josh, Josh. What was I going to do? The little kiss with Sawyer was obviously the wrong thing to do. But I had every reason to! Josh is with Ivy, and I am…single. Well, not really. There _is_ Upton, always looming over my shoulder. Upton, the extremely sexy, hot player who stopped being a player for me. Ugh, this was getting out of hand.

I made little mud circles with my feet; it was all muddy due to the melted snow. I dug my foot deeper and deeper inside the ground. Stupid, stupid drama. I hated drama. Why couldn't they reserve it for _Jon & Kate Plus 8_? Or the cast of _The Hills_?

"Reed."

Fuck. Why was he here now? Reluctantly, I looked up. His soft, blonde hair was all messy and it looked like he didn't have any sleep. He too, slipped on a lazy sweatshirt and some jeans. Josh looked concerned and upset, but you could barely detect it behind his cool demeanor.

"Hey," I whispered. My heart was beating like crazy. I didn't know what to do. Was it ok to talk now, or what?

"Can I…?" he asked while his hand gestured towards the empty spot next to me.

"Oh sure," I mumbled while I scooted over to give him maximum comfort. He seemed to notice the huge amount of space that was between us. I had no intention on touching him in any way. If I did, I would probably jump onto his lap and kiss him like crazy.

We were quite for several minutes. We watched the sun rise slowly, but the pestering questions lingered in our heads. Finally, I spoke up.

"How…how was winter break?" What did I just say? I couldn't believe I just asked him how his winter break went. God, I'm so stupid.

Josh swallowed. "It…was fine. We ended up staying the States," he added. By _we_, he meant Ivy and him. This sucked.

I nodded and another few minutes of silence came through. I barely looked at him, and he did the same. I focused my eyes on my feet. _You can do this Reed_, I thought. _It's not that hard to make small talk. _

"How was _your_ winter break?" Instantly, Josh looked horrified by what he asked. I happened to crack a small smile. "I mean, anything else…how was it besides the…bad stuff?" Did he honestly not know by now? Or was he trying to get it out from me?

I folded my hands in between my legs. "Uh…I met a guy. A great guy, actually." I zoned out, recalling how perfect I was in Upton's arms. "He was…yeah," I looked up at Josh and let out a small laugh. I blushed, remembering how close I was to sleeping with Upton.

Josh seemed to notice my reaction, and I saw him tense up a bit. He swallowed and pursed his lips. He then softened up. "I…I'm happy for you, Reed. I really am."

Those were not the words I expected to hear. A part of me wanted him to tell me that no guy was good enough for me, and that Josh was the one. I finally peered into his eyes, and they really looked sincere. I wanted to cry. It really was over. He was letting me move on, and he wasn't going to stop me.

A part of me wished for anything but this. Really. I was willing to trade in anything; my heart, my soul…everything.

***

"You seem happy," I noted. Noelle was eating her food in such a bubbly, happy manner it was getting kind of weird. After the little talk with Josh, I left right after that, not wanting to cry and say something stupid. I was then greeted with a very pissed of Noelle. She was already mad that she had to sleep in Ivy's room, and she was even more angry that I had disappeared.

"I…you know what? You'll find out soon enough," stated Noelle. She resumed eating her healthy breakfast, smirking at me while doing so. I gave a weird look to Constance. She shrugged her shoulders.

I looked up from my table and saw Josh sitting with Ivy. A pang of sorrow hit me. Josh seemed more…open and free with his movements around Ivy. I saw him grab her hand a couple of times, and their heads were bent close together. I felt like…I felt numb.

In addition, I had received a considerable amount of points and stares from people. It was last year all over again, and I hated it. Noelle had already barked at a few people, but it obviously didn't register to the others.

"Reed! Reed! Are you even listening?" It was Constance.

"Wha…oh, sorry. What were you saying?"

"I was asking you if you wanted to move back in Bradwell. There's like no room in Pemberly, and honestly, that place sucks. They have a room opening. We can room together, just like we did last year!" squealed Constance.

I thought about it for a second. Maybe it would be good to move to Bradwell. After all, my room in Pemberly was used as a way to isolate me, and Sabine stalked me using my room. But…

"Um…I kind of don't want to." Constance gave a protested look. "Look, I appreciate the offer, but…I like having my own privacy. And, I'm totally fine with it. It's not a big deal," I added. Constance's face fell.

"Ok," she said. She resumed picking at her cereal.

"Constance, it's not that I don't want you as my roommate, I'm just comfortable there. Please don't take it personally. Pretty please?" I begged. I felt horrible now.

Constance smiled. "Reed, I understand. It's fine- I get it. Now don't worry about hurting my feelings. Hell, even I would want a room by myself in this overcrowded…shit hole."

The whole table gasped. "Constance! Did you just say 'shit hole'?" asked Astrid. She was trying to hold back her laughter.

Constance blushed. "Did you not just hear her? What are you, deaf?" remarked Missy. All of our eyes met up with Missy's. Sometimes, I wished I could strangle her. She looked all innocent. "What? I was just saying…"

"Yeah right," commented Tiffany. The whole table nodded in agreement, and we resumed eating our food. Now that I thought about it, I wondered where everyone else was staying at. Pemberly was too crowded, and a few people were bound to move out.

"Hey, are any of you guys planning to move out?" I asked.

"I'm going back to my freshmen dorm," said Amberly all gloomily. Well, didn't that suck for her.

"Rose and I are probably going to stay in Pemberly," said Portia. Rose nodded in agreement. I looked over at Astrid, and Tiffany.

"I think I'll room with Constance," said Astrid. Instantly, Constance's face lit up. She let out a squeal of delight and high fived Astrid.

Tiffany smiled, and looked down at her plate for a second. "I guess I'll stay in Pemberly. My roommate's are pretty cool," she added.

Noelle scoffed. "Yeah right." Tiffany only rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Sophomore or freshmen dorms for me," piped up London. "Pemberly sucks ass! It's so gross. Don't you agree, Vienna?" questioned London.

"I agree with that bitch," said Vienna. We all laughed. Now that left Missy and Lorna, but I didn't really care about them. Well, Missy at least.

"Hey, I think we should go to chapel. We're gonna be late," said Constance. We all agreed, and proceeded to get up. As we dumped our trays, I went over to Noelle.

"Something is definitely up. I want to know!" I whined. Noelle laughed her devious laugh.

"Don't worry my friend! Everything is alright," assured Noelle. We were already outside, and the cold air blasted in my face. As I looked around, people gave me weird looks. I instantly cringed and cowered behind Noelle. "Jesus, what is up with people?" said Noelle. She gave a scathing look to a nearby group of freshmen, and they scattered away.

I smiled up at her. "Thanks." Noelle only patted my back, and led me forward. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sawyer with Gage and Graham laughing at something. I stiffened and started to heat from embarrassment. Oh God, did I say anything stupid last night? I certainly hope not.

The student piled inside the chapel halls, and we all sat down in our respected places. I sat down next to Constance and Astrid, and instantly the room quieted down. An old man in his sixties came up to the podium; I remembered him from the meeting earlier this year. He was one of the board members who wanted to close Billings down. Or maybe…

"Hello and welcome students! I am sure that many of you are curious of the recent events that have taken place. I cannot speak of them, but let me assure you, everything will work for the better."

"Bullshit," muttered Astrid. Constance and I nodded in agreement.

"On a happier note, let me introduce to you the new Headmaster of Easton Academy. Say hello to Mr. Hathaway!" Everyone's eyes went over to Mr. Hathaway's. He lifted up a hand and waved at the students. A few giggled.

"Please students, give him your utmost respect and undivided attention," said the wrinkly old man. "I will now give this to _Headmaster_ Hathaway, if he wishes to say anything…" trailed off the old man. Mr. Hathaway slowly got up; the old man started to clap, joined in by the students.

"He's a looker, that one," remarked Astrid. Constance and I gaped at Astrid. "What, I'm just saying…honestly, he's not that bad!"

"Shh!" we heard someone say. It was Portia; she then slapped Astrid's head from behind. We giggled.

"Good morning, students. I am honored to be taking this new position as headmaster at Easton. I am here to listen to your needs and concerns. So please, if you have anything, don't hesitate. Now if I…" Headmaster Hathaway looked up and narrowed his eyes. "May I help you, Miss Lange?"

I could practically feel the whole room suck in some air. I turned around and saw Noelle standing up to her full height, standing tall and proud.

"Yes, there is something you can help me with," said Noelle.

I rested my chin on my arm as I watched Noelle from behind. From the corner of my eye, I saw Sawyer staring at Noelle, then at me. He caught my eye and smiled. I smiled back, forgetting the incident from yesterday.

"And that would be, Miss Lange?" asked Headmaster Hathaway.

"Well, you stated that you would listen to our needs and concerns. And on behalf of all the _former_ Billings residences', I'd like to say that's a load of crap." Everyone gasped. Noelle caught my eye. She smirked and continued.

"Hear this, Headmaster Hathaway. We want Billings back. I don't care what it takes, but I-_we_ will get it back," she said as she looked at all of the Billings girls.

"I'm afraid that is not possible, Miss Lange," retorted Headmaster Hathaway. Everyone was quiet, waiting for the showdown to continue.

Noelle smirked. "Are you sure about that? Are you sure that it's not possible to have _fifty-seven_ former Billings alumni standing out in the front gates right now, ready to build it back again?"

I looked up at Noelle. This girl was a piece of work.

* * *

**here you go folks. i know the last chapter sucked, so i wanted to thank privateseries for being the only one reviewing :)**

**what do you think? i know this is similar to a lot of people's ideas, but come on, do you seriously think they won't try to build billings back up in the next novel? so, no copyright infringement intended, or whatever. in addition, there will be a lot more josh and reed interaction. IT'S NOT OVER YET! DO NOT WORRY ALL YOU ROSH FANS! THE DRAMA IS NOT DONE! *enough screaming already. **

**reviews please! pretty please? they are always appreciated.  
**


	4. Perjury

Perjury 

"Billings holds years and years of tradition. We worked hard to get into Billings. These girls," said Eliza as she pointed to the current Billings girls "worked extremely hard to get there too. It's ludicrous. You didn't even bother to contact us! I demand that you at least consider building Billings back up," finished Eliza. She sat back down in one of the front row benches and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't have any kids, but she already mentioned if she did, she would've sent them here no matter what.

Everyone nodded in agreement. The Billings Alumni took up the first four rows, and the rest of us sat behind them. It has already been two and a half hours, and nothing was done. The current Billings girls refused to go back to school until the verdict was heard. So here I was, feeling my butt go numb from sitting so long, and really not giving a rat's ass about everything going on around me. The wrinkly old man who was head of the board kept arguing back and coming up with vague answers, making us huff and puff. Mr. Hathaway had kept silent except for speaking when he needed to. I saw him rub his head several times; poor guy probably already had a headache.

"Noelle, this is stupid. They're not going to give in. Maybe we should just wait for a while," I reasoned. Some fat, overly dressed lady had started to speak now.

"No! Are you out of your mind?" whispered Noelle. She sighed. "But you're right; Mr.-I-don't-take-Botox over there isn't budging. God, I didn't think it would be this hard," said Noelle.

I frowned. I wanted Billings back, but the board was defiantly not willing to move at all. What if…

"Hey Noelle? What if we did another fundraiser? Easton is all about money, and I'm sure we can make up more than 5 million dollars. You know, make this event more publicized, more glamorous, and the Alumni can help us," I added.

Noelle paused and looked at me. Her deep eyes penetrated me; did I say something stupid? It sounded fine to me.

She smirked and smiled. "Well, well, look who we've got here. Little Farm Girl just came up with a brilliant plan. It's great." She zoned off, probably already planning out the event. She turned to me. "Come on, let's say it."

I looked up at her in shock. "No, no I'm horrible at speaking up! Why don't you do it? You're president."

Noelle snorted. "Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious. You came up with it in the first place. Besides, you've spoken against the board, remember?" Noelle looked over to the fat lady; she had just finished talking. "Let's go," she commanded while she grabbed my arm and yanked me up. I swallowed.

"Mr. Marshall and Headmaster Hathaway, we apologize for the inconvenience. To cut this meeting short, Reed and I have a proposition," said Noelle smoothly. I looked over to my side and saw all the Billings girls raising their eyebrows. I fiddled with my shirt buttons.

"Would you please explain it to us?" asked Hathaway. He sighed; his sigh was barely audible, but the guy looked flat out tired and pissed off.

Noelle smiled flawlessly. "Of course. We plan to do another fundraiser; this time, we will use the money to build Billings back up. With or without your permission," she finalized.

Mr. Marshall's face showed some interest, and he leaned forward. "The money would be appreciated, but I cannot guarantee that it will be used for Billings," he said.

What a selfish dick. He only cared about money, not for the welfare of students. I spoke up.

"I'm aware money is important to you, but what if we raised enough to satisfy both of our needs? You can get some of the share, and we have the rest to rebuild Billings," I explained. The whole room had eyes for me. _Come on old man. You know this is a good plan_, I thought.

Mr. Marshall cleared his throat. "It will take more than five million dollars to rebuild Billings, Miss Brennen and to satisfy our needs," he replied.

Missy clicked her tongue, showing her distaste. At least there was something we agreed on.

Mr. Hathaway then spoke up. "Ladies, we appreciate your concerns but frankly, you can't do anything about it. This isn't about money or about _you_; the reason Billings was torn down was because we saw it fit to do so. Please, you are wasting your time in this. We won't allow it."

I thought I liked Mr. Hathaway during winter break, but he was getting on my nerves. And why did they keep on saying tearing Billings down was a good idea?

"Headmaster Hathaway, Mr. Marshall…if you may, can you explain why you keep on saying tearing Billings down was good? What did we do to prompt this?" It was Constance who said that. She slowly got up to her feet. I was glad she asked those questions, because honestly, his vague answers were killing me.

Mr. Hathaway looked over at Mr. Marshall. He cleared his throat. "Billings is a wonderful place. But I am afraid ladies, you have taken advantage of it. Billings is not about being the…what is it? The 'it girl'? It's about getting rewarded for your hard work, and even more rewarded later on by getting into the best of the best colleges. So please, just drop it. It won't do you any good," finished Mr. Marshall.

"Wait a minute. What do you mean, 'taking advantage of it?' We have never felt that getting into Billings was just for fun. Billings means everything to us." All of us nodded in agreement. "You need to explain further." Noelle's jaw clenched in an effort to hold back her anger.

"Please, just listen ladies. You won't get it back. This is our final word. We truly are sorry for the inconvenience, but there's nothing you can do." Mr. Hathaway stood up, just as Mr. Marshall, getting ready to leave.

"No."

My voice was barely heard, but right when I said that, everyone stopped still. I gulped.

"We are going to get Billings back. Since you think we don't appreciate it, I'm going to show that we do. _We_ are going to show you by raising enough money to rebuild it. With," I looked over to Noelle "'or without your permission.'"

Headmaster Hathaway only sighed, but Mr. Marshall was fuming under his breath. All the Alumni and all my friends were looking at me with admiration. My heart soared.

"Fine," snapped Mr. Marshall. "Just don't be upset when you realize it was a wasted effort. But…I am willing to give you a chance. _If_ you prove your worth, we might consider. Till then, it's a no," he finished.

I nodded and the two men proceeded to head outside. Mr. Hathaway's head was cast down a bit, probably from sheer exhaustion. Right when they went outside, everyone started talking animatedly.

"Reed! That was great! We should have you every time the board members are here!" exclaimed Constance as she came over and wrapped me in a strong hug. I hugged her back, feeling extremely elated.

"Thanks! This means we have a lot of work now," I said while I released her. Suddenly, I forgot Noelle was behind me. After all, she was president. I turned around and faced her.

Her face was composed and she didn't say anything; for a split second, I thought I saw... jealousy? I swallowed. Was she mad at me? She smiled, making me feel stupid for even thinking that. "I taught you well," she said. I smiled back, a little shy with the amount of attention. "Good job Glass Licker," she added. Noelle then went over to the Alumni, thanking them for coming over and getting ready for the fundraiser.

I quickly realized that I was extremely hungry. The Alumni were talking to the new generation of Billings girls; for a second, I forgot Billings was torn down in the first place. It was a nice sight to see. I grabbed my coat and purse and headed for the doors before someone could talk to me.

"Reed! Wait!" I turned around and saw Katherine, Gage's mother. Unlike her son, she was a complete sweetheart. "Reed, it's so nice to meet you," she gushed out. She was a tall, slender lady; in fact, Gage looked just like her.

"You too, Mrs. Coolidge," I replied back politely. My hungry stomach was begging to leave and eat, but I kept my cool.

"Well, I just wanted to say that you did a wonderful job back there. You know, all of us are willing to help you. If you need anything, just call-"

"Oh no Mrs. Coolidge, I'm not the one in charge. Noelle is president; you might want to talk to her," I said. Didn't everyone know that I was no longer president?

"Oh, ok," she replied. She seemed a little put off. "Well, I guess I should go talk to Noelle then." I smiled at her. Katherine exhaled. "Again, it was nice meeting you Reed." She turned around and headed towards her friends, not giving me a chance to say good-bye. I shook my head. The chapel was getting louder and louder as everyone talked, and I headed out.

I was greeted with a blast of cold air. As I looked around, I saw students piling in and out of the cafeteria. It was already lunch time? I checked my phone; sure enough, it _was_ lunch time. I hugged my coat tightly across my chest, and went inside.

I looked around and saw that it was mostly empty. The whole Billings table was gone, and I suspected that I would be eating alone. I went to the lunch line, and dumped a bottle of water and a turkey sandwich on my plate. I sat down on my table, ignoring the looks everyone was giving me. Just when I needed a distraction, I felt my phone vibrate. Looking at the caller I.D., I saw that it was a text from Upton. I smiled and read what he wrote.

**How is your first day at Easton? Heard about Billings; I'm sure it sucks.**

Aw, Upton cared about Billings as much as I did. I quickly responded back.

**Not too bad. We might get Billings back, all because of Noelle's hard work. What about you?**

I quickly unwrapped my sandwich, not wanting to delay my empty stomach. I quietly munched on my food for a minute when Upton texted back.

**With Noelle, nothing is impossible. I'm doing fine, thanks. As cheesy as this sound, I miss you like crazy. **

I smiled. Wait a minute. Hold on. Why was I smiling? Upton was not my boyfriend. We were just seeing how things were going to go. For some reason, I didn't like the way the conversation was going. Sure, we had some claim over each other, but I couldn't hold on to something as fickle as our relationship. I didn't want to be held back because of some guy. I set my phone on the table and sighed.

"Meeting over?" I snapped out of my thoughts and saw Sawyer standing next to me, a smile on his face. Instantly, I burned. I wish I hadn't drunk so much. And imagine what state I was in! I wondered what he thought of me now.

He looked very handsome standing right there, wearing a light blue collared shirt and some khaki pants. His hair was in a tousled mess, and he looked more boyish than ever.

"Uh, yeah. I was just really hungry so…" I looked down at my feet. I could feel a blush forming on my cheeks. I looked back at Sawyer and realized I was being very rude right now. "Sit down," I said a little too quickly. Sawyer quietly sat down.

Suddenly, I didn't feel like eating anymore. The anticipation was killing me. "Hey Sawyer?" I said while looking down at my feet.

I faced him. "Yeah?" He was staring at me intently, waiting for me to speak.

"Um…I wanted to say thanks, for you know, bringing me back safely. It was stupid of me to drink and stuff so…yeah, thanks," I rambled.

Sawyer slightly blushed. "It's not a big deal…" He started to toy with the wrap that came with my sandwich. "I meant what I said, Reed. If you ever need anything, just come and talk. You can count on me." He finally looked up at me, and his grayish-brown eyes peered into mine. I swallowed. I was no longer going to get that drunk.

Sawyer kept looking at me until I finally had to avert my gaze from him. Then ever so slightly, I felt a light, warm cover my hand. I felt tingles run through my spine. Ohmigod, I did not just feel _tingles_ from none other than Sawyer. Ohmigod. Oh God.

I smiled at him. "I probably already count on you more than I should." I laughed nervously, suddenly realizing the amount of truth to those words. I stopped myself. Sawyer smiled back warmly, and his baby soft hand left mine. _Don't you dare hyperventilate right now, Reed!_

All of a sudden, my phone buzzed. I had forgotten I was texting Upton; in fact, I forgot to text him back. My phone was placed in between us and Sawyer just happened to see who it was. His stance stiffened and he stood up.

"I should go. I need to get my books from my room," said Sawyer and little tersely. I sighed.

"Ok," I said quietly. He gave a curt nod and left, leaving me all sad and pissed off. I didn't even get to finish my food. I slowly got up, and dumped my food. The place was deserted, and I was probably going to be late for school. As I turned around, getting ready to go outside, I saw Josh standing on the opposite wall. He was in the perfect position where he could see everything from where I was sitting. I looked at him for a second longer than I should have. I was about to raise my hand and make a small wave, but he had already ducked his head down, grabbed his books, and went outside.

I breathed a sharp breath. I was beginning to think getting stalked was better than this.

* * *

**thanks for the reviews guys! they made my day, as always :)**

**i know this chapter is boring, but what do you think about another fundraiser? good idea or no? don't worry folks, there will be drama while everyone is getting ready for the fundraiser. again, tell me what you think.**

**reviews please! as usual, they're always appreciated. and thanks again for those who have reviewed!**


	5. Foursome

Foursome

I was in my room, organizing papers I had to get ready for the meeting Noelle was hosting in thirty minutes. It was going to be held in Pemberly's lobby, and all the Billings girls had to attend. It was only a day after the big confrontation, and I was busy as hell. I was Noelle's wingman, and I kind of felt like I was in _The Devil Wears Prada_; she was making me work extremely hard.

My task was to find hotels or halls in order to accommodate the biggest fundraiser ever held in Easton. Noelle insisted that it should be in New York. So instead of doing the homework that I needed to do, I was busy making calls and asking for prices, and seeing if there was any room in the near future.

I was so busy getting everything all together that I didn't hear a slight knock on my door. I snapped my head up at the third knock, feeling extremely stupid. "Coming!" I assured the person.

It was Sawyer, looking so out of place. He was wearing his black coat, which was tightly fastened around his chest, and his shoes seemed a little wet. I was surprised. What was he doing here?

"Sawyer, hey," I said. I glanced down at my attire, and wished I wore something else. I looked like crap with my battered Vanderbilt T-shirt (one of the many shirts I got from Upton), and my hair was a mess.

Sawyer smiled apologetically. "Sorry…was I interrupting you?" His eyes took a peek in my room, taking in the mess.

"Oh no! I was getting some stuff ready for the meeting today. Noelle's making me work like crazy so…" I stopped myself, realizing that I was rambling. "Come in," I invited. Sawyer nodded and I let him inside.

"Sit down," I told Sawyer while I gestured to the bed. He stood where he was at.

"I won't be here for long," he mentioned. "But, I should give you this." He took out a stack of blue little passes and handed them over to me. "My dad said if any of you guys lose it, he's not going to make another one. And if you are going out of town, you need to sign out in his office and tell him where you're going."

I flipped through the all of the passes, and saw names for all of the Billings girls. I was shocked; it was extremely generous. I looked up at Sawyer. "Wow, this is great! Tell your dad I said thanks." Now, we could go anywhere at any time and get our business done.

"Oh, and you can only use it during the weekends." Maybe not.

I nodded. "Sit down Sawyer, I want to know how schools going," I said. He smiled slightly and finally sat down on my bed. I removed some of the papers on it and sat down next to him.

"So," I started while sitting Indian style, "anything new?" I wondered if he had any new friends yet.

He shrugged. "No, not really. But all the teachers are extremely nice to me. Which is definitely a plus," he added. I laughed at his honesty.

"Even Mr. Barber?" If _he_ was, then that meant he was doing some serious kissing up to Sawyer and Graham.

He frowned. "Yeah, but everyone said he was really mean. But then again, being the headmaster's son does have its advantages." I laughed again and pushed his arm a little. He joined in with the laughter.

"Yeah definitely. Especially since you knew where my room was at," I said jokingly.

He gave another laugh, and I instantly felt calm. This was the most I ever heard Sawyer laugh; in fact, it sounded pretty nice.

"You know, this is the most I've ever heard you laugh," I brought up. His smiled faded, and I felt stupid for making the conversation all sad.

Sawyer looked down at his hands. "It's still hard, but…what can I do? Should I keep myself tied down all the time? I'm not…Jen." He paused and looked up at me. "I'm Sawyer. I'm Sawyer…fucking Hathaway," he finished. He looked at me warily, as if the swearing wore him out.

As much as the speech was inspirational, I dissolved into a fit of laughter, and I couldn't stop laughing. I had never heard Sawyer swear before, and it sounded plain weird coming off of him.

Sawyer looked dismayed. "What happened? What was so funny?"

It took me a minute to stop giggling. "Oh, Sawyer. It's just," I managed to let a small laugh slip by, "I've never heard you swear before. So, it was kind of funny." I couldn't tell the difference what kind of expression he was making. It was a mixture of horror, amusement, and confusion all wrapped in one.

My tears started to fall and I rolled to my side, again laughing. This was so weird. But, it felt so _good_. There was nothing but tension, and more tension, and it felt absolutely great to let myself loose. Just laughing at stupid things felt well. I was free.

Sawyer joined in, laughing only because I was. He shook his head. "This isn't that funny. At all." Another round of laughter came by for both of us, and more tears started to fall. We were stupid, immature high school kids laughing at something really retarded. It was the best feeling I ever had.

A knock came on the door, and both of us stopped ourselves. Damn that person who ruined my happy time. Sawyer looked at me. "Who is it?" I shrugged and wiped the remaining tears from my eyes.

I sighed loudly. "I don't know." I tried to get up, but with no avail. "Oh God, all the laughing has made me so sore," I complained while I rubbed my stomach.

Sawyer gave a small chuckle. "You know what you should put on if you're sore? Head On. It works really well."

I got up and started to head towards the door. I scoffed. "Head On? Isn't that for your head?" I tripped on my way over to the door, when suddenly the door was flung open. It was Josh.

Goddammit! He just had to ruin one of the best times I've had so far this year by standing in front of my door. I looked at him deeply, and noticed some books on his side. He looked tired, and maybe a little mad. He wore a lazy sweatshirt and some old jeans, making the whole tired look complete.

I saw his eyes glitter of judgment, but they automatically went back to being indifferent. "Hey, Reed." Josh shifted his feet nervously. "I was looking for Ivy, and I heard some laughing, so I thought…" His eyes drifted over to my room, and they stopped at Sawyer. Josh looked at me and said "I see that she's not here. Sorry for bothering you," he said almost rudely. He turned to leave.

"Josh, wait! I want you to meet somebody," I said. Secretly, I wanted him to accept Sawyer. He had no reason to be mad at him. In addition, I wanted Josh to know that Sawyer was the one who saved me- twice. And I could have any guy in my room, if I wanted to. So ha.

Josh reluctantly stopped and came forward. I turned my head back to my room and saw Sawyer getting up to leave. He gave me a puzzled look and came by me. "Uh, I guess I'll leave," said Sawyer. He opened the door a little wider and saw Josh standing there. His eyes got a little wide, but they returned to their normal state.

Oh God, this was so awkward. Josh was as passive as ever, but this was…weird. Josh and I had history, and Sawyer and I were making history, in a way. He was a close friend of mine, and I felt like I could confide in him. Josh and I were complicated. Very complicated.

Sawyer cleared his throat. "Uh, hey man." He took out his hand to shake Josh's, but Josh only stood still, glaring at his hand. Damn bitch; he didn't even have the decency to shake his hand.

Sawyer sensed the tension, and he took his hand back. _Say something, Reed! Like now! _

"Uh, Josh, this is Sawyer. Sawyer, this is Josh." A second of awkward silence passed by, and I could feel the gazes of both men. It was making me all uncomfortable and I didn't like it one bit. Why did I invite Josh to stay over? I knew it was going to awkward.

Josh only nodded and Sawyer ran his hand through his blonde hair, trying to shake of the embarrassment. Now that I looked up at them, I saw how similar they looked. They both had blonde hair, they were tall, and they had the look of someone who hadn't slept in a long time. And they were…good-looking.

"Reed?" I turned to my side and saw Ivy coming up the stairs, books in hand. She eyed the three of us suspiciously, but regained her composure. "What's up guys?" Her eyes flickered at Josh, noticing his stiff position.

I hadn't really talked to Ivy in a long time. I was trying to avoid her, and the amount of work that was given to me paid off. I would occasionally see her in the hallways at school or before I retired to my room at night. What sucked was that she was extremely nice; it made everything a lot more complicated now.

"Hey, Ivy" I squeaked. Her eyes shot around, trying to discern what was going on.

"Um, I know you two," she said while she pointed at Josh and I, "but I don't know you," Ivy finished with a smile.

Sawyer smiled back, although he was slightly blushing. "I'm Sawyer."

"Oh, you're the headmaster's son! That's cool. How do you like Easton so far?" Ivy came around and wrapped an arm around Josh's waist; it seemed like he didn't notice. His eyes were fixed on me. They weren't accusing, but they posed the question why and how. Why Sawyer was here and how did I know him.

Let's just say he didn't need to know anything for now.

Sawyer shoved his hands in his pockets. "It's pretty good, but I still need to adjust." Everyone resumed going quiet after that. Awkward, awkward, awkward. This foursome was not going well.

"He saved me-twice on the island. If it wasn't for him, I'd be, like, gone," I blurted out. Ivy's eyes widened upon hearing the new revelation, and Josh was still as ever.

"Really? No wonder Reed's still here, alive." Sawyer blushed deeply, and a ripple of quiet laughter escaped our mouths. Mine, Ivy, and Sawyer's at least. Thank God Ivy was here.

"It's not a big deal…" he said quietly. I felt kind of bad for making him shy, but I had to say something. I owed him everything, and Josh needed to know that although _he_ wasn't there, Sawyer was. I was a big girl, and he didn't need to judge Sawyer. He was a good guy.

"Well, I think we should get going. Talk to you later, Reed. And it was nice meeting you, Sawyer," Ivy finalized. She took Josh's hand, and led him inside the door. He took one last look at Sawyer and I before he let himself being taken in by Ivy.

Sawyer was standing on the opposite side of the door. We were less than a foot apart, and I could smell his intoxicating cologne. I looked at him nervously. God, what the hell was that? It was pure agony. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I…didn't think. I just wanted everyone to get along and I thought…" I sighed. "Sorry about the awkwardness. You deserve better."

He sighed. "Reed, don't torture yourself. Please. Everyone's well-being is not your responsibility." He paused and looked at me with a tortured expression. "It goes deeper." I swallowed. It did go deeper. Not only was I confused with my feelings and my actions, I was stuck. I didn't know how to move on when the person in front of me wasn't willing to move either.

Sawyer slowly brought up his hand. He hesitated, wondering if it was alright. I didn't say anything, because honestly, I didn't know what he was doing. In an excruciating pace, he finally brought his hand up to my cheek and brushed his smooth fingers over my face. I shivered against his touch; it brought forth a set of tingles through my body. I blushed and his hand lingered over my face.

His brow was still furrowed in concentration. "Good night, Reed." And just like that, he left without another word.

* * *

**thank you for the reviews everyone! you guys are great. sorry for not updating for a week because i have so much work to do and i had a little writers block, i'm ashamed to admit. **

**i know this chapter sucks. it's basically a filler, but you got the first glimpse of sawyer/reed/josh interaction. more will come on the way, i assure you. **

**question time: what kind of ideas do you have for the fundraiser? i was thinking like...well, never mind. you guys tell me. i'm always open to them. **

**reviews please! you know how much i love them :)**


	6. Disco

Disco

"Are you serious, Constance? A fucking car wash? What is this, some prep movie you watched back at home? Perhaps 'Bring It On: Let's Make the Easton Fundraiser Suck'?" I looked over at Constance, and her lower lip was trembling tremendously. I turned to Noelle and saw a satisfied smirk across her face. I rolled my eyes. This was intense.

Noelle sighed. "Any better suggestions?" She looked around for any takers. "Anyone?"

We were currently brainstorming ideas for the fundraiser, and it wasn't going to well. Truthfully, I think everyone was scared of Noelle. When I was doing the fundraiser, everyone was eager and they kept pitching ideas in.

"Okay look, I think we should do something like a speakeasy or a 1920's theme. Make it secret and exclusive, but still a lot of people are invited. Kind of like Legacy?" suggested Tiffany.

Everyone nodded in agreement. It really did sound like a good idea. But then again, was it enough to raise a hundred million dollars?

Then it clicked.

"Maybe we should keep it secretive, and then make all the secretive stuff lead to the big fundraiser. Like the invites. Make them discreet, just like Legacy," I said while looking at Tiffany. "And then the people have to pay a fee to actually get in on the list, and then we can…" My mind was working crazy right now. All these ideas were bubbling inside my head.

Everyone was looking at me with rapt attention. "Oh! For the actual fundraiser, we can make it a weekend thing. The hotel will be open certain hours during the weekend, and they'll be, I don't know, a gambling night on Friday, and something else on Saturday and Sunday. And before that, people will have to pay money to get prizes. Like in order to be a contestant to win a day at the spa, they have to pay to enter. Plus, all the Alumni have stopped giving money to Easton, so it's a win-win situation for me. And, I'm assuming your parents are donating also?" I finished.

It was all quiet in the lobby when all of a sudden everyone started talking.

"Reed! That was awesome!" squealed London. "Maybe for the weekend idea, we could do a lingerie fashion show, and people will have to bid or something. And like, wow, that was a totally cool idea," she gushed out. I frowned at the idea of a lingerie fashion show; only London would think of that.

"Well Reed, I guess I'll have to give you credit on that one. It was great," said Noelle. Well, wasn't that something. Noelle wasn't one for compliments, and this meant a lot. I smiled at her.

"So, the weekend thing sound pretty good, but how are we going to invite everyone?" asked Tiffany. "The whole secret thing sounds cool too, but how?"

"Well, like Reed said, the invite should be non-clear. It should say something like 'Get on the list. 325 Lexington Avenue, New York: May 15th.' People should know the address is to a place, and the fundraiser will be on the fifteenth. And they have to pay a fee to get on the list. It will be passed around to everyone; not everyone has to know the fundraiser is for rebuilding Billings," explained Rose.

Huh. It really did sound like a good idea. Just hearing the words 'get on the list' sounded compelling.

"But, won't there be like a big scandal or something? The people will be like 'Oh, we spent all that money for Easton when we didn't even go to Easton ourselves?'" questioned Amberly. That blonde girl did have a point though.

"Maybe we can say we're giving 20% of the proceeds to cancer research. People dig that stuff," Portia suggested. She was furiously filing her nails away, not even paying attention to anything. We all shrugged; Portia was right also.

"But for the prizes leading to the actual fundraiser, how are we going to do that?" asked Astrid. She was unusually quiet today.

"Look, we can focus on the in between stuff for later. But first, we need a place and a time. Reed?" said Noelle as she was talking.

"Ok. I got the Plaza hotel open for April 11th, on a Saturday. Uh, Four Seasons is open on March 23rd, also on a Saturday. What else…oh, the Ritz is open on May 3rd, but it's on a Sunday. Finally, The Palace is open on April 27th." I looked at Noelle.

"That's it?"

I frowned. "Yeah. I called every hotel in New York, and they were all booked. I didn't know that we were going to do a weekend thing, but I'm sure we can work that out."

"What did you say about Four Seasons? What day was it open?"

I flipped through the massive piles of paper on my lap. "It's open on March 23rd, a Saturday. But I think they said something like Friday might be open also, so I told them to hold on to it."

Noelle nodded, deep in thought. "And what about the Palace?"

"They are open on April 27th, also a Saturday." I set my papers aside, waiting for the verdict. I highly doubted that we would be able to raise a hundred million dollars in three months.

"It's set then. The Palace. Call them; tell them we need it for that weekend no matter what. Every day, the doors open at 3 p.m., and the party starts. Also, if people want to stay in that hotel, some of the payments can go to us. Of course, we'll have to tell the hotel people, but it should be alright. We can go visit the Palace this weekend. Do have all this down, Reed?" Her eyes narrowed, and I furiously wrote everything down.

"The invites then. Make them secretive. We should make them formal. It will be through mail only. We need to get them done in one to two weeks time, and it shouldn't take any longer than that."

Noelle paused to think. "The Alumni are already giving us some money; apparently, they give Easton money about every month. So by the end of January, we should have a lot. Let's see…in order to get on the list, they'll have to pay a fee. Easton students will pay less. Like Reed said, we can have prizes in between, but they'll have to pay."

"Hold on. Maybe we should have mini parties, so we can get money that way too. We should have a masquerade ball here at Easton to kick things off, and then we can have it at different places. And for the invites; they shouldn't say anything at all. They should only say 'B' for Billings and an address to the party. And then at that party, they'll get a new clue to the actual fundraiser, and another address to another party. Of course, the purpose of this is to raise money."

We all gaped at Vienna. That was probably the smartest thing she had ever said.

She shrugged nonchalantly. "What? I'm somewhat capable of thinking…"

"Wow, I can't believe Vienna was able to dig through her shallow brain and find something good," commented Missy. Everyone turned and stared at Missy.

"Shut the hell up, Gateway to China," retorted London.

Missy scoffed. "Gateway to China? What?"

London smiled. "Your nostrils are so huge, I wouldn't be surprised to find Chinese exports coming through them." Missy immediately covered her nose with her hand, and everyone snickered.

Constance sighed. "Guys, come on."

I stifled my giggle that was threatening to come out. "Ok, so the invites only say 'B' on them, but I think we should say something like 'get on the list' somehow if we plan to get money. But, I think we need to get more publicity on this fundraiser in order to get a lot of money. We should say we're giving some of the money to cancer research," I said while I looked at Portia, "and we should get politicians, maybe some models from Kiran?"

Astrid smiled. "Sounds good."

"Wait. I think for the famous people, well the politicians really, we shouldn't make it so secretive with them. When the actual party starts then it can get all dirty, like how they are. But we need to get in their good graces first. So I think some people should handle the famous people differently, and the rest differently. I think we should also have different invites for the politicians too. As for the models, as long there is booze, they'll be fine," explained Constance.

Noelle leaned back in her chair. "Maybe watching _Bring It On_ really did pay off." Constance turned beet red.

I groaned. "This is so confusing! Noelle?" I pleaded. I had no idea what to write, and although the ideas were great, they needed some serious organizing.

She ran her hand through her hair. "You got the time and place down?" I nodded. "Fine. There will be two invitations- one for the politicians and famous people, and the other for all those associated with Easton. The one for Easton will be all discreet, and the famous one won't. We'll need to talk to them- the politicians. For Easton, it'll be a different case overall."

"In order to get on the list-the actual part-everyone will need to pay thirty-five dollars, whereas all the kids at Easton only need to pay twenty.

"For Easton: there will be a kick off brunch for the older folks in two-three and a half weeks time. Later at night, there will be a ball at Easton for the younger kids. They'll need to pay in order to get in. For the brunch, they'll have to enter by buying a plate. The prices will be the same, due to the fact that the food is expensive and it'll be the same dish for everyone. We'll need to talk to one of the restaurants here first." I scribbled everything down, pausing only waiting for Noelle to start talking again.

"And for the prizes, we can do it all online. We can have game tickets, spa gift certificates, purses and clothes, electronics, whatever. All they have to do is give us the money, and we'll give it to them."

Kiki cleared her throat. "How are we going to get that stuff, not to mention the money?"

I frowned. "Yeah, isn't that a black market?" Everyone raised their eyebrows in agreement.

"Nope. Not if you talk to the people so they can give it to us. But all the prizes will run through them; maybe they can help us." I stopped my questioning there. We all knew Noelle was going to get her way somehow. Satisfied, Noelle continued.

"As for the famous people, I can just talk to my father. He knows everyone," she added. No doubt about that.

I looked around. "That's it for now?"

Noelle got up and straightened her clothing. "Yup." Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, and they all jumped up to leave. I looked at my cell phone and saw that dinner was about to start in twenty minutes.

"Guys, wait," Noelle started. Everyone's faces fell, realizing they would have to stay for another minute. "For the weekend thing…well, never mind. You guys look like you haven't eaten in ten days." All the girls left hurriedly, not wanting to stay for the meeting.

I sighed. This had been a long day. "So Noelle," I said while I gathered all the papers, "what are we going to do for the weekend ideas? Not only that, we have to talk to a shit load of people for the prizes, the brunch and the masquerade ball, not to mention the politicians. This is so crazy," I added.

She smiled warily. "Yes but that doesn't get to us now, does it?" I chuckled at her, and started to go up the stairs to put my things away.

I stopped at the foot of the stairs and turned back around. Noelle gave me a curious look. My heart was beating like crazy, and I thought I was going to dissolve into a pool of tears.

"Reed? Is everything alright?" I only looked at her, pure agony written on my face. Her lips were getting ready to form the question 'Why?' when we heard a loud laugh coming from the stairs.

Ivy and Josh finally came down after they were done making out at the top of the stairs. Josh's arm was wrapped around Ivy's small waist, and he was giving her small, sweet kisses on her neck, her cheek, and her lips as they descended the steps. Ivy was giggling and for a second, I just wanted to smack her.

How could he? Could he at least save that for later? Sure, maybe I had someone else waiting for me, but that didn't mean I was ready to face him that way. I wasn't ready to take in the kisses and the looks he gave her. It was going to take some time; after all, up until a few months ago, I thought those kisses were only reserved for me.

Ivy took notice of Noelle and I and she told Josh to stop. I swallowed. She had a slight guilty look on her face but upon seeing Noelle, she resumed looking cool and indifferent.

Josh looked at me, and his face softened. "Hey, Reed," he said quietly. Why was he being so nice all of a sudden? Did he feel guilty for acting like a complete douche two hours ago? His face was a little red, probably due to the fact he was just making out with Ivy, not from shame.

Following Josh's footsteps, Ivy asked "How did the meeting go, Reed?" Josh's hand was securely tied around Ivy, and his eyes were fixed on me. They weren't accusing or judgmental, but I still wasn't sure what to think of it. I burned under his gaze.

Noelle stepped a little forward, keeping her distance from the two. She sneered at Josh and Ivy. "Are you finally done doing one centimeter man on top of the stairs, Ivy? It's sad how far you've fallen." Her eyes flickered at Josh and she smirked. God, why did Noelle have to say that?

Josh scoffed. "You don't know what you're talking about, Lange." His eyes flickered and he peered through me. I knew that look. It was the look where Josh would ask me why I was hanging out with Noelle and the Billings girls. I internally groaned; I thought he was done by now?

Ivy smiled at Josh and looked at Noelle straight in the eye. "You and your fat ass can shut up." She faced me. "Reed, did you get anything finished? I'm sure you're having a hard time, keeping up with Miss Bitch right there." Noelle's jaw clenched.

I was about to answer when Noelle cut in. "Oh please, like you give a shit after the fact you were _just_ making out with Josh when Reed is supposedly your friend."

I froze. Noelle just hit the spot right there, and it meant a lot to me; if not _me_, then the three of us. This comment hit home and I didn't like it. What was I supposed to say?

"Pity. You're telling me to watch what I'm doing when you can't even hold on to your _dear_ Dash, who apparently doesn't love you as much as you'd like to think," Ivy shot back.

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Fuck Ivy for bringing that up. Fuck Noelle for starting to argue in the first place. I couldn't get in the middle of this. Whatever happened with Dash was history, and Noelle was getting just cozy with him. Noelle loved him, I knew what Ivy just said hit the spot. I hadn't forgotten everything that happened; because of that one incident, many relationships were broken. I glanced at Josh and he turned a little white. Noelle was a deep shade of red, and I had a feeling a fight was going to break down. For once, she didn't have anything to say.

_Ring! Ring!_

Perfect; just what I needed. Everyone's attention went to me and I plucked my phone out of my purse. It was Upton.

_Thank you, thank you Jesus! _

"Upton! Hey, what's up?" I exclaimed with a lot more enthusiasm than I normally would have used. I _was_ glad that Upton called, because I missed him. But this added a little touch of…something right now. I glanced at the people surrounding me. Noelle had a slight smirk on her face, Ivy's angry face was replaced by curiosity, and Josh's was…confused.

"Hello Reed. I can't help but say how happy I am to hear you," said Upton. His sexy British accent made me feel all fuzzy and I blushed. I totally forgot that people were in front of me.

I had to leave. Now.

"Well, you're not the only one," I flirted back. I quickly grabbed my papers and my purse, not bothering to look at anybody. I was heating up from embarrassment. _Reed, what is the whole point of working out those legs if you can't get out of here in time?! _

Having everything ready, I forced myself to walk forward and not look back. I did manage to get a glimpse of Josh though. He looked bewildered and crestfallen, as if he lost a very big game and it still hadn't caught up with him.

As I stepped out into the cold and listened to Upton's sexy voice, I couldn't help but chuckle darkly. If this was a game, then it hadn't even started. Not without my consent, at least.

* * *

**hey guys, thanks for the reviews! **

**well, what do you think? i tried to make the fundraiser as real life as i could. plus, a car wash won't do anything. what do you guys think about the whole secret thing, and the not so secret part of the fundraiser? what about the weekend idea? online prizes? i wanted to thank privateFAN for giving me the suggestion for the ball. i was planning to do it during the weekend thing, but i got a few things up my sleeve :) i know it seems confusing, but they need the money fast. oh, and what about the date i choose? is it too far or too close to raise enough money by then? i was like "oh, i'm not sure about this," but that's why i need your feedback! **

**sorry for the long questions.**

**again, you know what to do. remember folks, click the green button that says review...lol you know how much i love them :)**


	7. Empire State of Mind

Empire State of Mind

"London, Vienna, Missy, Lorna, Kiki, and Amberly: you guys are going to get the invites. Tell them to hurry up and get it done by a weeks' time no matter what. You'll also need to go talk to Driscrolli's and ask them about the Alumni brunch. Don't forget that plates cost thirty dollars, and we need the hall in two weeks, on the 24th." Vienna and London grinned at each other, glad they could put their flirting skills to the test. "And, don't forget to talk to Headmaster Hathaway if we can have a masquerade ball here, on the 23rd."

I turned and faced Rose. Her group consisted of Astrid, Tiffany, Portia, and Constance. "Politicians. Be nice, don't be stupid. Tell them we're giving some of the money to cancer research and we need Billings back, the usual. Noelle's dad has already talked to them, and he's going to be at the meeting."

I clasped my hands together. "That's it guys. I guess if you need anything, just call either me or Noelle." I glanced over at Noelle and she nodded. "Have fun?" A few people chuckled. "We'll meet up at Becco, around one. If you can't make it, just call."

Having finally addressed what everyone should do, I glanced around at everybody and saw how glamorous we looked. We were all going to New York and get whatever we needed done; London's group was coming later. Noelle and I were supposed to talk to the Palace, Radio Shack, Samar Spa, and pretty much all the designer stores. Kiran was going to meet us, so she could convince the designers to help with the fundraiser.

Today was Saturday, and it had only been a week since I was at school. So far, I had managed to keep track of everything that happened since:

1) Billings is gone.

2) Josh is still with Ivy.

3) I am an emotional train wreck.

4) Upton still talks to me.

5) I'm suddenly thrust into a crazy ass love triangle/rectangle.

6) Josh doesn't like Sawyer.

7) I am Noelle's personal slave for the fundraiser.

8) I am having continuous nightmares.

9) Let's not forget getting four to five hours of sleep a day!

So yeah, that was what I had down so far. Nice, isn't it?

The nightmares were the same over and over again. I would see Arianna, Sabine, or Mrs. Ryan faces in my dreams, taunting me and finishing their deed. And I would always wake up right when I felt like I was losing, panting for air and sweating. Sometimes, a faint cry would escape my mouth.

"Reed! Come on! We don't have all day you know." Noelle was tapping her foot impatiently on the floor. Everyone had already headed out, and Noelle and I were the only ones in the lobby.

I snapped out my thoughts. "Yeah, I'm coming." I grabbed my purse and buttoned my coat, feeling the cold air whip past me as I stepped outside at eight-thirty in the morning. I really hated mornings.

Today was going to be crazy. We had so much work to do, and Noelle wasn't giving me a break. Several times I would think if Noelle was making me work so hard on purpose. Or maybe that was how she was.

"Reed!" I instantly turned my head around, looking to see who is was. I groaned. It was Josh.

I looked back and saw Noelle and the rest of the girls going inside the limos. Noelle looked up and glanced at the situation laid out in front of me. She gave a disapproving look; regardless, she sat down in the limo waiting for me.

"Reed." Josh had finally caught up with me his blonde, curly hair bouncing in the wind. I swallowed. The way he left things earlier this week was _not_ ok. He acted so rude in front of Sawyer, and then he seemed apologetic? Maybe I wasn't the only on with mixed emotions.

"Hey Josh," I said quietly. I didn't really want to talk to him. First, I was mad that he treated Sawyer horribly even though he said he was happy for me. And then, he was acting as if he still owned me, but at the same time he could do Ivy if he ever got bored.

My eyes and brain registered what was in front of me. He looked happier, in a way. I could tell he wore some nicer clothes today, rather than the disgusting sweatshirt he kept on wearing.

He paused, noticing my stiff and vulnerable expression. Josh ran his hand through his hair, contemplating what to say next. His eyes drifted over to the limos, and for a split second, I thought I saw a flicker of disgust. Josh's eyes stiffened.

"Hey, I just wanted to say…sorry." Robotic, was all I could think. His speech was well-thought out. Idiot couldn't even come up with a real, emotional response.

"It was very…impolite of me to act the way I did with Sawyer. I know he's your boyfriend and all (even though I don't know the guy on the cell phone), and it was wrong of me to act that way. Again I'm-"

"Josh! No! You got the wrong impression. Sawyer and I aren't dating. We're just…really good friends." Ohmigod, I couldn't believe he thought that! Did everyone else think that? But…we had barely hung out this week. Someone was spreading not so nice rumors.

Josh's whole demeanor changed. He seemed…relieved?

"Oh, ok. Sorry about that. It's just I thought…you know, hanging out, I…"

"You know" what? What did he think? Was he going to act like a jackass to any guy he thought I was dating? Did that make it ok? And what about Upton, "the guy on the phone." What was he going to say about that?

I was mad. Pissed off. He was with Ivy, Goddammit. He chose her. He chose her instead of me. He was not my dad, my brother, let alone my boyfriend. He didn't own me. Josh was not my bodyguard. He was…nothing. He was an echo of my past life with him

"But even if he was, you still would be ok right? You won't be all mad about it, and you won't bother me?" I paused. "You won't do things in front of me?"

Josh reddened from shame of the things he had done. "Yeah. Most definitely. I respect you, Reed. And for a second, I forgot what respect was."

_Honk! Honk! _

Crap, I forgot that I was even going to New York in the first place. Josh smiled at me; a true, honest smile.

"Have fun," he said softly. I nodded, and he turned around to go back and left. He left me standing in the cold like so many times before. Except this time, we thought it was for the better.

***

"No, you don't understand. We need it on the 26th, the 27th, and the 28th. I don't care what Gwen Stefani is doing on Friday, and I don't care about the wedding that's on Sunday. You give me that date _now_," Noelle threatened.

We got to New York at around ten. We were only in the Palace for thirty minutes and Noelle was already threatening the party planner from the Palace. She was shy, timid, sweet girl and I felt sorry for her; dealing with Noelle's wrath was not the best thing to encounter.

"Ok, I know how this is important for you. But it's the freaking Palace! People make reservations a year beforehand! You should've thought about it before you came here and started being mean to me!" argued the girl, Marissa.

Noelle's face hardened, and she gave Marissa a death glare. "You know what? My dad is freaking Mr. Lange, and you do not want to mess with him. Ever." She smirked after she noticed a slight scared look cover her eyes. "Now give me the date."

Marissa sighed. "It's Gwen Stefani! It's the Van der Walls wedding! I can't do it! Do you know how much they're paying? A lot. And Gwen Stefani? No way in hell am I going to cancel after she gave me tickets to her concert. No way."

I gave a sideways glance at Noelle. I could see the gears running in her head. Noelle then put on her most charming face, although her eyes were saying a different story.

"When's your birthday, Marissa? Or do you plan to have an awesome party sometime soon?" Did she somehow find Marissa's weakness in less than two seconds? Amazing.

Marissa looked bewildered. "Wha-"

"Because I know someone who personally knows her, and I'm sure she won't mind performing at one of your parties. It would make you, like, totally cool. She is a very kind person after all." Noelle smiled again. This girl was a pure genius.

I could see the girl's mind becoming very confused. She obviously wanted Gwen to perform at a party of hers. However, by doing what Noelle asked, she could get fired.

"Fine. I'll cancel the parties. But you owe me," Marissa added. Noelle just nodded, and she proceeded to the paper work. It was hard for me not to laugh, knowing all too well Noelle probably didn't mean that.

Twenty minutes later, we were outside of the Palace, drinking in the victory. I turned to Noelle and asked "So, do you really plan to give her the best party ever?" A guy just bumped into me, obviously not paying any attention to his surroundings.

We had secured the three dates, and we managed to convince the Palace manager to give us some of the money if anybody that was part of the fundraiser was staying there. A couple days ago, I thought this was impossible. Now, I guess it wasn't.

"Maybe," Noelle said. The driver opened the door for us and we went inside. "She did do a very kind deed for us, don't you think?" I chuckled, and we headed out into the street.

I peered outside and looked at the glamorous shops and people. I was already feeling exhausted and kind of hungry. "Where are we going now?" I straightened my dress pants and a Nanette Lepore blouse borrowed from Constance.

She checked the time on her phone. "Radio Shack. Personally, I don't like that place, but it'll do. Actually, my cousin owns the east coast branch, so it'll be ok. But we still need to talk to him; his wife is a bitch. She hates me for some reason," Noelle stated matter-of-factly.

I honestly wondered why.

Another thirty minutes went by in heavy traffic, and I couldn't help but wonder if this was all worth it. The board members didn't agree to the fact that after receiving the money, we could build back in the same place. This was one messy battle.

Not only that, I knew something sinister was going on. Why did they even decide to close Billings down in the first place? How did they even come to this decision, after years and years of Billings's girls coming in and out of Easton and succeeding?

"Hello Reed. Earth to Reed." Noelle waved her hand in front of my face.

I blushed. "Oh, sorry." Noelle was staring at me intently. "I'm just tired."

Noelle's brow furrowed, and she gave me an intense look. I couple of uncomfortable minutes of silence passed by, and I started to sweat from nervousness. "Reed, Pemberly's walls aren't the best, you know. Probably made out of wood…not too thick," she said.

Oh no. Did she hear me screaming at night? Did she even know I was having bad dreams? I didn't think I was screaming so much in the first place…

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I huffed. This was stupid. I was not becoming Bella from _Twilight_, who was loser-ish enough to have nightmares about her boyfriend leaving. I was strong. It was all ok.

She looked at me for another second. "All right," was all she said. I sighed in relief, glad she wasn't going to continue. If it was Constance, on the other hand, it was a whole new matter. Noelle gave me one last boring look, opened the door and left, not waiting for me this time.

This was so gay.

I opened the door to the store by myself, only to be greeted with rows and rows of electronics. This Radio Shack was three times bigger than my hometown mall. I was surprised that this store had thrived despite the recent economic downturn. But then again, it was sitting in the middle of New York, and apparently owned by Noelle's cousin.

A few aimless shoppers were there, and I scanned my eyes to find Noelle; I couldn't find her. Was she mad because I denied having bad dreams? That was not fair.

I heard a loud laugh and saw Noelle with a very handsome man. He had soft, brown/blonde hair, and you tell he worked out. His smiled was worth to kill for; damn the East Coast for all their good looking people. I walked over there, intent on making my trip in New York worthwhile.

As I approached, Noelle's cousin saw me coming over here and I couldn't sworn he gave an approved look. Ew; wasn't he married?

"Ah, Reed. This is Nate, my cousin." She smiled at me favorably; wasn't she just mad at me a second ago? "He'll be the one furnishing us all the electronics for the fundraiser, and his staffers will be helping out the website. Apparently, his VP went to Easton and she's a Billings Alumni! I never knew," Noelle gushed out. Fake enthusiasm, maybe?

Nate's striking blue eyes peered into mine, and smiled. "We would do anything for…Billings," he said. He swallowed, drinking in my outfit and hopefully not what he thought was underneath those clothes.

Noelle's jaw clenched. "Of course you'd do anything for _Billings_, Nate. It's the right thing to do." She turned to me. "Isn't that right, Reed?" I nodded dumbly, glad that she managed to bring her cousin back to reality. Now I really wondered what the real reason why his wife was mean to girls.

Nate cleared his throat. "Well ladies, what kind of electronics do you want? The best, I'm assuming." His eyes flickered over to me. I made a point by looking away, suddenly interested in the flat screens.

Noelle laughed out real loud, and gave him a wicked smile. "Well, yes, but we want what's not yet in stores. Could you do that?"

He smiled and said, "Of course. You don't need to worry about anything. It'll all be covered. And, my vice president will be in charge of the website, if you don't mind. She's very enthusiastic about the fundraiser. I can give you her card." Nate took out a tiny white slip and handed it to Noelle. "Use it well?" The cousins laughed; this was getting awkward.

"Nate, I didn't see you at Thanksgiving! Where were you? It sure was quiet," said Noelle. Her cousin's eyes were glued to me. God, what was his problem?

Just then, my cell phone went off. I was beginning to think cell phones were my only distraction. I looked at the caller I.D. and found it was Kiran who was calling me. Interesting.

"Hey, Kiran! What's up?" I backed away from the Lange family, and went over to the CD's laid out in front of me.

"Hey, Reed, I have a tiny favor to ask you. Can you by chance leave that dreaded store owned by Noelle's cousin and meet Taylor and I outside? Taylor can't stop bugging me," she said. I couldn't believe they were outside, waiting for us! And Taylor was here also?! This was great.

"Yeah sure, but Noelle's talking to her cousin. What do you want me to do?"

She made a sound which sounded like "ew" mixed in with a "gross." "Get her out of that store now! He's a total douche, and I see him checking you out." Instantly, I turned my head out to the windows to see if I could see them. I couldn't.

"Yeah, ok one minute." I shut the phone and went back over to Noelle. She and Nate were again laughing at something, and his damn beautiful eyes went over to me. What the fuck was his problem?

I tapped my finger on Noelle's shoulder. "Uh, Noelle? Kiran and Taylor are outside, waiting for us. I think we're done now, right?" I snuck a peek at Nate, and he was staring at me intently. "Now, please?"

She obviously noticed the silent plea, and nodded. Noelle turned to Nate, and flashed him a brilliant smile. "_I'll_ see you around, Nate," she said while putting emphasis on _I'll_. Thank God she understood what was going on. But then again, this is Noelle Lange we're talking about.

He nodded. "Of course. Thank you for coming, ladies. It's always a pleasure," Nate added while looking at me with great enjoyment.

"Oh, tell Marianne I said hi! I miss her terribly." Nate turned beet red, and I couldn't help but grin a little. "As you should to," muttered Noelle under her breath.

I smiled a fake smile at Nate. "Yeah, thanks for helping us." I tugged on Noelle's Dolce&Gabbana black coat to get her going.

"Yes, thank you," said Noelle. I started to walk in a very fast pace, very eager to leave that store.

Noelle caught up with me and said "In a hurry?" She smiled at me smugly.

I scoffed. "What is up with your cousin? Isn't he married? I'm never going to meet him again!" I violently opened the door, all pissed off. She laughed, and proceeded to follow me.

I heard a loud squeal and turned to see Taylor running at me and grabbing me in a tight hug.

"Reed! I've missed you already!" She hugged me tighter, and I laughed. It had only been a week since I had seen her, and I already missed her.

"Yeah me too! What are you doing in New York?" Taylor released me and said:

"Well, all three of you were going to be here and I thought, 'Hey, why don't we hang out?'" She fixed her jacket. "You know, shop. Do fun stuff. For old times' sake," she added. Taylor was still tan from her recent vacation.

I smiled. As I thought about it, this was going to be one of the rare moments the four of us were going do something- without the drama, of course.

"Ooh, shopping! I love shopping! Don't you love shopping, Reed?" Kiran came over and gave me a delicate, graceful hug. She smelled of really good perfume.

I chuckled and said "Uh, I guess so."

Kiran _tisked_ me and looked at my outfit. "Not bad, but we still need to work on your overall wardrobe. Now, who wants to go to Saks?" She clapped her hands like a happy, young child and a smile lit up her face.

"Wait, what about the designers and the spa place we had to talk to?" I looked over to Noelle, and she really wasn't paying any attention.

"Kiran and I already did that. Don't worry, Reed. We only need to focus on how much money we're going to spend right now." Taylor grabbed my arm and dragged me inside the limo, Kiran and Noelle in tow.

After the driver shut the door, Noelle went over to the corner of the car and produced a champagne bottle. "Ah, now this is what I'm talking about." Kiran took out four glasses and the two girls popped the bottle. Kiran let out a tiny scream, and the foam spilled out on the sides.

"Here, here," welcomed Taylor. Kiran was pouring the champagne in all of the glasses. She handed Taylor and me a glass. I looked at it warily.

"Um," I fiddled with my glass, "it's not even noon yet."

All the girls laughed. "Yes it is, my dear. Now drink up." To prove her point, Kiran took out her cell phone and showed me the time. It was only 12:03.

I shrugged and took a sip. "Now, the real question: how long are we going to shop?" mentioned Noelle. She leaned back in her seat, and the car lurched forward.

I shook my head. "What about the other girls? Weren't we going to meet them at Becco at one?" What was up with Noelle not caring? This was so unlike her.

"Uh, no. Not today, Reed. I'm beginning to see wrinkles and circles under your eyes, probably a result of you worry too much!" Kiran took a sip out of her glass.

"They can wait." Noelle shifted in her seat and tipped her glass to all four of us. "To…the four of us. And to Billings," Noelle toasted. The mood suddenly became somber, and all us nodded in agreement, and taking another sip.

Suddenly, my phone went off. It was Upton.

I was about to answer when I saw a pair of smooth, tan hands take my phone and throw it across the limo. It was Kiran, and she smirked at me.

"Kiran! What is your problem? I actually wanted to talk to him!" I got up a little, only to be pushed back into my seat.

Taylor laughed at my reaction. "I'm beginning to like my new, toned arms…" She smiled at me.

"Reed, it's Upton! Whatever happened to your 'seize the day' ideal you had in St. Barth's? And he's so clingy." I started to protest when she cut me off. "Nuh uh. You are going to have an all girls day, _without _any boys. Especially Upton," finalized Kiran.

"For once, I actually agree with Kiran," stated Noelle. Noelle looked at me and smiled slightly. "Relax, ok?"

You know what? She-_they_ were right. I was with my three best friends, and Taylor and Kiran came all the way from wherever to see Noelle and I. So yes, I was going to relax.

I finally leaned back in my chair, and Taylor gave me an approving look. "You know, it _is _kind of hard to let go of someone as hot as Upton," she said. We all looked at her, wondering where she thought of that; this usually wasn't the kind of thing Taylor said. "What?" she asked innocently.

We all burst into a fit of laughter, and I instantly felt like I was back at Billings, where I didn't have to worry about anything and all we did was get drunk in the middle of the night. I didn't realize how much I missed those days.

And now, I was going to do whatever it took to get them back.

* * *

**thanks for the reviews guys! you'll never believe the goofy grin i always get when i see your reviews :)**

**ok so i know this chaper sucks, but i still want you feedback! and, do you guys have any ideas for any drama? i have a few planned out, but i think i might need more...**

**reviews please! always appreciated. and happy thanksgiving! **


	8. Paint a Lie

Paint a Lie

_The water engulfed her, and big, round bubbles came out of her mouth. Her eyes stung as she tried to release herself from that madwomen's grasp. But she wouldn't move._

_Seconds seemed like hours, and with each passing breath, she thought about her family and all the ones she loved. Above her, she saw a sick, twisted smile plastered on her murder's face. _

_Her head was shoved in even more, and she tried to kick. She threw her arms in the air, only to meet even more resistance. Black dots began circling her eyes and she knew she was going to die. _

_She was finally going to die. _

_She saw a small light._

_And then she knew no more._

"NOO!" I screamed. I sat straight up, gasping for air. It was dark out, but I was only aware of my erratic breathing and the silent tears falling down my cheeks. I was bathed in cold sweat, and a bitter wave surrounded me. I shivered, and lay back down in my bed.

I tried to calm my breathing and the irregular heartbeat coming from my chest. My hands brought up the blanket I threw when I was in my fit of fury, and it still didn't stop the shivering. I turned my head to the side and saw that it was 4:13 in the morning. This was ridiculous.

I hoped that nobody heard my screaming, and especially not Noelle. It was getting out of hand. Just when I thought they were going to get nicer, they got worse. Even praying to God didn't help; I wasn't normally a religious person, but I thought I should give it a try. Let's just say it wasn't working so well.

Scared that I was going to wake up screaming, I went to sleep at twelve, spacing out my homework time to make it seem like I was seriously pulling an all night-er. It had worked because I was able to fool everyone, but I couldn't resist anymore, and I had fallen asleep. Sleeping was becoming my worst enemy.

What was going on? I had never been like this. Even with the stalking- any stalking, really- I never had nightmares. I managed to stay strong, and I managed to convince everyone that I was alright. What happened now? How did I become so _weak_?

Since my mind and body wasn't letting me sleep, I decided to head outside. As I threw on a pair of sweats, I wondered if going outside was going to be a regular thing. Insomnia didn't always seem like the best thing.

Well, it never is.

I snuck out of Pemberly, avoiding all the creaks on the steps and the pitter-patter of my feet. Silently, I opened the door, only to be greeted with a still, cold air and some frost all over the campus. I hugged my coat even more, trying to keep the warmness inside my body.

It was freezing. The sky was a deep, yet light blue color and the stars were still visible. They glittered in the sky, as if they had nothing to do. They had no worries except just…sitting there and not going against the laws of inertia.

I stopped in the middle of the campus, debating whether or not I should go back or walk around. I really didn't want to walk outside, and I didn't want to go back. I turned my head to the side and saw none other than Mitchell Hall.

Perfect.

My feet started to drag me, and I got there in record time. I stopped in front of the door, realizing there was no way I could get in. God, I was so stupid. Of course you needed a key. You just can't waltz your way in!

_Click_. With a jolt, I realized the door was actually open. I was surprised. Did they leave it open on purpose? Or maybe they didn't fix their security system, which was a very bad thing.

Regardless, I went in, not wanting to waste my perfect opportunity. Stealthy, I walked down the hallway and suddenly recalling the moments I had in the Art Cemetery. The times I was with Josh, the time I met Blake Pearson, the incident with Cheyenne…

I hadn't noticed that I actually opened the door and it was unlocked. Not only that, I hadn't noticed Josh Hollis was laying down on the couch, right in front of me. Crap, crap, crap.

My heart started to beat faster and my feet were frozen. Instantly, he got up and turned around, looking at me in a peculiar way. His unruly curls were all over his face, and he looked tired. For a second, I thought about running when he said:

"Hey, Reed."

I gulped. Josh got up, but he made sure the distance between us was far and wide. I was still standing by the door, and all I had to do was turn around and leave. But I couldn't.

"Hey," I managed to say. I started to get all hot for no apparent reason. Josh stared at me for another moment before he smiled. His perfect blue eyes tinkled and for a second, I forgot how to breathe.

"Sit down," he said while he gestured to the couch.

"I…uh, no it's ok. I was going to leave anyways… I'll just go." Immediately, I turned around when I heard a small voice say:

"No, please stay."

I faced him again, and Josh looked so small and vulnerable that I had to stay. He gave me a silent pleading look, as if he couldn't bear me to leave. I swallowed. Instead of saying anything, I slowly went over to the couch and sat down on the farthest corner. I was vaguely aware of his sweet scent, mixed in with some cologne and paint. Dammit!

Josh sat down next to me, but not that close. I didn't bother to even look at him. This was too much. This private enclosed place was not the best idea. I hadn't realized how elusive and how close the Art Cemetery was for us. Even though it looked like a cemetery on the outside, it held a lot more than just old paintings.

"So, you couldn't sleep huh?" asked Josh.

I gave a sharp breath. "Uh, yeah." _Don't look at him, don't look at him_, I chanted silently.

"Reed, can you look at me?"

_Yes, as a matter of fact I _can_ look at you. But do I want to? Nope_, I thought darkly.

Josh sighed, and he buried his hands in his face. I took a peek and saw him looking very distressed. Instantly, my heart panged. Maybe I _should_ look at him.

He changed his position where one of his legs was dangling over the couch and his whole body was facing me. I still refused to look at him.

"Reed, I…this…I-I'm sorry," he sputtered out.

My head snapped up and I finally looked at him. Anger came forth for no apparent reason. What was he sorry for? Was he sorry for the amount of misfortune I had? Was he sorry that he was breaking my heart nonstop? Did he pity me?

I gave a harsh laugh. "For what?" He didn't say anything, but instead kept looking at me. A certain amount of hurt covered his eyes. His mouth refused to open, and he looked kind of scared.

I finally turned and faced him. I had to do this, no matter what. I was not going to wait for Josh to say and do the right thing.

"Josh…I know you-you're with Ivy…and I'm not looking for anything. But…I can't help but think, you know, that you want to go back to the way everything was before all this," I made a large gesture with my hands, "happened."

"You promised me you were going to call me during winter break. And you lied. I'm not forcing you to be best friends with me, but really? You didn't have the guts to call me about Ivy's condition? It's just a phone call." My breathing hitched and I silently cursed myself for brining my emotions up front.

"It's the tiny promises, Josh. Those promises mean so much, and I feel like you…abused them. I know you love her. I know for a fact." I swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall. "And I'm not telling you to-to do that…to me. But I…it seems like you don't want me to move on. One day you say you're happy for me, and the next you act all mad!" I turned my head to the side, not wanting to look at him. I was jabbering, and whatever I said didn't make any sense.

"I'm confused. So I think what I'm trying to say is…don't give me false hope. Please don't make me any promises. And please don't lie to me. We've changed, Josh. There's no turning back." I exhaled and peered into his blue orbs.

All was silent for several minutes. We barely looked at each other, but a few times I saw Josh's mouth open then close, as if he was going to say something.

Finally, he spoke.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating you like crap, and I'm sorry for giving you false hope. I'm sorry for making promises I can't keep." He paused. "I'm not a strong person, Reed. I've just been running from the truth." Josh inched closer, and my heart started to pound. "You-I…"

He couldn't say it. Of course he couldn't. Was it because he was in love with Ivy?

I was right. We had changed. Saying that we loved each other and committing ourselves was a whole new different meaning now. Before, it meant being together as blissful as we could, but now it meant not hurting each other in the process. It meant not lying to ourselves.

"I…wish I could give you everything. But I can't. And for that, I'm sorry."

If there's one thing Josh is good at, it's doing what I asked. Not lying.

* * *

**thanks for reviewing guys! **

**i was at home sick today, and i thought hey, why don't i at least write something :) i hate updating once a week, but school's gotten to me. sorry. **

**yeah i know, this is a filler and its probably not the best. but, you did get more reed/josh interaction. there will be more along the way, so don't worry! i kind of feel like i didn't do a good job of explaining, but as always, i want to hear what you think! **

**reviews please! **


	9. Headache

Headache

"I don't know why you can't just go on a day without screaming and acting like a bitch!" A loud _thud_ was heard on the wall opposite my bed, and I sighed. "It's a fucking shirt that _you_ lost because you're a slob!"

"A shirt that _I_ lost?" Noelle spat out. "I just saw it on your bed, damn it! Don't try to act all stupid!" It was 6:15 in the evening, and they had already bickered three times. Bickering is an understatement, actually.

"It's because I found it! You 'lost' it, so go around and piss me off, and then you blame _me_ for stealing your size 16 ugly ass shirt!"

I heard a loud gasp come from my mouth and Noelle's. Did Ivy just say Noelle was a size _16_? Oh my…

"That's it! I've had it with you two! I can't get a decent night sleep because you two are a bunch of drama and beauty queens! I'm going to Headmaster Hathaway's office right now, and getting out of here! You guys make me want to kill myself!" yelled their third roommate, Natalie.

"What? Nat, come on, don't leave! It'll totally OK. We'll stop- sort of," plead Ivy. She said something else, but it was slightly muffled. At least they weren't yelling.

"No, it's a good thing she's going. One less dumbass I don't have to take care of," Noelle added.

"You know what? I can't wait till you get knocked out of your high horse, you insignificant little bitch," Natalie spat out. There was some rustling going on, and then a door was slammed shut. I could hear Natalie's footsteps stomping down the stairs. Way to go, girl.

"Now look what you've done! She's my friend, and you just had to screw everything up and make my stay hell for the rest of the semester!" shrieked Ivy.

"Hell? You think you're the only one who's in hell?! If you think this is hell, then I'll show you what hell really is," Noelle threatened.

I heard Ivy scoff. "Bring it on, you cunt." Ohmigod, did she just use that super forbidden word? My hand covered my mouth in shock. I could practically feel the whole building suck in some air.

That was it. I was going in, like always. Oh, this was absolutely ridiculous.

I burst the door open and rested my hands on my hips. I examined what lay in front of me- books thrown across the room, a few shirts thrown also, and a broken glass. The girls were facing one another, red in the face. Noelle's hair was perfectly put together as she stood in school attire, while Ivy was wearing her pajamas. She looked the total opposite of Noelle, her hair thrown in different directions. And she was wearing 'booty shorts,' something Noelle and Kiran said was a no-no.

I threw my hands in the air, and gave an frustrated sigh. "Can you guys let it go for once, please? Just please," I begged weakly. They continued to ignore me.

"Fuck off, Reed. We don't always need you to save the day," said Ivy. She turned her attention back to Noelle. I was taken aback. The way she said it was extremely rude! It was as if I wasn't her friend, but somebody she didn't like. Or maybe something else contributed to her bad mood…

"Goddamn it Ivy! She's my friend and she can stay here whenever she wants to," retorted Noelle.

"Yeah, you're right. I'll just go," I said quietly during the half second pause that was given to me.

Ivy threw her hands in the air. "You think I care! You're such an-" She stopped midway her sentence and finally looked at me. "Oh crap, I'm sorry Reed. I-I honestly didn't mean that. I- shoot," she finished. She truthfully looked sincere. Behind her, I saw Noelle roll her eyes.

I sighed. "It doesn't matter. I was leaving anyways." I heard Ivy give a protesting sound, but I slammed the door shut behind me. With that, I turned around and went to my room, grabbing my school supplies and heading for the library. I tumbled down the stairs, feeling suddenly worn out. This was so annoying.

Natalie was right; they were a bunch of drama queens. They knew how to throw a yelling spree, that's for sure. Why couldn't they just let it go? They were acting like a bunch of immature thirteen year olds.

But there was Ivy, telling me to go away as if I was nobody. As if she could boss me around. I was hurt; immensely so. I stopped for a second and thought maybe, since she was already mad, she acted on impulse. Yes, she acted on impulse. Not because she hated me, but because she was already in fight mode. But… something was off.

I shook my head, already tired from the lack of sleep, the heartache, and the constant yelling. I trudged my way forward to the library, for once excited to work on homework. I had a research paper due for Mr. Barber, and I had no idea how to do my Calculus homework.

Slowly opening the library door, I made my way over to the tables, noticing a rush of students surrounding me. I peered over the heads, looking for an opening. Everyone was so wrapped up in studying, they didn't notice I was standing there or I had even opened the door. Well, everyone but Marcus.

"Reed!" he exclaimed, whispering as he did so.

Ohmigod, it was Marcus! I hadn't seen him all week! While I stood there, gaping at him, I noticed his hair had gotten slightly longer and he had a tiny tan.

"Marcus, hey!" I charged forward and enveloped Marcus in a tight bear hug. He smelled of peppermint and coffee; definitely a reporters smell.

I released him after an eternity. He laughed and said, "I think you've missed me too much." I laughed with him, while earning a few glares from the studious workers.

"You have no idea."

He smiled at me warmly. Now that I thought about it, where was he for the past week? Or maybe I wasn't paying enough attention.

"Hey, did you just get here?"

Marcus laughed. "Yeah, I did. I was spending some more time with my family in Miami. Say, how was your winter break?"

I froze on the spot. Of course Marcus didn't know. He wasn't one for gossip and drama. After seeing my hesitation, he let out a sigh. "Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have asked that, after what happened before you left. I-" He cast his head down, feeling a bit ashamed, and maybe even pitying me. Which I did not need.

"No, it's OK. It was great, actually. I went to St. Barth's with Noelle, and I met Kiran and Taylor, and it was totally awesome," I rambled. "I went shopping, and I went to parties, and I met this super hot guy, and I was just totally…great."

I couldn't stop. My heart was beating at the memories that haunted my dreams every day. So I continued.

"And St. Barth's is so pretty! I've never seen a place as pretty as St. Barth's! The island is so cool, with all these clubs, and you can shop all the time…" _Not to mention being stranded on an island, and having a third attempted murder already. _

_Mrs. Ryan's murderous face as she shoved me in the water… _

Marcus was looking at me as if I was high. In a way I was, due to the fact I barely had any sleep and Josh's declaration made me sad the whole day. He had a baffled look on his face, but to his credit he kept silent. The students near us were eyeing us carefully, wondering what was up with all the commotion.

The memories were washing over me. What the hell was going on? When did I become the sick and poor little child that needed help?

Instantly, I felt a warm, soft hand on my shoulder. I shuddered at the touch.

"Reed," the voice said.

I saw Marcus give Sawyer a confused look, and his eyes flickered over to his hand on my shoulder. Sawyer moved from behind me and came forward, giving me a concerned look, along with his trademark vulnerable smile. His hair was a messy array of blonde locks and he had a sweatshirt fastened around him

My muscles loosened up from that very touch, and I felt myself relax. The memories were going away and I was brought back to reality, due to Sawyer. I had a lot to thank him for.

"Uh…I'm Marcus, a friend of Reed's." He took out his hand and Sawyer shook it.

"I'm Sawyer," he supplied. I shook my head, becoming conscious of my surroundings and the people around me.

"H-he's the headmaster's son. I met him at St. Barth's," I fished out. I looked away for a second trying to compose myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a few curious onlookers, but they pointedly cast their head down when I caught them spying on me.

"Ah, now I know why I don't recognize you," Marcus said with a laugh.

Sawyer smiled shyly. "Yeah, well…"

A minute of silence followed. "Well, I need to go back. I'm done so…" He collected his books on the table next to us. He looked at me and gave me a warm smile. "I'll see you later Reed, Sawyer." He came over and gave me a tiny pat on my arm, nodded at Sawyer, and left.

I stood there for another minute forgetting Sawyer was standing right next to me.

"Do you want to study with me? I'm sitting over there, in the very back," Sawyer said quietly. He pointed at a table where I saw his books covering it.

I gave a nervous laugh. "Ye-yeah." I stood where I was at, not knowing what to do. My mind had gone blank.

"Reed." Sawyer went over to my side and hesitantly took the books from my hand. He peered through me with his handsome eyes and smiled slightly. "Come on." I snapped out of my daze and followed Sawyer.

We followed tables and rows of several bookcases until I saw the table where Sawyer was studying at. I wasn't surprised to see him pick a secluded spot in the library. No one else was around here. At this angle one could see everything; that was probably how he saw me. He set my books from the seat across from him and he pulled the chair out for me.

I gave a tiny smile and said, "Thanks." He nodded and went around the table to sit back on his seat. He rummaged around his notebooks and textbooks until her found the one he needed. I watched Sawyer sharpen his pencil with fascination before he caught me staring at him.

He swallowed and gave me an odd look. "Are you here to study, or…?"

I cast my eyes down and gave a tired laugh. "I guess so."

Sawyer obviously noticed my discomfort. I knew he was staring at me intently while I took out my books and got them together. When I finally looked up, he was still looking at me, concern written all over his face.

"Is something wrong, Reed?"

My gut contracted and my breathing got labored. For a second, I debated whether or not I should tell him the truth; I was so used to lying now. But Sawyer had made me a promise. He said that he would be there for me. And now, I was utterly tired of lying. So I spilled it all out.

"I can't sleep. I can barely eat. I sleep at least four to five hours a day. I always dream of…them." I rested my chin on my arms and looked up at Sawyer. "I'm still in lo-still confused over my…feelings for my ex, and I don't know what to do. I'm so tired, Sawyer. I'm tired of lying to people, and I'm tired of acting Oprah to everyone, when I need most of the help. I'm sorry for throwing this at you but…" I glanced at him and his face held consolidation and purpose. Not pity.

"But you're the only one I trust."

A tiny smile broke through Sawyer's striking features. It was a lovely smile, one that I had yet to see. I knew for a fact my lips had formed a smile also, and I felt warm. Warmer.

"Well then, I'm glad you do."

I held my gaze on him and Sawyer held his and for a second I forgot, for the past year or so, what it felt like to be relieved and calm.

"Reed! I've been looking all over for you! I have major stuff to talk about it for the fundraiser," said Noelle as she marched her way towards our table. I looked up and saw Noelle rushing her way to us, and I caught Sawyer give a slight eye roll. I suppressed a smile, wondering when he started to eye roll.

"Hey, Noelle." She came over to my side and yanked the chair next to me. She gave an exasperated sigh, and took out a large folder from beneath her arm.

"So," she started, "the girls have managed to secure the date for the second and third party-" She stopped, finally noticing Sawyer was sitting diagonal from her. "What are you doing here?" Noelle asked rudely.

Sawyer's face was passive, bored, and distant. "Aside from my constant complaining and wasting money on shopping, I like to do my homework. Besides, you're being too loud for the library," he added. I held back a giggle.

Noelle waved her hand dismissively and started talking to me. As I pretended to listen to Noelle's awesome ideas, I managed to sneak a few peeks at Sawyer. Every time I did, he smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. And I knew, for a fact, it was going to be impossible not to.

* * *

**thanks for reviewing guys! **

**yeah, i know, its a crappy chapter and yet another filler. i'm sorry if the pace of this story is going to slow, but i'm not one for all the bang bang in the first two chapters. so bear with me guys! on a side note, i won't be able to upload for at least a week or 2 because finals start next week and my birthday is coming up (I'M GOING TO BE 16! YAY! LICENSE! I AM FREE IN 6 DAYS!) and i need a break. sort of. anywho, i hope all your midterms go well too, if you have any :)**

**also, if you're a fan of vampire diaries, check out the new fanfic i have. it's from the sexy damon's pov and you'll get insight on a lot of things (soon). **

**reviews please! you know i love them **


	10. Recollect

Recollect

"Ohmigod, these invites are so cool! Look at them!"

"What _is_ the list? How do we get in?"

"Ooh, this is kind of like Legacy! Except I've never been to Legacy..."

I smiled as I heard exclaims of excitement the students were giving over the invites to the Billings fundraiser. The formal invitation for the actual fundraiser was out, and we were going to give the informal invites regarding to the masquerade ball later. I trudged my way through the heavy student body and the slush on the ground, trying to get to Coffee Carma, and still be in Noelle's good graces.

Finally reaching the door, I opened it, feeling the blast of the warm air enveloping me. The coffee took over my senses, and I had a slight feeling I was in _Barnes&Noble_, drinking coffee and reading a book. It was slightly empty, but as I looked to be right, I saw my friends huddling together.

"Hey guys," I said as I entered. I received hello's back, but I saw a couple of eye rolls from Amberly and Missy. Not that I really cared.

"So, what's going on?" I asked while I pulled up a chair, and sat next to Noelle. She was sitting all by herself at the end of the table. She sighed and ran her hand through her soft, brown hair.

"I already told you about the next two parties, but we have to get decorations, get dresses, pay the people, run a fucking website, and take care of all the money we're getting in. These girls are idiots," she added. Noelle sighed and fixed her skirt. It was a dark turquoise skirt, slightly pinched and embellished in a way to create the look of plaid, although diagonal. "It's Dolce I have to wear it, regardless of the weather," she said this morning before we left for school.

I looked around, and everyone seemed really busy. I shrugged. In front of me, there was a fruit basket and coffee out on the table; kudos to Amberly for practically owning Coffee Carma on campus, and giving us all the refreshments.

"What's the problem?"

Noelle leaned back in her chair and gave a laugh. "Nothing in particular, except we have to get our dresses," she said. Noelle looked genuinely happy, so I smiled back.

"Wait. What about the politicians? How's everything going on with that?" I stuffed a strawberry in my mouth.

Noelle looked at the laptop in front of her. "Fine; father is taking care of all of that. I think he's feeling guilty for not telling me about Billings, but at least it's working," she added. I chuckled.

I rummaged around the fruit basket until I found a strawberry. "Have you thought of any ideas for the other parties?"

Noelle nodded. "For the second party, after the masquerade, we're doing a future theme, and the third one, we're doing 1960's retro theme. Like from London, the whole underground idea. Maybe a little bit of mod?"

What the hell was she talking about? "Mod? What is that? And I have no idea what you mean by 'London Retro theme.' Come on, spill!" I demanded.

She only laughed. "Nah, I'll let you sweat it out in anticipation. Don't worry, it'll be awesome," she assured me. "On the other hand," she looked at the laptop, "we have at least sixteen thousand dollars worth of stuff on the website, and it seems like everyone wants them." Noelle looked up and smiled at me.

Holy crap, people had already bought _sixteen thousand dollars _worth of electronics? Oh. My. God. This fundraiser was going to be fantastic.

Noelle smirked at the state I was in. "Reed, we're dealing with Upper Eastsiders. They're obviously going by all this shit." She looked at the screen again. "Yep; they're willing to help Billings out."

I couldn't help but smile and throw in a little laugh. "Yeah, who wouldn't want to buy," I looked at the Fendi clutch that was laid out on the screen, "a one thousand dollar clutch? I mean, it's a total must have. Like, I so need to get it!"

She raised a perfect eyebrow at me. "Do not imitate me. Period." Noelle noticed my slightly shocked and embarrassed face, and she smirked. "Get a grip- I won't bite." Involuntarily, a tiny sigh of relief was let out from my mouth. "And that's Kiran you're imitating."

Ah, yes, I _did_ get it wrong after all.

I looked up and saw everyone clustered around three sets of laptops, pointing and making sounds of approvals. "Are they also looking at dresses too?" I asked.

Noelle leaned back in her chair. "Uh, they should be finding some halls and hotels for the other parties, but..." She frowned and then shrugged. "Whatever. I think we need a break anyway," she said.

I fought the urge to laugh. Noelle was actually giving some people a break? She was willing to be nice and let us have some fun?

I cleared my throat. "Have you found any dresses yet?"

Her eyes instantly brightened and Noelle leaned forward towards the computer. "OK, I found this awesome Prada dress. Here," she turned the laptop towards me, "look at it. It's for you."

Oh my, it was… grand. It was a soft, copper tone mixed in with gold, and there were lavender with hints of darker shades of violet on it. It was strapless, and the back view showed that the dress was not very modest. The purple wound itself around the actual dress, and it cascaded down, along with the gold part of the dress. There were subtle hints of gold and lavender embellishments. The cloth was wrinkled in divine perfection, giving it an earthy feel, despite its ridiculous price. I loved it.

I was speechless. "It's… wow. It's gorgeous." I looked at Noelle and there was a smile plastered on her face.

"Really? Well then, let me just type this in…" She proceeded to take the laptop away from me, and started clicking and smiling as she did so. It took me a while to figure out what she was doing.

"What the hell Noelle? You are not buying that for me!" I tried to grab it, but she yanked it further down from me.

"Nope. I'm buying this little sucker for you. Now deal with it." I sighed, knowing all too well it was going to impossible to tell Noelle no. Once she started on something, she was bound to finish it no matter what.

I groaned and rested my head on the table. I heard a low chuckle coming from Noelle, and it made me want to bang my head on the table.

I was appreciative that Noelle wanted to buy something for me, but on several occasions, I felt like a charity case. These people had money to burn, and it was all OK with me. But I felt pitied. Pitied because I was not rich, pitied because of all the hardships I went through. So, was it a good thing or a bad thing?

I would have to think about that.

"Sawyer!" someone squealed. I lifted my head up and saw Amberly rushing over to Sawyer. I rolled my eyes in distaste. She was wearing her usual matchy-matchy outfit, consisting of a white scarf around her neck. I glanced over to the other girls and I saw Astrid and Tiffany sniggering. And I could've sworn I saw Kiki blush.

Amberly was animatedly talking to Sawyer, and he clearly looked like he needed to get away. He had a long black coat on and books to his side. His face was pink from the cold and his blonde locks were thrown all over his face.

"Damn, that girl can't stop talking, can she?" said Noelle. Hesitantly, I looked over to the laptop screen and saw that it said the dress was bought, as were several other items. I just lifted a simple eyebrow, and resumed resting my head on the table.

"I feel sorry for him." Amberly was throwing her hands and her annoying voice at Sawyer so much, I felt like I needed to rescue him. Amberly was not good for him. She was an annoying rich bitch, and he deserved someone else. She couldn't have someone as good as Sawyer.

As if my mind and body were different beings, I got up and went over to Sawyer and Amberly, ignoring Noelle's questions and grabbing my purse as I left. Although he laughed and smiled when he needed to, he looked distressed. Sawyer was switching his feet back and forth, and he kept flickering his gorgeous eyes to someplace else. I smiled as I approached him. The chatter behind me was getting louder and louder. Sawyer's eyes were fixed on Amberly; he was such a gentleman.

"Amberly, don't you need to be working on the fundraiser instead of slaking off? Hmm?" I said. I looked at Sawyer, and his expression was guarded. "Hey, Sawyer," I greeted.

"Hello," he greeted shyly.

Amberly scoffed. "Shouldn't _you_ be doing something also? And FYI, I wasn't slaking off; in fact, I recall you coming thirty minutes later." She gave me a tight, fake smile as if she had won. Oh, I hated her.

"Go sit down, Amberly. For your own sake," I threatened.

She clicked her tongue in disapproval, but to her credit, she left. I turned to Sawyer.

"So, what's up?"

My smile quickly faded as I realized Sawyer didn't look too happy. He had a look of dissatisfaction, and his piercing gaze made me feel all hot and… nervous.

He gave a tiny laugh and ran his hand through his hair. "When did you start doing that?" Sawyer shifted his books to his other arm and he raised his head, as if he knew something I didn't.

I was taken aback. "Wha-what do you mean?" I saw Sawyer's jaw somewhat clench. All right then.

"Bossing other people around. When did you start doing that?"

He had to be joking. This was ludicrous. I just saved his ass! He practically begged for me to save him, and now what? This is what I got?

"Excuse me? You were the one who needed my assistance! You kept on looking at me and-"

"-and I didn't except you to be rude," he finished sternly, with a note of finality. "I was doing fine."

I was angry. Who the hell was he to say something like that? He didn't know me. I quickly concluded that Sawyer was the judgmental type. He made opinions in less than a second, and he had no right to do that. Yes, I was angry.

I scoffed and looked up at him, defiance written all over my face. "You don't know me," I all but sneered. Anger and frustration poured over me, and it didn't help that Sawyer's face betrayed nothing.

"Everything alright, guys?" Noelle came over, curiosity blatant on her striking features. I observed, with a great sense of relief, no one else noticed our tiny brawl, aside from Amberly who was smirking her ass off.

Sawyer didn't say anything; he just kept looking at me. And looking, and looking…

"Yeah, everything's alright. I was ju-just going to go…" I shouldered my purse, and proceeded not to look at either Sawyer or Noelle. I could feel the penetrating glares of the two, four tiny daggers wanting answers from me.

I could deal with that later.

I left in a great hurry, feeling extremely stupid and hurt. I honestly thought that I was helping Sawyer. Everything I did was under good intentions, but that left me all confused and suddenly tired.

"Josh, it will be OK. Trust me when I say that. Everything will be fine," Ivy rested her hands on Josh's arms, "and it'll all be over. Don't worry, OK?" She laid her hand on his cheek, and he looked at her hopefully.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I saw the two were resting on the wall outside the cafeteria. There was no one else in the campus, and their voices were clear as a bell. I inched forward, trying to get a better view. Ivy was in front of Josh, her back facing me.

Josh sighed. "I don't know… It's just... I feel so bad! What's going to happen when they realize we-"

"-we did nothing. Period. It's not a big deal. Even you said it was for the better, right? _You_ agreed with them. Just relax; _please_." Ivy gave him a kiss on the lips, and I just about puked. "Come on, let's go inside," she said in a soothing voice. Josh nodded, intertwined his hand around Ivy's, and they both left.

I stood there for a couple of minutes, drinking in the conversation. Josh and Ivy were hiding something big. Really big. And no way in hell was I going to forget that. I was going to find out what exactly they agreed on, no matter what the cost.

* * *

**dun, dun, dun. so, what are josh and ivy hiding? sorry folks, i can't give anything away... ok so i lied about not being able to update for a while. but here you go! oh, i also wanted to thank dancerx3d for suggesting, a few chapters ago, for a future theme party. thanks!**

**i know that several authors have pictures of dresses that they've described on their story, but unfortunatly, i don't have one. it's based off one of my drawings i've done, and i'd love to put it up on the internet, but frankly, i'm scared and i don't feel like doing it. sorry if the description isn't that good; it's kinda of hard to do so, and i've been redrawing it because i didn't like the initial design in the first place. **

**oh, and don't forget to check out my new vampire diaries fanfic (if you're a fan) called enigma. yes, i know it's pretty much the same title as one of the stories on private, but i totally got permission from the author, so it's all good. **

**reviews please! and i hope you're having a wonderful holiday! **


	11. Smitten

Smitten

Today was Friday, tomorrow was Saturday, and the day after that was Sunday. Friday was the day before the ball, which was on Saturday, and the brunch was on Sunday. To sum it all up, this weekend was going to be crazy. Everyone was so excited; like, really excited. And we had so much work to do.

"Constance, jeez, calm down. It's just a party," I said. Constance was in my room, gushing over her new dress and how Whit was coming for the party. It had been fifteen minutes since she had come, and she hadn't stopped talking since.

"Reed! How can you say that? This is like, the best party ever! Just think: we're going to be Billings's legends!" Constance came over and sat down in my bed, her red curls bouncing as she did so. "OK, let me tell you about my dress!"

I internally groaned, and proceeded to pretend that I was paying attention. My mind was extremely occupied, especially over the whole Josh and Ivy incident. I tried talking about it to Noelle, but she brushed it off by saying some very mean things about the two. But I had to get the bottom of this; countless experiences told me I had to act fast when I felt something sinister was going on.

Along with the Josh/Ivy mystery, Sawyer and I sort of had fallout. I thought about what Sawyer had said about me being rude, and I concluded he was right. But still… I had every reason to hate Amberly! She was annoying, a total suck up, not to mention she trashed my room last semester when she thought she was all worthy, which she wasn't.

Not only that, who the hell was he to think of me as some sweet, little girl? He had no idea what I went through, and a few people needed some type of cold treatment from me. Either way, it didn't matter. Sawyer didn't need any answers.

"Hey, uh, Constance?" I hopefully looked at her, but she obviously didn't hear me. "Constance!" I said while I shook her shoulder.

She snapped out of her 'daze' and looked at me. "What?"

"I gotta go… do some work. We'll talk later, OK?" I assured her. I got up and retrieved my purse.

"Aw, come on Reed! We never get to talk." She crossed her arms and pouted. "You're always so busy, and whatnot…"

My heart slightly panged with guilt because what she said was true. I had barely hung out with anyone, all thanks to the fundraiser. Not to mention being all fidgety from the lack of sleep.

"Look, tomorrow, come over and you can do my hair and make-up, OK? Bring Tiffany and Astrid with you too," I added to make her feel better. She clapped her hands and squealed.

"Really?" Constance came over and draped her thin, Irish arms around me. "This is going to be so much fun!" She released me and beamed at me.

I gave a slight laugh and looked at the door. "So, I should get going…"

Finally understanding what I was implying, she said "Oh yeah," and got her purse and jacket. I smiled and she led the way out.

"So," Constance started off as we headed down the stairs, "what happened between you and Sawyer yesterday? I thought you guys were pretty friendly towards each other," she asked nonchalantly.

My eyes widened a bit and my gut contracted. Why was I feeling so guilty? Damn him.

"Nah, it was nothing. Just something… stupid," I clarified for her, and probably everyone else. She only nodded, but I knew she thought something else. "Why, is it the only piece of gossip you guys have to talk about?" I asked a tad too harsh.

Constance's swallowed and gave a nervous laugh. "What? No! I mean, it's just, you guys seem like really good friends (well, more than friends), and we were like 'Ohmigod, they need to be cool with each other!' So yeah; end of story."

I stopped at the foot of the stairs and gave her one hard look. Did this whole damn school think I was going out with Sawyer? Constance cringed a bit.

"Yeah, OK."

She nodded fervently and started walking extremely fast; so fast, in fact, I had to jog to catch up to her. I smirked, knowing I hit the spot and I was going to get some answers soon.

I opened the door, seeing that Constance was outside talking to someone. A tall, handsome, blonde guy…

Shit. It was Sawyer.

As I slowly turned my body around, getting ready to bolt to the other direction, I heard Constance say, "Reed! Over here!" Crap.

Walking as slow as I could, my mind wandered a million different directions. First off, why was I making such a huge deal over the Sawyer incident? He was a judgmental guy, and I couldn't give two shits about that. Second, it was nothing! OK?! Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zip. A stupid, little friend argument, which consisted of my friend being disappointed at me, and me feeling really guilty over… Fuck it. Yeah; fuck this.

"Hey, guys," I said, with a hint of nervousness. I looked at Constance and gave a timid smile. She obviously sensed the tension between us. I kept my head cast low, a tiny blush forming in my cheeks.

"Well, I need to go to the newspaper meeting. See you later, Reed, Sawyer," she said while she whisked herself away. Damn her. She just had to leave!

I slowly looked up and met up with Sawyer's piercing eyes. They weren't in a tight line, but rather soft, as was his whole demeanor.

"I didn't mean to-"

"I'm sorry Reed, I-"

We both gave a nervous laugh, and I shuffled my feet. I met up with Sawyer's face and a smile was on his lips. His pink, thin, cute, little lips…

_Whoa there Reed! Need I say 'WTF'? _

"Look, I'm the one who needs to apologize. I was… very rude to you yesterday. It's just, the way you acted to Amberly… I know you wouldn't want to be treated that way. I know you guys aren't the best of friends, but I thought…" He switched his feet and looked at me nervously. "And you were right about me not knowing you. I shouldn't assume anything. I'm way to judgmental, like Jen would always say." Sawyer winced a little at saying Jen's name.

His little confession touched me for some unknown reason. It showed that he cared in some odd way, and the fact that he admitted to his mistake made me all warm.

"No, Sawyer, you were right. I shouldn't act like someone I'm not, even though I hate her guts," I said with a laugh. "But thanks, you know, for telling me. I'm sure no one would stop me. In fact, they would encourage it."

Sawyer looked at me intently and nodded. A gust of wind swept over us and several pieces of hair came out of my sloppy pony tail. "Ugh." A piece of my hair went into my mouth, while another flew out.

Sawyer brought up a hand, and gently tucked a strand of my hair being my ear. He did it with such careful, soft movements, it made me feel cherished for. I peered into his chocolate eyes, mixed in with ice, and I knew I was forgiven.

"Reed?" said a voice.

We both flinched and Sawyer withdrew his hand. I instantly turned around and was greeted with an extremely hot, sexy, guy with brown hair tousled all over his face, and blue eyes as deep as the Caribbean.

"_Upton?_"

* * *

**thanks for reviewng guys! **

**whoa, it's upton! that sexy bitch is back! what do you think? drama's here for sure, so stay tuned. and remember: sawyer = tingles/warm, fuzzy feelings. **

**reviews please! more would be appreciated :) **


	12. Never Mind the Bollocks

Never Mind the Bollocks

Ohmigod, Upton was here, flesh and blood. He was actually here. Holy shit. Oh God. He looked even hotter than before, and he might as well light the whole school on fire. His beautiful brown looked ready to be touched, and his striking eyes twinkled in delight. I was vaguely aware of the stares everyone was giving me, and all the envious glares the girls were handing out.

"Upton? Ohmigod! I-what… this is such a surprise!" I went over to him and hugged him. In an instant, I forgot all about Easton. And for a split second, I thought I was back in St. Barth's, hanging out with Upton and feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. The cold air wrapped us, but with Upton's strong, warm arms I had no inkling of the cold. God, he smelled so good right now.

He laughed my favorite throaty laugh, and pulled back to look at me in the eye. His deep blue eyes gazed at me and he smiled.

_Lord, help me_.

"Noelle told me about a certain party, and she invited me over. You don't mind, do you?" he asked in his sexy British accent. Upton's perfect brow furrowed and all I wanted to do was to make it all straight again.

"Oh no, of course not! It's extremely sweet of you to come here. I never would have thought… that you would!" I gave him another hug, while feeling extremely guilty. I hadn't called or texted him as I should, but he came here regardless. I had a lot to explain.

I felt Upton leave my side and go to Sawyer. They briefly shook hands, and I could've sworn I saw Sawyer's jaw clench. Oh yeah, I forgot. Sawyer didn't like Upton. And I was pretty damn sure Josh wouldn't like him either…

"Upton? What the hell, man!" I heard Gage say. Graham was right behind him and the two began talking to Upton. I walked up and stood next to Upton, seeing that Sawyer had already left.

"So Reed, like your new surprise? Of course, it won't help that you two keep on making moony faces at each other every two seconds," said Gage.

I scowled at him, and I felt Upton snuggle closer to me. Nice; very nice.

"Ready for the big party, Upton?" asked Graham.

He peered over me and gave his drop dead gorgeous smile at me. "Of course," he finished. I wrapped one thin arm around his strong back, and I smiled back, happy- right smack in the middle of a huge mess.

There was going to be a very large, bloody battle up ahead. Josh was still looming over the background, Sawyer was still here who was becoming more than just a St. Barth's friend, and Upton was standing right next to me, the most sought out guy ever. The boys talked, and a heavy feeling developed in my chest. I felt so guilty. I had a feeling I was giving Sawyer false hope, not to mention that I had some unfinished business with Josh (involving some serious confessions). And Upton came all the way from England- _England!_- to be my date for the ball. These guys- Sawyer and Upton at least - didn't need to be led on. Hurricane Reed was back.

"Hey, you guys coming to eat dinner?" asked Gage. He looked at Upton and grinned. "The food here is kind of shitty, but it'll do." Gage went ahead and rubbed his stomach and went off, no doubt wanting to be the first one in line.

We laughed, and Graham asked "Where are you staying?"

"I'm staying in The Rosetta Inn. It's a fairly nice place; cute little cottage. Reminds me of England…" Upton trailed off. "But of course, Reed wouldn't know- she's never been there! I think I'll show you some time, _if_ you allow me," he added.

I was blushing furiously, and I felt bad that Graham was the third wheel. Glancing up at Upton, I said, teasingly, "We'll see about that." Upton chuckled.

"OK, yeah, we should go. It's getting cold," Graham broke through. Upton's arm led me forward, and I thought I heard Graham mutter, "Gage was right about moony faces."

As we walked across the quad, people were continuously giving Upton and I odd, resentful looks. The girls gaped at Upton's hotness as he confidently walked beside me. I couldn't help but smirk. This was going to be the talk of the town.

I noticed that Upton made no attempt to kiss me or do anything flirtatious. The thought made me all warm, realizing that he was respecting my wishes. I forgot that I asked Upton to give me some space, and it was sweet of him to remember that.

But first things first- I had to get my emotions in check.

We approached the wide, oak doors, and stopped in front of it. It seemed like I was making a large entrance in a room full of important people, and I needed a breather.

"Ladies first," Upton said as he slightly cracked opened the door for me. Aw, what a gentleman.

I grinned at him and replied, "Thank you, Sir Upton Giles."

He mock-frowned at me. "Maybe I don't need to take you to England. You're already acting like a proper English lady." I raised an eyebrow at him, silently suggesting if I wasn't a proper lady before.

Upton came forward, mere inches away from my face. His sweet breath tickled my face, and he smirked. "I can tell you one thing, Reed. You are a proper lady… but secretly, I know you're something more," he murmured. A deep flush began to form on my cheeks, recalling the time I was about to sleep with Upton.

"Well then, I can't show the world how I really am, can I?" A playful smile went up to my lips and I opened the door even more, successfully cutting out the naughty talking.

"I've missed you," I heard Upton say as we went inside. I beamed.

I could've sworn I heard the whole cafeteria suck in some air. Literally everyone's heads turned to the door, and a flash of nervousness swept over me. Upton came closer, tucked his arm around my waist, and he smiled down at me. "Where's the red carpet at? I feel like I'm some big movie star," he said, making me giggle a bit.

We moved forward, and eventually everyone got to their senses and began acting normal. My eyes flickered over to various tables, looking for Sawyer (but I didn't see him; he was probably running late), and Josh. I saw that he was sitting with Ivy and her group of friends, who was sitting way too straight, his back facing me.

OK…

"Ah, there you are Reed. You like my surprise?" mused Noelle as we came by. She looked very smug. But I had to hand it to her; she did a pretty damn good job.

"Yes, I do. Thanks Noelle." I sat down next to her, while Upton sat next to me.

"Upton! What a surprise!" exclaimed Amberly. She leaned forward, exposing some under developed cleavage for a freshman. Ugh.

Tiffany rolled her eyes. "Gosh, it's been like forever since I've seen you!" The two laughed.

"Yes, well, the correct greeting would be 'How are you, Tiffany?'" Upton replied back. He looked at Amberly, unwillingly, and added, "How are you, Amberly?"

Tiffany laughed back. "I'm fine- _we're_ fine. Are you here for the party?"

"Yep," jumped in Noelle. Out of the corner of me eye, I saw Amberly huff, and the rest of the Billings girls were blushing furiously. Couldn't they make it any less obvious?

"Hey guys." Rose and Portia came by and sat in front of me and Noelle. Rose immediately started digging in her food tray. "I'm starving! I'm so busy getting ready for the-" Rose looked up from her plate and her mouth dropped.

"Uh, guys, this is Upton. He's going to be my date for the ball," I supplied.

Portia was the first to recover. "So, you're Reed's mystery guy. I'm Portia, BTW." She waved her hand and carried on to start texting on her cell phone. Upton said his hellos in his perfect accent, and Rose just about died. Upton gave me a quick smile, wondering what kind of powers he had on the girls in America.

"I'm Missy," she supplied from the far end of the table. Her big nostrils were way up high, and she tossed her ugly blonde hair to the side. Definitely not attractive. Upton scooted a bit closer to me, and I managed to suppress a giggle.

"Yo girls, move over. You need to make some room for us." Gage came forward, Graham in tow. Where was Sawyer? I gave a look to Graham, and he just shrugged. Maybe he was tired.

"No guys, go sit back down at your table! We were just getting to know Upton," whined Vienna. She and London threw a brilliant smile at Upton, and my blood began to boil. And I fought the urge to roll my eyes right in front of them.

"Oh Upton, my name's London, like the name of your country!" exclaimed London. The whole table looked at each other, seriously wondering where her brains went. I glanced up at Upton and he seemed positively shell shocked.

"London is the name of their capital, you idiot. You need to dye your hair blonde, so we'll know that you're actually serious," Noelle commented. We all covered up our giggles and smirks. Gage and Graham gave odd looks at each other, for once not having anything smart to say back.

"Who says I'm a natural brunette," London muttered under her breath as she played with a strand of hair. At the far end of the table, Constance raised her eyebrows, and gave me a smile. She cocked her head at Upton, and I mouthed a 'Later.' Constance nodded, and I internally groaned. She was going to be full of questions.

The boys ended up sitting at our table, and conversation flowed naturally. I was at ease, having Upton beside me and not worrying about… anything, really. I was genuinely happy, and I knew tomorrow was going to be great. I had the perfect date, the perfect dress. This weekend was going to be perfect over all.

"Hey Reed," I heard someone say. Only Upton, Astrid, and I were here after a long dinner. Everyone else had left, each of them silently telling me that they were going to wait for me at Pemberly, probably forcing me to spill all the details. The two British friends were talking about the U.K., and their stories amused me. British folks knew how to drink, that was for sure.

I turned my head to the side and saw Ivy standing right next to Josh. Ivy seemed happy and interested, while Josh stood several inches away from us, his eyes flickering over to other places. It had been a while since I talked to Josh, and I didn't know what to think. Not to mention that Ivy and Josh were making me feel all suspicious over their secret talk a while ago.

"Ivy, hey," I managed to say. Astrid gave me a concerned look, and I gave a terse nod back.

"Oh, I'm bloody tired. I think I'll go." Astrid got up. I gave her a silent plea to stay, but she just shrugged. "Nice talking to you, Upton… Bye… Josh, Ivy." Her Converse's made little pitter-patters on the floor, and she was gone, leaving me with an impossible mission. I was going to talk to her later.

Ivy turned her full attention to me and Upton. Josh was repeatedly fixing the strings on his sweatshirt, and smoothing out his jeans. Ivy raised her eyebrows at me, asking 'Well?'

"Oh, guys, this is Upton. I uh-" _met him in St. Barth's, he was my winter fling, and his ex girlfriend tried to kill me. Oh, and we made out everyday, and he has the sexiest chest ever _"-I met him at St. Barth's." Upton was fully facing the two, his sexy lips forming a smile. His arm rested on the table, and he lightly draped it over my shoulders, having his fingers move up and down my shoulder blade, making me shiver. Oh God.

Josh noticed the nice gesture, and I could see his arm muscles retract. I hope he took his pills.

"Hi Upton! I'm Ivy, a friend of Reed's." She took out her hand and shook Upton's.

"Pleasure to meet you, Ivy," replied Upton in his ever inviting accent.

Ivy beamed at him and gestured towards Josh. "And this is Josh, my boyfriend and Reed's… friend," she added. The whole time she was introducing Josh, I kept my head cast low, suddenly interested in the tiles beneath me. I refused to look at him.

"Hello, mate." Upton took out his hand to shake Josh's. I remembered the last time he went to shake someone's hand, and he didn't even do that. I silently prayed that he would do it so we could get on with… whatever.

Josh slowly took out his hand and brought it in contact with Upton's. Upton's smile quickly faded, and I saw that Josh was putting too much force in the handshake. Josh seemed passive and his face displayed no emotion, but I could the anger seething. What the hell was his problem!

After what seemed like an eternity, they let go. Both were flexing their hands; good to know Upton didn't go down in a fight. It was extremely hard for me not to smirk, seeing Josh's discomfort.

For the past month, I was just going with the flow with my feelings, not even bothering to settle my affairs. I thought I had with Josh, so I continued to hang out with Sawyer, feeling eager to let go. Among other things, I wasn't being the best of 'friends' to Upton, by not calling him as I should, even though he took the time to do so with me.

And now? I didn't know what to think. Sawyer just bolted, leaving only Upton and Josh. Josh was acting as if he had some claim in me (which he didn't), and Upton was doing what I asked. Giving me some space. And he was being extremely sweet about it. Not only that, he had no idea what was going on. I had to explain to him sooner or later what was really happening. This weekend was becoming less and less perfect.

"So… how did you guys meet?" asked Ivy. She seemed determined to break the silence.

Upton glanced at me. "We were all lounging, when I saw Reed. I've known the whole St. Barth's crowed since I was little, and we rarely get any new visitors. Needless to say, I sure am happy Noelle brought Reed along," he explained. I blushed furiously.

Ivy looked around. "Oh! That's so cute; don't you think so too, Josh?"

Goddamn it. She just had to ask his opinion over it, didn't she? I wanted to fucking strangle her right now. Ivy looked as if she thought none of this was wrong. Oh, but it was.

Josh looked at Upton straight in the eye. "Is that how you pick up one of your whores for the night? Perhaps use a different approach each day, but still the same result- you fucking someone. Worked well," he finished. Josh finally gave me one hard stare, and I wanted to kill him.

Josh Hollis just called me one of Upton's whores! I had every reason to move on and go out with somebody. No way in hell was I going to let that go. Josh had no incentive to say that. I was not his girlfriend, and I was not someone he could have a claim on. If he still cared for me, he should have not done that.

He needed a good ass whooping right now.

"Josh! What-" Ivy began.

"Listen mate," Upton got up, effectively scooting the bench back and throwing himself in Josh's face, "I have no idea what the bloody hell I've done to you, but you have no right to say anything like that. How dare you call her something as horrible as you did? She doesn't deserve this- she doesn't deserve you. And to think, you're supposed to be her friend, you little fucker."

Josh scoffed and raised his chin. Upton was so much taller than Josh; if I were Josh, I would've run. Like now.

"Guys, you're acting like little girls right now!" Ivy went over to Josh and started tugging his arm. He brushed her arm away, and Ivy seemed hurt. I got up too, resting a soothing hand on Upton's shoulder. Both of the guys never tore their eyes away from each other, and I was glad no one else was in the cafeteria.

"Upton, come on. It's not worth it," I said while I looked at Josh. I narrowed my eyes at him, truly hating him right at this moment.

Upton's shoulder relaxed, as did the rest of his body. He nodded, and I did a happy dance in my head. I was so glad no blood was spilled.

"Don't you ever come near me again, or Reed for that matter," Upton spat. He gave a hard look at Josh, and he yanked my arm, dragging me out. I managed to get a glimpse of Josh and Ivy, and she slapped him on the shoulder. Good.

Upton kept on dragging me well into the quad. "Where's your hostel?" he asked briskly.

"Upton, hold on a sec. Let's just talk-"

"Where is your hostel at? I don't want you to freeze out here."

"Upton! Just stop!" I broke my arm free from Upton's grasp; my arm hurt terribly. "Calm down. Just, let me explain everything."

He ran his hands through his perfect hair. "What is his problem? I thought they were your friends! I did absolutely nothing to him, and he said all that! He even called you a-a… whore! And that's not true! How dare he call you that?! I'm going to rip his little, no-for-good ba-"

I groaned. "Upton! Calm down." I came forward and rested both of my hands on his arm. He flinched a little but he held his ground. I felt like I was calming Daniel Ryan down, as opposed to Upton.

He sighed. "Sorry." I nodded, encouraging him to talk about it. Instead, he kept on looking at me, waiting for me to say something.

OK. Right.

"He's uh… he was my boyfriend. He's my ex." Upton kept on staring at me, waiting for more. Nervousness was slowly creeping in, and I started to get hot. "It's just, ever since the whole... Sabine thing, things have been a little… muddy. I hope you understand," I pleaded. He nodded, acknowledging everything I just said. Thank God.

He sighed again. "So, do I have to deal with him tomorrow at all?"

I gave a hard laugh and said, "I hope not." Upton nodded again.

"I-I should get going. I'm sure you're tired." He took both of my hands and lifted them up, while he wrapped his arms around my waist. I hugged him back fiercely, feeling extremely guilty.

"I'm sorry about all of this," I mumbled deep within his chest.

A low rumble emanated from his chest. "No, it's alright. But if he ever lays a finger on you, I'll become the damn Devil himself," he said so patriotically. I giggled.

"I wouldn't doubt that." Upton released me, and I instantly missed the feel of his arms. He gazed at me, and the amount of guilt intensified. I was in a lot of trouble.

"Good night, Reed. I'll see you tomorrow." Upton cupped my face with one of his hands, and he bent his face forward, giving me a lingering kiss on the forehead.

"Will you be here early?" I was beginning to feel a heavy dread in me. The place where he kissed me was tingling.

Upton let go of me. "Of course." I smiled at him and gave him another quick hug.

"Bye." He started to walk back and I called out after him. "And don't let the bed bugs bite!" I heard his loud laugh, and I felt a lot better. I watched him walk back to the gates, his coat flapping in the wind. Upton was a tremendously good person, and he deserved someone else. I felt horrible. Maybe I was a… whore.

_No Reed, stop thinking like that!_

Loud footsteps broke my train of thought. I turned my head to the side and saw Ivy walking real fast. She looked haggard and distressed. I had to talk to her.

"Ivy! Wait!" She continued to ignore me, and she kept on walking straight to Pemberly. I huffed and followed her.

"Ivy, come on. I need to talk to you!" I was very close to her, but her pace quickened. I walked even faster, my breath becoming labored. She continued to ignore me, until she abruptly stopped. I skidded in my tracks, noticing her icy stare.

"You know what sucks? Those two were fighting over you. You! I'm supposed to be Josh's girlfriend." She paused and took a deep breath. "I wouldn't bet a single dime on the fact that Josh still loves you," Ivy spat. I saw lingering tears in her eyes, and I felt absolutely horrible.

"Ivy, I-"

"I've been trying to understand his motive for keeping me, but I really can't. I don't doubt that Josh pities me. And I need you to stop that too," Ivy added. My mouth was frozen, and I didn't know what to say.

"Ivy look, he obviously cares some way or another-" I started.

"Stop." She stepped back, intending for the conversation to be over. "Just leave me alone. Leave me _and_ Josh alone." With that, Ivy turned her heel and left. What the hell was going on?

I stood there for another five minutes, drinking everything in. I inhaled, wishing I could escape to England with Upton right now. Eventually, my feet started to drag me towards Pemberly. As I walked, I noticed a slight shadow. I froze, and my heart quickened. Was it another…?

With swift movements, I turned my head to the side and saw Sawyer leaning against one of Drake's wall. His legs were crossed, his hands in his coat pockets, and his head was tipped to the side, making him look impossibly cute. For a second, I thought he looked like a mobster. All Sawyer needed to have was a cigarette. And he needed to throw the butt of it down on the ground, while expertly smashing it with his foot.

OK, my imagination was running to wild.

But I could've sworn I saw him smirk as he walked away, as if he saw everything that had happened inside. Which I'm sure he did. No wonder he was laughing.

* * *

**thanks for reviewing guys! this is sort of a late xmas present. i've noticed that my last few chapters have been very sloppy, and lacking details, so i hope this chapter makes up for it. **

**well, what do you think? this is a little taste of what's going to happen later on, so stay tuned. next chapter is the ball, for sure. **

**quick question: would you guys like it if i put a playlist on my profile for the party? i'm like in love with music, and i'd love to share it with you guys. sorry if i'm trying to convert you to my music, but in my defense, it'll make reading the story a lot better :) thanks!**

**reviews please! they're always appreciated. **


	13. Proper Lady

Proper Lady

"Are we done yet?" I whined. Constance, Astrid, and Tiffany were in my crowded room, getting ready for the masquerade ball. Constance insisted on doing my hair, nails, and make-up, and getting me ready was taking most of the time. We had an assembly line going on in my tiny room, and the girls all managed to get dressed in time. Except me.

"Yes, yes, just hold on." I squirmed a little and she smacked me impatiently on the shoulder. "Stay still!" I groaned. She pinned up one more bobby pin, and she said "There. All perfect." I turned my head around, not sure if I should look, and definitely not sure if I had permission. "Look!"

"Wow Reed, you look so hot," Astrid commented.

"Yeah, you look gorgeous," I heard Tiffany say.

"Aren't I a genius?" Constance remarked.

I barely heard them as I stared at myself in the mirror. The dress accentuated my body, hugging every curve and showing what a proper lady should not show. My somewhat tan skin (all thanks to St. Barth's) was still lingering, giving me a slight glow. My hair was in soft curls which Constance expertly pinned up, giving it a Victorian age look, all tied together in a light bun. Little, deliberate curls danced around my face. My make-up was what Constance had seen in Vouge; my cheeks were painted in a coral blush, and I had barely there eye shadow. My lips were coated in a blood red color, making me the epitome of a classic 1940's lady.

I was beautiful.

Turning around, I couldn't help but let my stupid grin play out on my lips. "Thank you so, so much guys." I took a peek at myself in the mirror and faced my friends again. They too had goofy grins on their lips, each painted a different color. "I'm so excited!"

"Hell yeah! I'm so glad I can finally wear this Monique Lhuillier dress. I've had it for such a long time," said Astrid as she fixed her hair. Astrid's hair was done in a funky way, her raven hair a dark contrast to her skin. Her dress was red and slim, and a halter. There was a deep V-neck on her dress and gold, brown, and dark green beads were embellished around it.

"Yeah, and I've had to hear you complain every day," said Constance. She wore a pastel green dress, hitting below her ankles; it was strapless. It had light, skinny feathers on the top part of her dress, and little flowers- cloth, that is- started at the bottom of her right breast, and it wove down to the other side. The bottom part was cut and layered in different lengths, giving it a large look, but still looking elegant. Her hair was straight (a total shocker) and she looked great.

Tiffany came over and gave me a light hug. "Let's get going girls." She wore a silk dress, also ankle length. It was strapless, and she had a tiny black belt tied around her waist. The top half was light yellow, mixed in with gold, with some light brown splattered in it. As the design went down, the colors faded and white was left. She looked stunning, as usual.

We all giggled, ecstatic over the party. This was going to be a night to remember.

Upton was already here, but when he tried to get into my room, Constance pushed him out. He came early, respecting my wishes, and that little thought made me smile. I couldn't wait to see him.

Whatever happened last night was something I didn't discuss at all to anyone. I told Upton that tomorrow I would explain him everything, before the brunch with the Easton Alumni. He complied, and I didn't like what I was going to have to say. This sucked.

The four us laughed and squealed in delight our way down the stairs, acting like little school girls. We slipped on our masks before we headed out, and Constance made us stop.

"This makes us legends. We are Easton legends!" exclaimed Constance. We all smiled, not wanting to kill Constance's mood. Astrid rolled her eyes, no doubt wanting to leave already.

"Hey, wait up," we heard someone say. I turned my attention to the stairs, and I saw Noelle rushing towards us. She wore a magenta colored chiffon dress. A deep cut started on her left thigh, and spread wide open. Her dress was a V-neck also; a loose ribbon was tied underneath her breasts. She wore a fur black cardigan, and black leather gloves, cut short to her wrists and revealing her fingers. She wore a black mask, adorned with more black feathers. She looked beautiful, as usual.

"Did you guys think you could just leave me?" mused Noelle as she came forward.

We just shrugged. "We thought you had already left," said Tiffany.

Noelle smoothed out her dress. "Yeah well, I forgot something." She lifted her clutch and waved it in front of us.

"We should get going," Astrid mentioned. The girls nodded, and they left Noelle and I in the lobby.

"Noelle… thanks. For, you know, buying me the dress, the shoes, pretty much my whole wardrobe," I said. I laughed nervously.

She _tisked_ me and said, "Come on, Reed. I thought we were all over the mushy stuff!" Noelle linked her arm around mine. "Just relax. This isn't the end, Reed. It's just the beginning."

I looked up at her, and concluded she was right. This was a new semester, and a new start to things. Whatever happened yesterday was nothing. If I wanted to move on, then so be it. That was that. No one was going to stop me. Not Josh, not Sawyer, not Ivy- no one.

Noelle laughed, dragging me along into the deep night where music, dancing, and good times were waiting for us.

***

"This party is awesome!" Upton yelled over the loud music. He twirled me, and a loud laugh escaped from my lips. "You guys really outdid yourselves," he complimented. He brought me back to his chest, hugging me tight.

"Yeah, I know." I glanced over Upton's shoulder, admiring the gold drapes hanging from the ceiling. It was dark, but a faint light could be seen. Everyone was covered behind their masks, and for a foolish second, I felt that I transported back in the 1800's, where masked balls thrived. There were hints of black around the room, and an occasional red. Noelle really did do a great job.

"But, of course, _you_ look beyond beautiful," he murmured in my ear. I blushed furiously, and I didn't doubt the fact that everyone saw that.

"Why, thank you," I replied back. He smiled his signature smile, and he dipped me low, my back being supported by his strong arm. I couldn't help but laugh and tip my head back, earning glares and a few smiles. Upton lifted me back up as the last note was played, and he bowed.

"It was a pleasure, Miss Reed Brennen," he said formally. Upton took my hand and kissed it. It wasn't just a normal hand-kiss, and I definitely felt his tongue slightly brush over. Ohmigod. I giggled again, ecstasy sweeping over me.

Upton brought me back close to him, a groovy jazz song playing over head, igniting smooth dancing. I sighed, tucking my head on his chest, feeling utterly content.

Even though I told Upton that I would explain to his everything tomorrow, I had a nagging feeling and I wanted to do it tonight. I couldn't wait. I wanted to make everything solid before… something happened.

In reality, I was itching to be close to him as I was in St. Barth's. In a month's time, I forgot what it was like to be around Upton. And now, I wanted him. I really did. He made me feel safe and secure, and I didn't have a single care in the world when I was with him. There was no past to dictate us. Upton truly did love me. I made up my mind, then: I was going to tell Josh to back to fuck off, and I was going to tell Sawyer that…

I had to think about it first.

We continued to dance, Upton and I. I was barely aware of the fact that someone had spiked the punch, and everyone was becoming louder and crazier. The music was pounding in my ears, and to hear Upton's rhythmic breathing was pure bliss. Sometimes, he would sing along to the music; it was lovely.

Eventually, a guy has to go to restroom. You can't always expect them to hold it. So when Upton had left, I felt surprisingly small, finding that I had nowhere else to go. Upton had to go outside and to the boy's dorms, for the ball was held in the cafeteria. It was going to be a while before he came back.

I made my way over to the wall, deciding to become a wallflower for a few minutes. I stood there, trying to soothe my feet, while watching everyone dance. People were floating in and out, each cheering happily. I was overly pleased at the outcome. Everyone had signed up for the actual fundraiser, and we got tons more money for this party. Money was pouring in like crazy.

Noelle designed- or rather, her personal party planner- the hall in such a way where it seemed like there were hallways and other rooms. The drapes were closed off in a few sections; one of them was the "parlor room," although there wasn't a bathroom to accompany it. I decided to go there.

My feet started to drag me all the way in the back. I moved a light curtain inside, and was greeted with a true parlor. There were mirrors all around; small and tall mirrors. The small ones had lights around them, and there were red seats accompanied with it. All the girls were gathered around, fixing their dresses and make-up. I scanned for an empty mirror, but they were all full. Glancing around, I saw a certain someone talking animatedly with her group of friends.

Ivy.

She looked gorgeous, really. Her dress was long and flowy, and a deep, rich purple color. Her raven hair was curled to perfection, but let loose, and she seemed at ease, as if what happened yesterday was not a big deal.

One by one, her friends started to leave, as did everyone else. My hands started to get all clammy. I wanted to talk to her; _needed_ to talk to her. I needed to make sure everything was alright between us. I wanted to tell her that I was choosing Upton, and moving on. I really did. She deserved to know.

I slowly inched forward, and I saw myself within plain sight on the mirror. Ivy's eyes peeked at me in the mirror, but she continued to ignore me. I took a deep breath and spoke.

"Ivy, I need to make sure everything is alright between us," I flat out told her. Since when did I become so bold?

She scoffed and applied her lipstick. "And why would it?"

I swallowed, feeling extremely guilty. "Look, I-I'm moving on. I'm not lying. I'm not going to stay here and screw everything up when-"

Ivy laughed real loud and faced me, a wicked smile playing on her lips. "Oh, but you are. It's what you're good at." Her fake smile quickly faded, and she proceeded to get up. "What part do you not understand of me telling you to leave Josh and I alone?" she said while she turned to leave. Ivy whisked out the room, leaving me shocked.

No way was I going to let her go. She had the right to know, and Ivy was acting the way she was because she was hurt. I had to make everything right. I ran after her, throwing the damn curtain aside. She was walking super fast, away from the party. My toned legs easily caught up with her and I lunged for her arm.

"Let me go!" she hissed as she tried to yank her arm free. I held on tight.

"No. You listen to me. You have no right to act the way you're acting to me. I've done everything I can to make everything right, but that doesn't seem enough for you, does it?" Ivy tried to squirm free, but my hand was an iron fist. "What do you want? I'm letting you be with Josh, and you somehow find a way to bring everything back to me." I loosened my grip around Ivy's wrist and she took her arm back.

Ivy sneered at me. "I'll tell you what I want- I want you to get the hell away from me. Or better yet, away from Easton." She stepped forward and stopped, thinking. "And I don't need your permission to be with Josh."

I threw my hands in the air and let out an aggravated sigh. "I've done nothing! I've minded my own business this whole time. You have no reason to hate me!" I all but whined. Ivy was acting like a complete two year old, and it was annoying me. Why wouldn't she just listen?

Ivy stepped towards me until she had me coward against the wall. "I have every reason to hate you! I had something good in my life, and you took it all away! It's you- you, the low life red neck who has everything. You can't act innocent anymore. You know what you've caused. And if your mind is still reeling over this, than that just means you're plain stupid," she threw at me.

I was stunned. She thought I had everything? She thought I was the perfect little girl surrounded by loving people? Did she have any idea what I had been through?

"You have no right to base your judgment off of what you see. You don't know me," I said, trying to keep my voice calm. Ivy's icy stare kept me on hold, and her jaw barely loosened.

"You're right; I don't. And I don't plan too," she finished. She pushed me on the shoulder and left, not bothering to look back.

I was in an utter bewildered state. She hated me because I did nothing. A sinking feeling came into my chest, and I realized that nothing would be the same anymore. I recalled that whenever something happened, people found a way to degrade me, and they always said the same thing- that I caused it. That if I wasn't here, none of it would have happened.

Several more minutes flew, and I briefly wondered when it was going to be midnight. Headmaster Hathaway allowed us to have the party until twelve (a complete shocker), letting us reprise the old tradition of taking off the masks at midnight.

The student body passed by, telling me what a great party this was and hoping for more. I responded in kind by smiling, when I sure as hell didn't want to. I recognized no one, due to the masks they were wearing. I didn't move a single inch because I felt like crap. Or maybe, I didn't move because I knew if I walked, a calamity would happen, and everybody would hate me.

"Something's bothering you." I swallowed, recognizing the voice. I turned my head and saw Sawyer. He was wearing a black tuxedo, similar to the one he wore in Casino Night. His mask was silver and cut in half, revealing half of his face. He reminded me of the guy in the _Phantom of the Opera_. His hair was slicked back, showing off his chiseled jaw.

I scoffed. "And you're not laughing about it?" I said a bit too harsh. I crossed my arms, and focused on the scene in front of me.

He sighed. "You do know that, since you're trying to make everything right, it's just making everything worse?"

My lips narrowed and I wanted to smack him. "Shut up. I don't know what you're trying to prove by making me feel bad." I didn't move, even though I wanted too. I was just tired.

"But you're still here." He leaned in, his one visible eye making me all squeamish.

Yes, I was still here because I wanted to know a few things. "Why were you watching me?" I held my gaze on him, trying desperately hard not to look away.

"I was outside the whole time. But I can only guess what happened." Sawyer expertly took a sip from his punch. I thought it was spiked? He did wince a little, but swallowed it regardless.

"And you thought it was funny."

Sawyer turned his attention to the party. "You're too eager to escape. It's one of your flaws. You just drop things and go, once you realize something better is out there. But you forget that you've left a few messes behind," he calmly explained.

What he just said hit right at home, not to mention totally random. I hadn't realized that before; I hadn't realized that I was an over eager farm girl. He was right. My whole life, I wanted to escape the problems at home. And when I came here, I was beyond happy, knowing that I was accepted into the most prestigious group of people.

And then I got sucked into the vortex of money, clothes, boyfriends, and a life I never had. I thought it was easy to leave things, thinking that they would mend themselves. But Sawyer was right- I never did realize how many messes I left behind. Was it my responsibility to clean everything up? No, I hoped. But that still meant I had to do something.

First things first: I really needed to break it off with Josh no matter what. Things had dramatically changed, and we couldn't go back to what it was before. The time that we were apart showed us so many things. Like how we could be rude to each other, disrespect the time that we had. As much as I cherished those memories, it couldn't be. It can't be. I was finally going to let go. Not everything is mine.

I just had a major epiphany, all thanks to Sawyer.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked again in a small voice. I was feeling completely vulnerable.

"You don't need the hottest thing out in the market to feel like you're worth something. You don't need hi- that to escape and feel somewhat better," said Sawyer. He wasn't looking at me, and his eyes were fixed straight ahead.

He was talking about Upton. Which, was to say, considerably a lot better than talking about Josh.

I gave a hard laugh. "Still hate Upton."

"Yes and no. I don't hate him, but I don't like him either. Just because he doesn't know everything, doesn't mean he'll always be there for you in a way you want him to be," Sawyer said.

I swallowed a rather large lump in my throat. "I still don't get it- what are you trying to prove? What do you want me to do?" I was feeling increasingly frustrated; I didn't know why I wasn't leaving yet. Raising my eyes at him, I asked "What do _you_ want?"

Sawyer looked at me with a tortured expression. "I-I don't want you to make the same mistake," he choked out. He was fighting for control; I could see it. He opened his mouth to say something else, but he closed it back up. Sawyer left without another word, leaving me completely perplexed.

It was probably the strangest, yet most honest conversation I ever had in my entire life. Sawyer showed me who I really was. He opened several doors for me, ones I had yet to see. I didn't know why I was in such a hurry to "finalize" things, when really, I didn't have to. I was only 17, for Christ sake! I had a whole life in front of me! But I chose to be stuck in the past, letting it dictate my future. Now, not so much.

Ugh, what was I going to do? Did I officially want to break it off with Upton? And didn't I just exclaim that I wanted to be with Upton? Did I want Josh to be an echo of what was? And what did Sawyer mean when he asked me not to make the same mistake? What was he talking about in the first place?

It was settled then: I was going to talk to Upton, and tell him I didn't want to be with him. Besides, he was the easiest person to talk to. As mean as it sounded, I had to do it. I couldn't give Upton false hope. I didn't have an actual battle plan, but from the time I would be walking from the room to Upton, I would have my mind made up by then. Where was he, anyway? Was it even a good decision in the first place?

Second, I was going to talk to Josh and tell him to back off. I didn't want to be tangled with some stupid drama when I could not be a part of it. Ivy obviously cared a lot about Josh, and she deserved him. She deserved happiness.

Feeling rather annoyed at myself for always second guessing, I decided that I was going to create a new life. I wasn't going to act all weak tonight; I was going to say what I needed to say for my own benefit- _their_ benefit, also. No one was going to stop me.

Ignoring the feeling that I shouldn't go outside, I went anyway, pushing past people and ignoring their glares. My pace quickened, and I really needed to see Upton. It had been several minutes since he had left; did he get lost?

I forcefully opened the front doors, suddenly being greeted with cold air. I shivered, wishing that I had some type of jacket. My eyes glanced around, and I couldn't find Upton anywhere. Did he have to go that bad?

As I started to walk forward, I felt someone cover my mouth with their hand, dragging my along with them.

_No! It can't be another stalker! _

Feeling renewed strength, I started throwing my arms up, and trying to kick the person. I heard some gasps and their arms tightened around me. I tried to scream, but it was muffled from the person's hand. I briefly licked it, hoping that it would gross them out.

"Shh! Damn it! I won't do anything. It's me."

Josh.

What the hell was he doing? Who did he think he was to drag me out and act as if nothing happened? I wanted to beat the crap out of him. He continued to haul me over to the wall, and I somewhat stopped my thrashing. At least it wasn't another stalker.

After dragging me for God knows how long, Josh released me. The walls looked familiar and I quickly realized we were by Mitchell Hall. I moved several steps back, making the distance between us very large. It was extremely dark out, and the moonlight was the only source of light.

Josh was also wearing a tuxedo, but his mask was a dark, rich gold. It was carved in such a way that it looked like someone ripped it out of the gold mine, not bothering to smooth it out. His blonde locks were thrown around his face, making them look absolutely irresistible. Damn him and his hair.

"What do you want?" I hissed out. I took another step back, and Josh took several more steps forward. My breathing hitched, and I knew this wasn't right. Few more steps back and a few more steps forward; that was our little dance.

I eventually stopped, seeing that I was only cornering myself even more. We were deep in the alley. He was so close. I could smell his cologne. His quiet breathing only made things more… intimate.

"What the hell do you want?" I threw at him. I wanted leave so bad. Several things were so wrong at this moment.

"You," he mumbled as he came nearer and kissed me.

_What?_

I didn't have time to think because Josh was crushing his lips against mine in such a forced fashion, I was afraid. He leaned in towards me, and now my back was to the wall, while he was in front of me, shoving his tongue down my throat. He violated my mouth, and for some odd reason, I welcomed it.

Our stupid masks were in the way; Josh thought the same and he ripped both of ours out. Body against body, mouths against mouths; how did I end up like this? And didn't he call me a whore as of yesterday?

I pushed him off of me, and I scooted farther away from him. "N-no. This is so, so wrong. And Ohmigod! Ivy! You idiot! She's your girlfriend! You can't just come here and think you can… do whatever!" I started to leave, but he blocked my way. "I hate you!"

Josh grabbed my arms and again threw me against the wall. "Do you really hate me? Huh?" He shook me, trying to get me to answer. His usually soft eyes were filled with lust and rage. "Tell me!"

I was so scared right now. I never saw him like this, except the one time he was arrested. His face was now buried on my shoulder, and his hands were on the side of my waist, going up and down, making me involuntarily moan. Shit!

"Y-yes, I do. You called me a whore and y-you've been treating me like crap, and you're treating your girlfriend like crap too," I said in the midst of Josh dropping sloppy kisses on my shoulder.

He stopped immediately and looked at me in the eye. They were soft and pleading. "Reed, no; you're not a whore. I said those things because… I hated how y-you were with him. I was jealous. I'm sorry," Josh finished. He leaned forward to capture me with a kiss, but I evaded him.

"No. Who do you think you are by," I gestured at us," doing this? By forcing me to be with you? You have Ivy. She's your girlfriend that _you_ chose. We're not the same, Josh. Let me go. Please," I pleaded. "I-I don't need you, but Ivy does."

Josh looked at me with a pinched expression, trying to control whatever he wanted to say. He took one fleeting look at me, and forcefully took my face in his hands. I whimpered in protest and I tried to put up a fight, but it was impossible. He had one hand on the nape of my neck, and his other was roaming around places he never roamed before.

Despite the ridiculous cold, I was suddenly becoming very hot and I struggled to breathe. I had to stop. Now.

"No…" I moaned. He was attacking my neck, making me shudder with unfulfilled need.

"Yes…" Josh looked up at me, making me melt."Just once, and then I'll let you go. Just feel," he whispered.

I hadn't realized it before, but I was a terribly weak person. I didn't say anything, too shocked at what was going on. He began to lightly drag me, no doubt wanting to go to the Art Cemetery. God, it was getting exceedingly warm. Too, too hot…

He hoisted me up against the wall; we were too far from anyone's ear-shot and out of sight. Out of impulse, I wrapped my legs around his waist and ground against him, making him groan. I gasped as his cold fingers began to slide up underneath my dress, forcing me to shiver, going up, up, up… This was insane; there could possibly be no going back now.

"Reed?"

We instantly turned our heads to the side and saw Upton, looking positively shell-shocked. His mouth was slightly hanging out, his mask long removed. His hands were in tight fists, and I saw him clench his jaw.

I immediately pushed Josh out of the way, and I slid down from the wall. I didn't know what to do. I was so ashamed of my actions. Last time I was caught with someone, I was drugged. But now, I wasn't and there was no going back. No forgiveness.

Upton scoffed and rubbed his jaw. "What are you doing with him?" he asked with great effort.

It took me a few tries to get something out of my mouth. "Upton, you have to understand! H-he just came around the corner and…"

"Oh please. Don't act like you didn't want it," I heard Josh say. I turned around, glaring at him. I so did not want him. I saw that he was fixing his shirt and bow tie; oh God, did I do that?

I focused my attention to Upton, feeling like a true whore. Instead, I saw that he had left and was coming towards Josh. With a loud _crack!_ Upton managed to make Josh yell in pain and fall to the floor. Josh was clutching his jaw, and Upton was seething in rage.

"Upton! Stop!"

Without another look, Upton walked pass me, ignoring my pleas to talk. He continued to walk in a hurried pace well into the quad. I was beginning to think this was how every night with Upton was going to end up- me chasing him in the quad.

"Upton, please wait! Can we just talk?" I begged. I glanced around and saw nobody and focused my attention to Upton.

He immediately stopped and gave a hard laugh. "_Talk?_ You want to talk? You must be joking," he mocked. Upton began to walk, and I followed him.

"Upton, please. I-I'm so sorry." My voice cracked. "I'm so lost. Please, just let me explain." I was literally on all fours now, begging him, hoping he had some kind of mercy.

Upton's usually warm eyes held menace and pure loathing. "You know, the whole time we were together, you were always worried about me and some other girl. And now? I think our roles have been reversed," he said.

He might as well have been calling me a whore, which I definitely was (not that I was proud of it). "I can't tell you how sorry I am-"

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am! You can't read my mind-"

"You're just feeling guilty. And you're ashamed that you got caught when you thought you could get away with it." He stopped, and his glare barely softened. "I have no business here anymore. You wanted to get rid of me, and now you have." He paused and looked at me, great agony written on his handsome face. "Good-bye, Reed." Upton turned his heel and resumed walking away, looking defeated.

But nowhere as near as how defeated I felt.

I was remotely aware of the whoops and hollers coming from the party. Ah, it was finally midnight. I was only aware of how crappy I felt, and how much trouble I caused. Sawyer was right; I was too eager to escape my hardships. And now, I was paying the price of it.

* * *

**thanks for reviewing guys! you're truly awesome :)**

**eh, didn't like it as much. this was kind of a big chapter to write. you do get a load of drama, so i hope that helps :) what do you guys think of my character analysis? do you guys think i'm right about how reed is too over eager to escape her problems? what about the whole chapter in general? like it or no? and sorry upton fans :(**

**note: one reviewer said that i had upton's eyes be blue and brown. i saw that yes, i did have a typo, but i think you can infer that i was talking about hair, not eyes. i hope that clarifies it for you. **

**sorry folks, no pictures of the dresses, as much as i would love too. their all mine, and i hope you guys can picture what i'm talking about :) also, i think i found the PERFECT upton. i saw him at macy's, and i fell in love. his name is oriol elcacho; he's a sexy spanish model. i think it's better if you type in "oriol elcacho bvlgari" that was the ad i saw him in, and you can see his gorgeous eyes, not to mention his bod. **

**reviews please! and don't forget to check out the playlist i have up**


	14. I Feel Like

I Feel Like…

My head drummed, the voices hummed around me, and I honestly wanted to smack the lady incessantly talking to me. I had no idea who the hell she was, but she obviously knew me. Which I simply did not know how.

I knew that I was being considerably rude, and it's not how a lady should act like. But did I care? Nope. Instead, I was thinking about last night's disastrous party. The worst part about it was that it was perfect; too perfect. And then I ruined it by my stupid mistakes. No, wait; not stupid mistakes, but stupid choices.

In addition, Josh had cornered me before the fundraiser brunch while I took a walk in the early wee hours of the morning, due to my bad dreams.

_"Josh, what are you doing here?" I scoffed. I was again sitting in a bench, where less than a month ago all I had to worry about was the fundraiser. _

_He stood where he was at. "I haven't been taking my pills."_

_"What?!" _

_He just shrugged. "I don't want too."_

_The idiot seriously was becoming more stupid by the second. "You have to," I said. Before you start shoving your tongue down my throat_, _I silently added_.

_"I don't like feeling . . . nothing. You know that, Reed, out of all people."_

_A deep breath. "Don't make me into something that. . ."_

_"But you are."_

_Josh was being annoyingly persistent. "Please take them. For your own sake. I don't want you to get hurt." I got up, intending for the conversation to be over. "And it'll make several things easier to handle." _

_He laughed. "Like my emotions?"_

_"Don't forget about mine, too."_

That was that. I had no idea what was going to happen between us, and I wasn't sure if I wanted too. The lines were becoming increasingly blurred, and I hated that I couldn't control at least one thing in my life.

"Mrs. Bradshaw? I'm so sorry, but I really need to attend some matters. Would it be OK if I . . .?" I gestured at the open area, implying to her that I needed to leave.

She was chewing on her olive that was inside her vodka (I thought we weren't even passing out hard liquor) and looked up at me, a little glassy in the eye. "Oh, no, it's not a problem! I'll just," hiccup, "go somewhere else!" Mrs. Bradshaw started to move until she stopped. I briefly wondered how she was going to be able to handle herself. She smiled at me. "Ma-maybe it's best if I stay here for a while." Hiccup.

Good thing she knew her limits. This lady was a true pro.

I apologized several more times as I finally got out of that lady's grasp. She nodded dumbly back at me, and I felt somewhat sad for her. Perhaps she was having marital problems, or her credit card maxed out. Either way, she needed to cut down on her drinking. And I definitely needed to get a few more.

Nice, lovely, old couples greeted me, and it took every ounce of effort not to tell them to leave me alone. Everyone could tell something was wrong with me today, and all the Billings girls left me alone. Noelle had implied that she was going to have a word with me later, but I didn't care. I didn't give two shits about anything.

I walked a little faster, grabbing a champagne glass to soothe my needs. I turned my heels to the left, walking into an empty hallway. I needed a breather. What the hell was going on? Why was I acting so . . . haggard? Why was everything my fault?

"No, Josh, things are not OK. They never will be." I immediately stopped, instantly cringing at the sound of 'Josh' and hearing Ivy's voice. Why did I always have to run into them?

They were inside a room. The door was slightly ajar, and thanks to the fact that no one was here, I could hear every word they said perfectly. I couldn't actually see them, but I saw shadows.

"I know. I'm confused. I-I need some . . . time. Please, Ivy, just listen-"

"No! _You_ need some time?!" She paused, and I had a feeling she was taking a deep breath. "God, I've been waiting and waiting, and I honestly don't know what to do! I have no idea why-" She stopped, and my heart pounded a little. I could hear footsteps approaching fast. Crap.

"Ivy, come back here," Josh began.

"I think this time I'm going to make you wait," Ivy simply stated. "You can talk to me when you're ready." Her footsteps were quickly approaching, and the only thing I could do was rush out of there. But where?

I saw another door adjacent to the room Ivy and Josh were at. With surprising speed, I jumped over there, my three and a half heels bruising my toes at that movement. When Ivy opened the door, I shut mine simultaneously. I breathed a sigh of relief, leaning my head on the door.

Crap. Ivy just broke up with Josh. All because of me. She was absolutely right about me causing problems just by being here. And not only that, did Josh tell her about our . . . encounter yesterday? Did she hate me even more?

Was I a living relationship-wrecker?

I didn't notice that someone else was in the room, and I definitely didn't notice it was Sawyer, who was absent mildly laying on the only couch there. His legs were sprawled out, his hands on the back of his head. He was dressed somewhat casually, his collared shirt barely showing what he had underneath. He had one eye opened, looking at me curiously.

"Reed?" Sawyer sat up from the couch, concern over his handsome face. I stood by the door, not really wanting to talk to him. But on the other hand, I didn't want to go back outside.

I shook my head and smiled. "Sorry, it was kind of loud. I'll just leave," I said while I started to turn around.

"No, I should be sorry. I know I've made things incredibly awkward now." I stopped, my hand resting on the doorknob. "Ju-just stay, please." My feet slowly turned around, along with my body. I deliberated for a split second, thinking that maybe talking to Sawyer would be a good idea. Plus, I really didn't want to go outside.

Sawyer was fully up now, allowing me some space to sit on the couch. Sawyer seemed a little guilty and distressed, and I saw some blue circles under his eyes. Instantly, my heart panged, and I wanted to make his under-eye bags go away.

I slowly sat down, my butt perched and my back really straight. My thoughts went to how crappy I felt and the whole weird talk with Sawyer. As much as I didn't want to be here, I felt . . . I felt like I couldn't hold it back. The whole honesty thing with Sawyer was really getting to me, and it made me want to come back for more.

In stages, I slowly relaxed, the silence welcoming me in their arms. Sawyer and I didn't say anything for a while. I wasn't sure if I was even ready to go first.

"I'm sorry. I've screwed everything up. I don't think," Sawyer started. I finally looked at him, and his face was in his hands. His voice was slightly muffled and pinched. I didn't know why he was apologizing, but he continued regardless.

"You're not her. And I guess I'm feeling too . . . overprotective of you. You're a big girl," he laughed. Sawyer's face instantly became solemn and pure melancholy. He looked up at me, anguish apparent in his eyes. "Sh-she kept dropping hints, you know? About how she didn't want to live. And I could've done something about it. And now she's dead, all because of me."

My breathing stopped. He was finally doing a confession on his part, and my heart was sinking way to fast. I could feel some tears coming up. The stuff that had happened to me didn't even compare to what Sawyer was going through right now.

"Oh Sawyer, I-"

"And I had some control over it. God, I'm an idiot. I guess why I'm feeling the way I am bec- well, I . . ." His eyes locked into mine. "You know what? Forget about it." He took one long drink from the champagne bottle I failed to notice.

A pregnant silence followed afterward. Sawyer relaxed in his seat and I did the same, thinking about everything. He didn't need to finish his sentence because I knew. Sawyer was only doing the things he did because he cared about me and he didn't want me to get hurt. He was keeping me in line. And I was forever grateful.

"Today is her birthday, anyway."

I turned my head to side, and his jaw was clenched in an effort to stop the emotions from falling down. Sawyer's eyes were glassy, and almost suddenly, a perfect little crystal dropped, rolling down his cheek. He exhaled, facing away from me, a few more precious diamonds falling down.

Out of impulse, I scooted closer to Sawyer, wiping the tears away from his smooth cheeks. I tucked my head under his chin, deep within his chest, and wrapped my arm around his brood chest. I could hear him sigh, and I did the same, feeling utterly messed up.

After a few minutes, or several hours, I reached over and got the champagne bottle from Sawyer's grasp. He looked at me a little peculiar, but I ignored him, taking several gulps. I smacked my lips and said:

"To Jen," I started off. I raised the bottle up to the air, toasting her in heaven or wherever she was. "We hope you're doing mighty well, while we're stuck here. So yeah, happy birthday Jen." I took another sip, the alcohol finally getting to me. My brain decided to make more toasts, so I proceeded ahead.

"What else . . . To Josh and Ivy. I hope they last a long time, even though I'm the one who's screwing everything up. To Upton: I hope he gets to bang a lot of girls and not think about me." I hiccupped and burped. "To every . . . fucking person who tried to kill me, and are still somehow not making me able to go to sleep." I felt Sawyer's arm tighten around me, and a rush of emotions started to come forward.

"Why is everything so fucked up, you know? Like why does everything come back to me? I thought I was doing everyone a favor by doing nothing. And then-" I paused, taking a deep breath. "I have no idea how this all started." My voice cracked and I began to cry, feeling the weight of all the drama finally getting to me.

He hugged me tighter, and I continued to sob. His thin, tender fingers erased my tears, and I held onto him like there was no tomorrow.

And for a second, I thought there wasn't even a tomorrow. Not when I was sitting in Sawyer's arm like that. Not when I felt so secure.

So safe.

* * *

**thanks for reviewing folks!**

**i'm so sorry for not updating in forever. school started and all this stuff was going on, not to mention having a major writers block. and ****yes, i know this is very crappy. beyond crappy. and i'm sure i have all these grammer mistakes, but i need to study (as you can see how well i'm studying), so whatever. that's why i havent written anything in such a long time and why this chapter sucks. anywho, i always value your opinions... (hint, hint)**

**review please! and thanks again for those who have **


	15. Assumptions

Assumptions 

"Ohmigod, did they like, have sex or something during the fundraiser?"

"No, you idiot- their clothes are still on. I mean, it's not like all rumply or something."

"Aw guys, it's so cute! Reed and Sawyer are perfect for each other!"

"Why does Reed always get the hot guys?!"

The voices coming from the front of the room were becoming increasingly louder, and I wanted whoever they were to shut up. I was impossibly warm and comfortable, and I was not moving.

"Move over you idiots! Why aren't you guys-" the voice stopped and the room was deathly quiet.

"Holy fuck! Is that Reed and Sawyer? Damn, he finally got her!"

OK, now I was up.

My eyes instantly tore open at Gage's loud voice and I was greeted with the sight of all the Billings girls around me, including Gage. Their mouths were hanging out. Why, though?

Goodness gracious. I was in the arms of Sawyer Hathaway. I was lying comfortably on his chest, happy, warm, and content while everyone else thought that we had a little party in here. My head was hurting like crazy and my throat was beyond parched.

Sawyer's arm was around my body, all snug and tight. He was breathing deeply and calmly, and I didn't want to wake him up. He looked beyond peaceful, his brood chest falling up and down in a perfect rhythm. I silently cursed all the people in front of the room, disrupting our down time.

My body snapped up, and Sawyer's arm was thrown away from me. Our legs were all tangled up, and it was getting impossible to get out of Sawyer's grasp. The whole room was quiet, and a blush worked its way up to my face, and eventually covering my body. At my sudden movement, Sawyer's eyes fluttered open, looking up at me with earnest admiration. This time, the blush wasn't from shame.

I didn't say anything, aside from the fact my hands were resting on his chest, holding me up, while our legs were wrapped in unison. Our faces were mere inches apart, and my eyes flickered over to his lips more than once. My heart beat faster, thinking about whatever transpired between us: the honesty, the comfort, and the closeness. . .

"Reed, is everything all. . ." He paused, noticing my expression. His eyes locked into mine, and understanding soon dawned on him. He released me, managing to sit up straight, while I shamefully sat up.

I finally looked up at the crowd in front of me. Gage was holding back his laughter, and the rest of the girls were apprehensive, save Amberly and Noelle. Amberly's face pretty much told me she thought I was a slut and Noelle . . . Well, she seemed kind of smug. Really smug.

"All right, well, I think we can all conclude Sawyer is not a virgin anymore (which is awesome, man) and uh, well-"

"Out!" Noelle's voice rang out. She effectively cut out Gage from his dirty talking, and everyone else jumped at her sharp voice. She turned around and faced the whole group. "Are you dumb? Get out!"

There was a shuffle of feet coming from the door, but I kept my head cast low. Why was it such a big deal? Sawyer and I had a deep conversation (something no one needed to know), but people were just plain dirty and stupid.

"Guys, wait. Nothing happened. Jesus, get your mind out of the gutter." I looked up at everyone; their eyes told me I was lying. I stood up and rolled my eyes, swaying a bit due to the massive headache I had. "There's nothing else to say."

They just shrugged and walked out of the room, including Gage making some very naughty hand gestures. I yawned and stretched, fully realizing this was the best sleep I had in a month. Maybe drinking a bit before bed was the trick.

The door shut with a _click_, and Noelle finally faced us. Her Herve Ledger cocktail dress hugged every curve, but barely concealing the fact that she looked down right curious. She was tapping her red pumps impatiently, waiting for me to spill the beans.

"What are you doing here, Noelle?" I heard Sawyer ask from behind. He seemed very embarrassed, and he nervously ran his hand through his hair. Which was decidedly tousled.

She smiled, hardly containing her smirk. "Well, I _was_ looking for Reed and then," Noelle waved her hand at the both of us, "we saw you two together. Rest is history."

I groaned and wanted to shake her until all the dirty thoughts were gone from her head. "Noelle, God, can you not think the inevitable?" Wanting to change the subject, I asked, "What time is it?"

"It is 6:02, and please don't try to change the subject. Now, what were you guys _really_ doing here?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Talking. You guys are beyond immature," Sawyer said. He scoffed and went to pick up his khaki jacket, fumbling a bit as he did so.

Noelle jeered at Sawyer. "Yeah, I highly doubt that's what you really wanted, Virgin Boy."

My face instantly reddened. Sawyer's looming figure was behind me, and I suddenly felt hot. I didn't like how Noelle was taunting Sawyer. It was rude. I picked up my clutch that I had thrown in the corner and said, "Noelle, stop."

She smirked in return and said, "Come on, Glass Licker." Noelle began to walk confidently out of the room, until I heard Sawyer say:

"I'm not as prude as you think I am. Let's leave it to that." We both turned around and faced Sawyer, since I was in front of Sawyer the whole time. His face betrayed nothing, and he was telling the truth. In fact, he seemed proud of it. I was shocked. And so was Noelle.

"Well then, I guess. . ." She paused and rolled her eyes. "Come on, Reed! Let's go." With that she left, obviously confused at this new revelation and upset she didn't know.

When she left, I smiled at Sawyer. "So. . ."

"So, I'm not who everyone thinks I am. You don't mind, do you?"

A happy feeling rose in my chest, and I giggled. "No, not at all."

***

Monday. After a weekend of drama, I was glad of school. I was glad we had a day called Monday. Despite feeling jubilant and happy, I knew I messed everything up. Ivy had broken up with Josh (thanks to me), and I pretty much cheated on Upton. Everything was ruined.

Not only that, Sawyer and I had gotten really close. Like, super close. I wasn't sure what to think of our relationship. Did Sawyer really have a crush on me? It seemed like it, considering how much he disliked Upton, and the fact that he was warming up to me. But did I like him? _Should_ I even consider him? Would it be possible?

"Miss Brennen? Have you gotten deaf over the weekend?" I heard Mr. Barber's voice call. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up, embarrassed.

"I-I'm sorry, I wasn't paying . . ." I blushed, and looked back down.

"Miss Brennen, I didn't ask you to put your head down; I asked you whether or not you knew the underlying cause of WWI? But clearly . . ."

'The underlying cause of WWI?' What? What was I supposed to say? 'Well, Mr. Barber, I believe the underlying cause of WWI was your fat ass annoying the hell out of those fine Germen men. Would that be correct?'

I flushed some more, and I saw Constance give me a sympathetic look. "I . . . don't know, sir."

Mr. Barber gave a fake sigh and asked someone else the same question, making me feel really stupid. I all but banged my head on the table, so far not liking my Monday at all. This was going to last forever.

After I was done hearing Mr. Barber drone on for the last hour of the day, I ran out the class building, needing some coffee to stir my body up. As much as I didn't want to, I silently thanked God for Amberly's dad coming up with Coffee Carma in Easton's campus.

I threw the door open, finding it already full with other students. I looked around, trying to find an empty spot, when I saw a curtain of jet black hair, hunching over some school books.

_Ivy. _

All right. I was going to talk to her. If she called me a whore, so be it. If she made a scene, I didn't really care. If she slapped me square in the face, I wouldn't mind at all. I just needed to tell her the truth. And I needed some answers.

I slowly walked forward, careful with my steps. A lump formed in my throat, and I fought hard not to let that get the best of me. I finally approached her, suddenly very nervous.

"Ivy? Can I talk to you; please?" I begged. Goodness, I've resorted to begging.

She turned halfway, and I was glad there wasn't any menace or anger in her eyes. Ivy looked at me for a full minute, deliberating. I could the see the gears running in her head, and, for the second time that day, I prayed to God, asking him if he could send Ivy some sense into talking.

"Yeah, whatever." _I love you, God. I fucking love you_.

I timidly sat down across from her while she resumed looking back at her books. I sat there, legs crossed, my heart beating frantically, not sure what I should say.

"So . . . What's up?" I squeaked out.

She glared at me for another minute, and I almost died from her penetrating stare. She gave a hard laugh. "You're asking me what's up. OK. Yeah. Like I'm going to answer," she started off. Ivy dropped her pencil and looked up at me, her eyes blazing. "But you know what? I think I'll let you know.

"Let's see: I feel like crap, Josh and I are a little messed up for now, and none of this feels right. And you know what else doesn't feel right? You. You're like some secret agent full of some scary shit, and you wreak everything in your path. It's like you have a machine gun stuck on your hand," Ivy finished.

Now I was officially pissed. She had no right to say any of that. She was just upset, and I needed to make sure. But, for now, I needed to get her attention fast.

"So, you're here, calling me some secret agent, but _you're_ the one who really is." Ivy looked up, curiosity filling her clear blue eyes. "You're telling me you have nothing up your sleeve? You're telling me that whatever you and Josh are hiding from me is nothing?"

That did it. I could see Ivy tense up, and a flicker of fear washed over her face. Her face immediately went to calm and passive, but I already saw. _Too late_, I thought.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she huffed. Ivy resumed looking at her books, but her pencil was moving back in forth in her hand, not being used on paper. It was a clear sign of agitation. Anxiety.

A small sigh came from my lips. "Yeah, you do. Don't lie. It doesn't suit you," I added.

A wicked smile crept up on her mouth. "And what about you, Reed- do you have anything to tell me? Is there a lie somewhere hidden in your brain?"

Now it was my turn to freeze. Did she know about the incident between Josh and I? Was that why she broke up with him? Oh God, how much did she know?

Just then, a low vibration was heard. It came from my cell phone, indicating I had a text. I fished my phone from my pocket, somehow keeping a straight face and staring right at Ivy. I momentarily looked away from her, and saw that the text was from Josh.

I swallowed, and I felt the bile rising. Why was he texting me? Did he want me to come over for a 'booty call?' In addition, did he not learn anything this past weekend? I was feeling increasingly frustrated. But on the other hand, I knew Josh and I had to talk. Have a major, down to earth talk. No interruptions, no . . . nothing. Just us. So, was it OK if I opened it?

My fingers slid over my iPhone, pressing on "Accept." My pulse soared, seeing that Ivy was right in front of me, and a text from Josh was right in front of me. I looked down at the screen. A simple message was laid out:

**11:30. Cemetery. **

My lips pursed, and I debated. Should I go? Was it a good idea? And what about Ivy?

I raised my head up, and peered into her. Boys, boys, boys- I could live without that for now. I could live without drama for at least a coupld of weeks. "No, there's nothing," I said while I pressed delete.

Another three minutes of silence went by, but I didn't care. For some odd reason, I felt liberated. If I didn't want to meet Josh, alright then; I wasn't going to meet him. I could at least control that. And I could at least have a friend, other than Josh. A true friend.

Finally, Ivy asked, "Cheese cracker?"

I smiled a true honest smile. I took a couple from the bag, and threw them in my mouth. One landed back in my hand, and it juggled a bit before it fell down on the floor. I frowned, upset I lost one of my crackers. As I looked back up from under the table, I saw that Ivy was slightly smiling. She handed me a couple more crackers. I took them gratefully, not because I was hungry, but because it was a gesture of kindness. Of forgiveness.

I decided I rather liked cheese crackers.

* * *

**thanks for reviewing folks!**

**yes, i know, another filler. i'm trying guys, i really am. i have a load of stuff planned out, and i know i won't be able to finish before the actual book comes out. so, bear with me! also, updates are coming rather slow because i have a crap load of school work. sorry. **

**reviews please! and don't forget to check out the playlist i have for the brunch, if you're into old french music and classical music :)**


	16. One More to Pile

One More to Pile

_"Reed, it's been such a long time! I've missed you dreadfully," she said. Her soft blonde hair moved with the wind, showing a terrible beauty. Her steel blue eyes peered into the poor girl, shaking from fear._

_"Arianna . . . You're supposed to be dead."_

_She laughed, and gave Reed a sensual wink. "Oh no. Not when I still have something to finish."_

_Reed shook her head in defiance, hoping for this . . . What was it, exactly? A dream? Reality? _

_Arianna stepped forward in two long strides, having Reed coward against the wall. Tears streamed down her pitiful face, and her captive laughed, making music in hell._

_"You won't believe how happy I am," said Arianna, her voice a quiet whisper as she came forth, taunting Reed._

_She didn't fight, though. And so Arianna had won, once and for all._

"AHH! Stop it, please!" I got up, making the bed creak and hitting my arm on the wall. My breathing was coming out very fast, and I was bathed in sweat. Cold air came over me, forcing me to shiver, and bringing more tears to my face.

"Reed?" I heard someone ask groggily. My eyes were closed, not sure what to think, and praying to God that wasn't real. After a short while, my breathing subdued. That was when I felt something tug on my arm.

I screamed at the sudden contact of cold fingers, and moved myself back, hitting my head on the wall. I groaned at the impact of the solid wall banging on my head. Pushing the covers aside, I scrambled to get out of bed, wondering who the hell was sleeping next to me.

"Reed! Reed! Calm down, it's just me!" the voice said. It was immensely dark in my room, and the only source of light came from my digital clock on the bed. It read 4:45 a.m.

There was a shuffling of bed sheets and a loud creak from the bed. I stood frozen, not sure what I should do. Should I go to the cafeteria and get a knife? Did I have any scissors at my disposal?

"Reed, it's me: Noelle. God, you scared the crap out of me."

Oh God, it was Noelle. Thank God.

She sighed, and I immediately felt the stupidity of my actions. I should have just sat there, waiting for everything to calm down, and fell back asleep. My feet were planted in the middle of the room, and I didn't feel like going back. I felt ashamed.

Noelle had spent the night due to a serious and rather annoying fight between her and Ivy. One of the deans had to come in, threatening them with some severe consequences. So I had convinced Noelle to spend the night with me, just so everything could blow over. But I had obviously forgotten about that this morning.

"Oh," was all I said after a very long pause. Nervousness crept over me, and I wondered what Noelle was going to say. My dreams were becoming more intense by the second.

I could see a faint outline of Noelle. She was sitting on the bed her head cast low as she tried to shake off the drowsiness. "Reed, talk to me."

I gulped. I didn't want to. I didn't want to explain how much it was affecting me, and I didn't want to explain how real they felt.

Suddenly feeling the urge to run, I blindly went over and picked up my sweatshirt, since I remembered where it was. I slipped it on with shaking fingers, and the whole time, Noelle was death still.

"I-I'm going to out for a bit." I heard a faint protest coming from her mouth, but I left before she could say anything. The dark hallway welcomed me, leading my blurred mind to the bathroom to clear my head. One, two, three times I splashed water in my face, add another ten. The sweat that was present a mere five minutes before was clinging to my body.

Slowly, I lifted my head up and saw an ugly picture of me. It was grotesque. It was pitiful. My hair was all over my face, some pieces still stuck on my face. I had blue bruises underneath my eyes, and my face looked gaunt. There was nothing there. Nothing.

I shook my head, needing an outlet for my anger and sadness. The blue orbs which once held a happy twinkle was gone, and a few more tears fell down. What was I? What did I become? _Who_ did I become?

Quietly opening the door, I tip-toed my way down the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone up. I needed a complete breather. As I walked, my thoughts went to the dreams I was having. Was there some purpose? And why were they haunting me when everything was . . . alright? Just when I felt better, something had to everything upside down.

I continued to walk, dragging my limp legs to the soccer field. Once I got there, I went to the supply shed, where all the soccer balls were kept. It was ridiculously easy to open. I took a large bag out, filled with my favorite spotted black and white globes, and walked over to the field. One by one, I laid out the balls in different positions all around the goal post.

_Smack!_ My toes were slightly hurting after the contact. But that only spurred me on. I went around my carefully laid out bullets, hitting the target. Images of Josh, Ivy, my stalkers, even freaking Amberly flashed in my mind. Anger rolled forward like a tsunami; I felt kind of bad for the soccer balls and the goal. The cold air barely registered to me. It just made everything go faster.

Now that I was somewhat done, I stopped, taking in some very deep breaths. I suddenly felt very weak and stupid. Everything that had happened for the past month; no, the past two damn years came crashing down. I was utterly exhausted. Nothing helped. Everything was just getting worse.

I plopped my butt on the ground and hugged my knees. Everything that had happened before Easton was nothing but a blurry old film. These past two years had dictated my life so bad, so much, I didn't know what else I should live for. What I should even do.

_Bang!_

My head snapped up at the abrupt noise. My heart started to flutter in anticipation and fear. Crap, crap, crap; I should've stayed inside.

I got up as fast as I could, looking for the source of the noise. In an instant, I heard another loud noise, and my brow furrowed. Over at the basketball court, I saw a blonde boy shooting some hoops, and the two loud bangs were due to the fact that he was dunking. They were pretty nice dunks. Thanks to Scott and his crazy obsession over the Celtics, I knew how much effort the dunks took.

Step by step, I walked over to the basketball courts. As I approached, I saw that the person was Sawyer, madly crossing the ball in between his legs, and going for a layup. It took a while for me to register that Sawyer was _actually_ playing a sport, and for few minutes I watched him.

He finally noticed me. His swift stare took me by surprise. I flinched, finally breaking from my daze. "Hey, Reed." Sweat dripped all over him, his shirt stained with water. And I couldn't help but notice how _tight_ the shirt was.

I couldn't help but smile. "Hey," I said back. An awkward silence passed by. I knew what we both wanted to ask: Why were we here?

"Couldn't sleep?" Sawyer finally asked. He came over, the ball resting on his hips.

A nervous chuckle came from my lips. "Yeah . . . You?"

He smiled. "Well, I am here, at 5:30 in the morning."

I cleared my throat and said, "You're really good. I didn't know what that loud noise was, and when I looked over, I was like 'Whoa, Sawyer's awesome!'" I paused, realizing I was rambling. "I'm sure you thought I was weird or something, watching you . . ."

Sawyer laughed. Really laughed. It wasn't a sarcastic laugh, or a taunting laugh; it was short. But it was so genuine. It was so real and heartfelt. I glanced at him, curious to see the emotions on his face. "No, I don't mind. It was rather flattering."

A small giggle escaped my lips. Perhaps it was flattering.

Another silence swept us, but it was comfortable. We both watched the sun rise, its large presence looming over our messed up souls. Faint pink lines circled the sky, and it was breath taking.

"Do you want to play?"

I smirked. I wasn't the best basketball player, but I was fairly good. "You're on." I stole the ball from him, and went straight up for the basket, gaining a point for me. The ball danced inside the basket and fell down. I caught it and said, "I think I was wrong saying you were good." I dribbled the ball, a smirk playing on my lips. "Well?"

Sawyer just shook his head and drove for the ball, stealing it from me. I chased after him as much as I could, but with no avail. I did manage to get a couple of baskets, only because Sawyer allowed me to go to the free throw line. Our bodies would collide when I would guard Sawyer, and vice versa. The jolt of electricity I felt when his arm brushed against mine didn't go unnoticed. I did get startled for the first few times (which caused me to lose the ball), but I soon welcomed it, fueling my need to at least get a two-pointer.

Finally, I was able to steal the ball from him. I raced down the court, laughing as I did so."Oh, and look at her! Look at that speed! Sawyer Hathaway can't keep up with the Great Reed!" I taunted.

"Hey! Since when did you start to steal the ball from me?" I heard Sawyer say from behind. I smirked again as I went up for a layup. My left foot stood planted on the floor while my right hung in the air, along with my right arm. Just when I thought the ball was going in, a hand came out of nowhere, knocking the ball from midair. My mind barely registered that the ball was gone from my grasp, and my mind certainly did not register that Sawyer was falling down on me.

His chest smashed into mine, and we both yelped as we went along with the laws of gravity. Out of impulse, Sawyer's arms wrapped around my body, protecting me, while his head rested on my shoulder. My body exploded in electric sparks and a new wave of heat swept over me. In that split second, we fell down. My elbows skidded on the concrete along with my back, but at least my head was OK.

"Ow! Crap, that hurts!" I groaned out. I shut my eyes, relishing the pain. I hoped I wasn't bleeding.

"Are you alright?" Sawyer's voice asked quietly.

The pain was momentarily gone as I opened my eyes up. Sawyer's beautiful grey eyes mixed with brown were looking at me, a mere inch and a half away from me. His arms were still around me, our legs tangled. Sawyer's golden locks danced around his face, a couple brushing over my forehead. My heart instantly beat faster, frozen at that moment. Sawyer kept on looking at me while I stared back, confused at what I wanted. What did I want? Why was I even wondering about what I wanted?

But I was wondering about one thing: When was he going to kiss me? My eyes flew to his pink, soft lips and at that moment, I knew that whatever was going to happen, it would be OK.

To say that Sawyer jumped off of me was understatement. To say that Sawyer pretty much freaked out was probably an understatement too. Sawyer curious and awe-filled face was replaced with a guilty and embarrassed expression in less than a second. He immediately released his arms from me and got up. The cold January air passed over me, and I internally groaned, missing the contact.

What a bummer.

"Uh . . . Um, s-schools about to start. I think we should, you know, head back," he said, his voice showing me no trace of him even actually believing it. Sawyer was propped up on his palms which were laid on either side of my hips. He then got up fully, dusting the tiny rocks off of him. A couple landed on my chest. I was mad. Really mad.

Why did he freak out? What was so wrong? Sawyer told Noelle and I that he wasn't a prude little boy we thought him to be. So why was he acting like a fourteen year old virgin? Not only that, why had I wanted it so bad?

Frustrated at my emotions and Sawyer's, I got up but I was still sitting down. I was really tired from the extreme workout, and I didn't want to face Sawyer yet. I glanced up and began to get up, until I realized the sharp pain from my left elbow.

"Ow," I muttered. I fell back down on the ground, inspecting the damage. There was a lot of blood coming out and my whole elbow was ruined.

"Here, let me look at that," I heard Sawyer say softly.

I instantly became defensive. Why was Sawyer offering to touch me, but not before? Was I some kind of disease?

"No," I threw out. It was rather harsh. "I'll be alright," I finished, sarcasm and hurt apparent in my voice. I refused to look at Virgin Boy. I refused to look Loser Bookworm Boy.

"OK." Sawyer's lean shadow moved to the right and left, leaving me utterly pissed off. Well, at least I wasn't going to feel all sad today. I was downright mad. Being mad was better than being sad.

***

After the rather exhausting workout, I came back to Pemberly and took a shower, getting rid of all the sweat and the blood. As I walked back to my room, I totally forgot that Noelle was sleeping in there, and I would probably have to answer.

I opened my door after a rather long pep talk, trying to calm my nerves. I hoped that Noelle wasn't going to beat the shit out of me and tell me to be a big girl. And I really hoped that she wasn't going to be nice- yes, nice- and send me to a shrink.

OK, now that was weird.

But I did open the door, and I saw Vienna handing Noelle a bag. What. The. Fuck?

"This is like, the only supply I have left," Vienna started.

"Shut up you crack head; I don't need the whole bag." Noelle took one bottle out and handed the bag back to Vienna. "There, now you can get all high tonight."

Vienna snorted. "You mean every night."

I was shocked. Noelle was taking drugs? Noelle was getting drugs from Vienna? I had thought of Noelle to be a clean girl, although there were times she did drink a lot. But this?

I was aware that Vienna and Noelle were frozen in the middle of the room, looking at me. Vienna and Noelle had a nonchalant look on their face, and I wanted to smack them square and hard. This was honestly fucked up.

"W-what is going on?" I managed to muster.

Noelle and Vienna smirked. "Reed, it's called getting a few extra hours of sleep," Vienna replied. "And," she said while she dug through the bag, "getting an awesome fuck, oh! Feeling extremely happy . . ."

I was beyond shocked. I knew Vienna did those kinds of things but still, I had always envisioned the Billings girls to be perfect.

But . . . that's been proven wrong countless of times.

"Hey, I need some time with Reed. Can you leave now, Vienna?" asked Noelle. Vienna just shrugged and walked past me, smiling to me as she did so. She laughed when she saw the confused expression on my face.

After Vienna left, I asked, "What the hell are you doing with those? Why are you-"

The bottle was thrown right in the middle of my chest and I caught it, wondering why Noelle was handing me the bottle. I gingerly raised it up to eye level, seeing that it was a sleeping pill. Then it hit me: Noelle was being nice. She was trying to help me. She was trying to help me sleep and get rid of my nightmares.

"Just take them. One a day, remember. I can always get you more," she added. Noelle wasn't looking at me, but she was intently focused on fixing her hair. After she was done inspecting her work of art, she grabbed her bag and walked forward. She looked at me straight in the eye, and her mouth formed into a weird looking . . . smile. A sympathetic smile.

My words stumbled out a thank you. "Noelle, I-"

She just cleared her throat and raised her chin up. "Come on, Glass Licker." Noelle left without another word, leaving me with a pile of emotions. Although I had been given drugs, the gesture was so nice, so earnest, I could not have been any happier to have a friend like Noelle.

As fucked up everything was, I knew I could count on at least one thing: my friends.

* * *

**thanks for reviewing guys!**

**yeah, i know, another crappy filler. i'm sorry if the pace if going slow. i'm getting there, but i gotta build up friendships and ah, sexual tension. yep, that's why i have reed all mad and sawyer being a wimp in this chapter. all you josh fans, more will be coming soon! so don't give up yet. **

**any of you a fan of harry potter? check out the new fanfic i have out, called "Nothing to Give." **

**reviews please! you'll recieve some really nice curry from my mom sent through the internet (on second thought, i don't think i'll do that. i want some for myself. you guys can just go on google images). :)**


	17. A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed

It was Wednesday evening, and Constance was in my room, doing homework with me. I couldn't believe how fast this week went by. Upton had gone and left, Ivy and I had some issues and worked it out, while Josh and I were a little messed up. As for Sawyer, a lot of things had gotten harder to distinguish: like what we were and what actual friends were. We had obviously bonded, and I wasn't sure if I wanted that. I wasn't even sure if Sawyer wanted that- _us_.

"Reed, I lost my theorem sheet; do you know the uh," she looked out the window as if she was trying to recall something and said, "T-the theorem we were learning today! What is it?" she asked desperately. I chuckled, seeing how distressed she was.

"Calm down, Constance; it's the binomial theorem." I supplied.

Her eyes opened wider. "Oh yeah! That's what it is! Wait, how does it go?"

I sighed since I didn't even know what it was, and it was rather long. Besides, it was in the book. "Constance, look in your book," I replied calmly. "I don't even know how it goes." Stupid smart people just had to come up with math and torture us, didn't they?

"I don't even know what chapter we're in! Oh God, I'm so going to fail . . ." Constance started. I just shook my head, waiting for her to rant for a few minutes.

Noelle had told all the Billings girls that there was another meeting. I had totally forgotten about the fundraiser, only worried about all the drama I was sucked in. The sleeping pills Noelle gave me yesterday ensured that I was going to have the best sleep ever, which I did. All I remembered was that I popped the white little pill in my mouth at eleven, and I woke up 6:45 in the morning, not being able to recall anything. It was the best experience ever.

After a couple of minutes, I looked at the time and saw that we had to leave. Noelle was meeting us at Coffee Carma. Coffee Carma was our meeting place, since we could dine there and have nobody in Pemberly listen in into our secret talks.

"Constance, we got to go. I guess we can come back after the meeting and finish up," I said, knocking Constance out of her math daze. She nodded back at me dumbly as she went to get her purse.

Constance and I began to walk to Coffee Carma as we chatted. Nobody was really out, probably doing their homework. As we walked, my eyes wandered over to Ketlar. I heard various shouting, but I had a hunch it was over Halo or Guitar Hero. Boys.

By the time we got there, everyone was scattered about. The tiny round tables were bunched up together as everyone huddled around each other. I found an empty seat next to Rose and Tiffany, saying a quick hello. To be honest, I was dreadfully tired despite my solution to my nightmares. I guess it was another side-effect to sleeping pills.

Seeing that we were all together, Noelle got up. She smoothed her favorite Michael Kors jeans, complete with a J. Mendel mustard blouse. All eyes fell on her as we eagerly waited for the verdict. "Alright, I can't say that I'm not pleased you here; after all, you do the dirty work for me," Noelle added. It was meant as a joke, but I could've sworn I saw everyone give each other looks, saying 'Yeah, she's dead on about that.'

Noelle cleared her throat. "We already have two more sub-parties planned, but I think we need a couple more, or three to say the least. Also, there's only going to be one fundraiser for the politicians; it was too much work and they're all busy. And don't forget, some of the proceeds are going to cancer research," said Noelle.

"Wait, why is it going to cancer research? I thought the money was only for us," Amberly whined.

Noelle grimaced. "Too bad Amberly, we're giving that money. Look, politicians don't just come to a party as big as ours. They want their name in the papers for a good cause. The more they give, the more we get. Minus the twenty-percent we're giving away," Noelle explained.

"When is this?" Lorna asked. She, of course, was sitting next to Missy. I noticed that her hair was straightened, and it took every ounce of me not to drop my mouth in astonishment.

"Tiff?"

Tiffany, who was sitting next to Rose, took out a piece of paper. "February 20th, at the Ritz. It's from 2 to 7, on a Saturday." We all nodded in response.

Noelle flipped a few more pages in the vanilla folder she had out. "Now, we need to decide what we're going to do for the actual fundraiser. I think a couple of you mentioned a gambling night," she muttered.

"It was Reed," Constance piped up, beaming at me. I gave a shy smile back and looked at Noelle. She straightened her neck, as if she was trying to control some . . . anger. I saw her jaw tense, and I felt kind of scared of her.

"Yeah, OK, not that it matters," she said rudely. My eyes popped out, and all the girls looked at me. I glanced at Noelle and she seemed oblivious to the fact she threw my idea out the window. I wondered if she was having an extremely bad day or she was feeling some resentment towards me.

I couldn't think of a reason why.

"Alright," London cut through, breaking the silence. "Uh, I need to share some info, actually. There are at least 200 to 300 extra people on the list. I know some of them go to the other boarding schools around here, and it seems like word spread around that there are some kick-ass parties coming from Easton," she revealed. "I also got a text from a friend, and he said that he wanted to come too. He goes to the school up in Maine, you know- I forgot what it's called," said London. Huh; maybe he wasn't a friend, just a simple acquaintance. Or perhaps he came over to spend the night with her one time.

"That's great!" Rose exclaimed. "Think about the money we can get-"

"Raise the price. 80- No, 90 for the smaller parties, and 110 for the actual weekend fundraiser. That should give us a few more dollars," Noelle ordered. Astrid began to type on the computer she had out.

"Wait- one more thing. We sold the 80,000 thousand from the Billings website. We need more stuff," Astrid added as she was furiously typing on the computer. My eyes went a little wide, wondering how much money we had gotten do far. By the sound of it, a lot.

"Damn," Portia muttered under her breath.

"OK, we need ideas for the weekend party. We need to get everything all together so there won't be any problems later on," Noelle said. I had noticed that the whole time, Noelle barely looked at me. What was wrong?

We all paused and thought about ideas, but my mind was reeling over Noelle's strange behavior. Was she mad at me? What did I honestly do? My mind began to think of different scenarios, such as she found out what happened between Josh and I, and . . . And what else? What did she have on me?

"I think we should have a gambling night on Friday, likeReedsaid," Astrid said. She hurried the last bit of her sentence as if she was trying not to displease Noelle. Astrid was looking back at Noelle nervously.

OK, now I was pissed. What the hell was going on? First, I knew Noelle was intimidating, but I didn't think Astrid would feel shy and nervous about saying an idea was mine, which it was. Second, why was Noelle acting so strange? True, they were small, slight occurrences but they were important ones. I thought back to the day when Noelle brought the Alumni to Easton. _I_ was the one who suggested the fundraiser, and I vaguely remembered that I thought Noelle was slightly . . . jealous.

Ohmigod, _Noelle Lange was actually jealous of me_.

Of what, though?

"Yeah, I kinda like the gambling night," Missy grumbled out. I raised an eyebrow at her, and she just rolled her eyes.

"I'll have to agree," said Vienna. She was texting on her phone, occasionally giggling and not even paying attention.

Noelle sighed and sat back down. She rubbed her temple, and took a long drink of water. I idly noticed that it was a bottle of _Voss_, and that she at least spent five dollars on a bottle. All of my earlier, somewhat thoughts dissipated, seeing how distressed she looked.

"Sure, we can do that. Uh, Tiffany, Missy, and Amberly: you guys are going to find decorations. I mean, gambling tables, the poker chips," said Noelle. She rubbed her forehead. "And don't forget about actually decorating the hall," she added.

"What about the second day?" Amberly asked.

"Maybe we should do a strip tease show! I don't mean it in that way, but there's a starting price on each of us, and- OK, it's pretty much an auction; a girl auction. The starting price is, I don't know, a thousand, and the more the guys demand and the less the clothes we're wearing, the more the guys auction." London took a sip from her bottle. "And, of course, you get to spend the night with that guy," she said while winking at everyone.

We all erupted into a murmur, liking the idea. I, however, was apprehensive, but it did seem kind of fun. Perhaps I didn't need to do the actual thing.

"Hold on- we just can't have the little burlesque show and that's it. We need more," said Rose.

"How about we get Kiran to get a designer, or a couple of designers to show their work, have a runway show, and people can buy it there," suggested Tiffany. "And we definitely need couture."

"Nice, Tiff," I complimented while I gave her a high-five. She grinned back at me.

"Sounds . . . good. Reed, you're writing this down, right?" Noelle peeked at me up from her mountain of papers. I was shocked for a second that she was finally acknowledging me. I, of course, was already writing the ideas down, and I nodded back at her. She seemed slightly relieved.

"Anything else?" I looked around the table, only earning a few shrugs.

"We can think about it later. As for Sunday, we should do a normal fundraiser, like the brunch we had, and the other fundraiser," Noelle quietly added. A flush crept up my cheeks, recalling the moment I was completely humiliated in front of everyone.

"Are we done?" I asked Noelle. She nodded, and everyone got up to leave. I took my time, wanting to talk to Noelle. She lagged behind also, her movements slow and tiring.

As she got up to leave, I went up to her and asked, "Noelle, is everything alright? I mean, you seem a little anxious and-"

"I'm fine," she cut. I was stung by her reaction. She sighed and said, "Sorry. I just have a few things going on, and I'm not feeling the best. Dash and I-" she abruptly stopped before she moved on. I tried to get something out, wanting to ask what was going on between her and Dash and wanting to comfort her.

"Noelle-"

"I'll see you later, Reed," she called out while she walked away. I threw my hands up in the air, seriously debating if losing my sanity in Easton was worth it. Regardless, I gathered my things and headed out, welcoming the cold air. I was walking slowly, yawning as I did so, when I heard a:

"_Psst!_"

I stopped in my tracks and looked around. My heart began to beat faster. What the hell was up with people jumping out of nowhere?

"Reed, over here!" I swiveled my head to the side and saw Josh standing in the middle of the alley by Mitchell hall. I felt some of my bile coming up. I. Did. Not. Want. To. Go. There. No way in hell was I going to talk to Josh in that place after what happened. My feet stood still while my brain was screaming for me to run.

"W-what do you want now?" I managed to say. I swallowed several times, clutching my papers. Josh came forward, his perfect curls bouncing. As he approached, I saw a very prominent blue mark on his jaw. Ouch.

Josh kept the distance between us far, which I was eternally grateful for. He sighed and said, "Look, I just want to talk. Just this once; you can't keep on thinking that everything will just go back the way it was without doing something about it." He sighed again and raked his hand through his hair. "You didn't come when I asked you to."

I looked down at my feet. "It sounds better- not wanting to talk," I mumbled.

"The hell it doesn't. Come on, Reed. Please," Josh begged. I peered into his eyes, seeing true sincerity. I gave a terse nod back, and he swiftly turned and began to walk towards the Art Cemetery.

No! I couldn't go there! "Josh!" I yelled out. If he heard me, than he ignored me. In fact, he started walking faster. I began to jog, trying to get to talk to him. "I'm not going there," I pouted. I realized that Josh was leading me to a back door as opposed to the front door. I hadn't noticed a back door before.

"It's the only way to get you to talk," Josh called back. He was right, of course. I found myself complying anyway. When I came around the corner, I saw that the door was already open. Gingerly, I stepped inside, finally seeing the Cemetery once again.

Josh was seated in the couch, but he got up and started pacing. I swallowed and quietly shut the door behind me. In all the times I was here, I hadn't realized there was a secret door. This would've pleased me before, but not so much anymore.

I made my way over to the couch, perching my butt on the edge of the seat. I set my papers aside and started toying with my jacket. Several minutes passed.

"How come you didn't come?" he asked, referring to the text. I looked up at him. His hands were in his pocket and he was staring at me intently.

I sighed. "I didn't want to. And I didn't want Ivy to get hurt," I said calmly. At the mention of Ivy, Josh tensed.

"Oh, Reed. Ivy and I- crap, I don't know . . ." Josh began.

"It's OK. I heard you guys at the brunch. It's all my fault, isn't it?" I asked, knowing all too well the answer.

Josh stopped his pacing and looked at me. "God Reed, no. It's not your fault. It really is mine; I'm a coward," said Josh. He came over and sat next to me, again keeping the distance between us wide. Good.

He continued. "Look, I'm . . . so confused, you know? I-I . . ." My heart pace quickened a tenfold. Was he going to say that he loved me? And why was I feeling so pleased about that?

"Josh, we can't just go back," I blurted out. I hadn't realized the truth of those words, so I continued. "We both need to clean up our messes." We had already had this type of conversation before, and I didn't know why we were saying the same thing again. He was wasting my time.

"Damn it! Have you no sense?" Josh got up, and resumed pacing. His hostility scared me. But then again, I wasn't even sure he was taking his mood pills. "I still freaking care about you so fucking much! And I care about Ivy too! And now she's gone for a while, and I really, really, want you Reed. I can't just watch you go about without me, as selfish as that sounds. God, I'm not over you, Reed. I never was and I never will be," he explained.

Oh shit.

Goodness, what was I supposed to do? Should I drop all the seeds that I planted for my future- my future without Josh- and stop watering them? Should I try to cultivate my ruined roots and nurse them back to health? Was it even worth it? Was losing my friendships and my dignity worth it?

"Please, Reed. I'm begging you."

**

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**thanks for reviewing guys!**

**there's something wrong with the upload thing on here, and you won't believe how many f-bombs i dropped. anyway, cliffy, cliffy, cliffy!!!! (not really). is reed going to accept? is she going to get back with josh? i can't say anything... so tell me what you think! and tell me what you think about the fundraiser ideas.**

**i know i could've done better, but i'd rather get my chapters done on saturday and leave sunday to do all the homework i have to do (which is why i get yelled at a lot. and which is why i do all my homework in my classes and get it taken away). **

**review, review, review :)**


	18. Like Treasure

Like Treasure

"Alright, I think this blouse will look good on you. And maybe this skirt, too. And . . . Reed, are you even listening to me?"

I snapped out of my daze and glanced up at Constance. She was holding the two items she was mentioning for me to wear this weekend, but I obviously wasn't paying any attention. Not knowing what to say, I just shrugged. I couldn't stand this. The constant talking, the constant drama . . . The last thing I needed to worry about was clothes.

"Goodness gracious, you just _shrugged_. Reed, what's going on?" Constance asked. She dropped the clothes on my bed and sat down next to me. Her voluminous red curls touched my face, making me all jittery. Being the comforting friend she was, she wrapped one thin arm around my shoulders. "Reed, are you OK?"

Her words went straight through one ear and out the other. I shook my head, not wanting to disappoint Constance some more. "Yeah," I said. My voice sounded feeble and weak. Suddenly feeling too tired to have the emotional talk, I got up from my bed and retrieved my purse.

"Reed, where are you going? We – _you_ need to talk. Something's way off," she said. I ignored her, fighting back tears. Why was I producing tear ducts?

"I'll talk to you later, Constance," I said on my way out. I heard her give a protested sound, but by the time I heard it, I was deep into the hallway.

I knew I was being rude to her. I knew I was being rude to everyone. But I couldn't help it. My nightmares were getting worse and worse by the second, and my talk with Josh did not help at all. I felt like shit overall.

My feet dragged me outside where cold air welcomed me. I had no idea where to go. The library was a good place to start, but I had already been there today. Coffee Carma was another place, but it was the new hotspot for students. I wouldn't have any peace there.

"Hey, Reed." I turned my head to the side and saw Marc, holding hands with none other than Diana. Seeing my confused expression, Marc said, "Yeah, about a couple weeks now."

"How . . . what? Oh God, I'm horrible. I haven't been hanging out with you guys, and you were all really nice to me, and-"

"Reed! It's no big deal; we get it – you're busy," Diana cut through. She smiled at me. "We were going to go to Coffee Carma. You want to come with us?" she asked sweetly.

"Yeah, we can catch up. Oh – I wanted to write an article about the Billings fundraiser you guys are doing. You game?" Marc asked. He seemed really excited to do so.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sawyer walking towards Ketlar. He was holding several books, despite the fact he had a backpack on. I had a sudden urge to talk to Sawyer, despite our recent awkward encounter.

"Sorry Marc, maybe next time. How about tomorrow?" I said. Marc's face somewhat fell. Now I felt really bad.

He shrugged. "Sure, that's fine. I'll text you later?" I nodded in response.

"Well, I guess we'll see you later, Reed," Diana said. She wrapped her fingers tight around Marc's, and a pang of sorrow filled me. When would I get another chance like that?

"Yeah."

The happy couple turned around and left. Remembering that I wanted to speak with Sawyer, I ran off to Ketlar. His shoulders were hunched over, trying to block out the cold. He was already by the door when I called him.

"Sawyer!"

He stopped walking and turned to face me. Sawyer smiled, and I couldn't help but return the favor. His blonde hair moved with the wind, making him look impossibly cute.

"What's up, Reed?" Sawyer shifted the books on his right arm to his left.

It took me a minute to formulate my thoughts. "I – kind of wanted to talk? I mean, I hope I'm not bothering you." Seeing Sawyer's confused face, I instantly reddened. "I'll – just go," I said, feeling rejected.

Sawyer let out a soft chuckle. "Nonsense; come inside. I got an electric kettle and some chocolate powder, so we can make some hot chocolate!" I looked at him a little peculiar. He genuinely seemed excited to make one; it was hard for me not to laugh at him. "Never mind. Come on, it's cold." He held the door open for me, and I walked inside. It still looked the same, with boys all huddled over the TV, and some studious workers on the sofas. Nobody noticed that I was here.

"I have to get something, so I guess you can go upstairs. It's on the fourth floor; room 408. It's unlocked also," he explained. Sawyer gave me another sweet smile, and went off to meet with a group of boys. Feeling somewhat calmer and excited to get the hot chocolate started, I headed towards the elevators, making sure my footsteps weren't loud. I rounded the corner, a stupid smile still stuck on my face, only to find Josh Hollis just stepped out of the elevator.

"Hey."

"Hey." My heart started to beat faster, and my palms got all sweaty. Just the sight of him made me want to faint. I couldn't bear to see him right now. Not right now when I was going to make hot chocolate with Sawyer. Not right now when I had such a big burden to carry. Anything but this.

"Can I ask what you're doing here?"

Boy did _that_ sound rude. Instead of responding back in the same exact manner, I said, "Visiting a friend. We're going to make hot chocolate." I paused, meeting Josh in the eye. "I need to go upstairs." My voice barely wavered. Go me.

Keeping a fixed eye on me, Josh moved to the side, allowing me space to go through. I kept my eyes trained ahead, and I managed to keep my head held high. As I stepped into the elevator and turned to face the door that was closing, I caught a glimpse of Josh broken and forlorn.

As the numbers increased floor by floor, I tried very hard to forget that look. It did help, to an extent. The elevator dinged open, and I stepped into a very short corridor. It was half the size of the other three levels, and there were only four doors. Confused, I began to walk – 402, 404, 408. I stopped at the door, not sure if I should walk in there by myself. Finally getting the courage to do so, I gingerly opened the door. It was huge; it wasn't the average Ketlar dorm.

There was only one bed, which made me think that this was a single. All around me were book, books, and more books. On the walls were posters of bands I had never heard of, some of them signed. There was a large stereo system, stuck in the corner of the room. Sawyer's bed was right next to the window, and a desk was underneath it. Aside from the cluster of books, the room was fairly clean.

Leisurely, I kept looking around. Finally, my eyes stopped at his drawer. There were pictures of his family there. My heart beat paced up. I knew I was invading personal territory, but I couldn't help and walk over there.

The first frame had a picture of the whole gang together. Sawyer was there, looking carefree and absolutely wonderful. There was Upton, Noelle, Dash, Gage, Daniel and Paige. Graham was there, along with Kiran. Arianna wasn't there, to my relief. This seemed to be taken a couple of year ago. There was one person right behind Paige. She was wispy blonde hair; so blonde, in fact, I thought her hair was part of the clouds.

It was Jen Hathaway.

She was beautiful. She was breathtaking. Her hair was long and ethereal. She had a long, lean body, but it wasn't bulky. It didn't even seem like she worked out. She was just naturally very pretty and very put together. Her eyes were the deepest set of green I had ever seen. Even standing behind Paige could not hide the depth of her pools.

I don't know how long I stood there, looking at her. But I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. She looked some calm and peaceful; now, it made me really wonder why she decided to kill herself.

Feeling somewhat melancholy, I moved down the dresser to look at more pictures. There were pictures of Christmas and the Grand Canyon. Sawyer wasn't in any of them; it seemed like he was the one who took all of the pictures. There was a certain quality about them. As much as it looked like an amateur family picture, the angle and the way the light hit it made the photos look beautiful. Now suddenly thirsty, I turned around to get the kettle started when I saw a photograph of . . . me.

It was a three-fourths view of me. Most of my hair was obscuring my face, but my lips, my lashes, and my nose were shown. My eyes were shown also; the light made the blue look like the sky, light and soft. The auburn hair that surrounded me didn't look like it was done at a salon. A white, silky curtain hung beside the right side of my face. The lighting was perfect. But I looked so sad, so wistful. I looked tortured. And despite all of this, it was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen.

"Reed?"

I jumped at the sudden sound. Sawyer was standing by the door, looking slightly baffled. I suddenly realized I wasn't standing next to the dresser. Thank God. At least he wouldn't have a single clue as to what I was doing.

"Sorry, I spaced out." Timidly, I went over to the stereo, and started toying with the CD's.

"Is it cold? You still have your coat on," he said. I laughed, and shrugged it off my shoulders.

I went over to the bed and laid it there. "No, I just forgot." I looked up at Sawyer who was smiling at me. He turned around to get the kettle started, and I got a delicious view of his backside. Since when did his ass start looking so tight and round?

I glanced back up at the drawer. Ever since seeing those pictures (mostly mine), it made me feel . . . different. I had just seen a different side of Sawyer. It was his ability to make something so sad, so broken into something gorgeous. The picture of me didn't make me feel weird, like he was a stalker, but loved. I was glad Sawyer was the one who took it. I don't think I would like it if someone else had.

There was a small silence; it wasn't uncomfortable, despite our almost-kiss-awkwardness. Needing something to do, I went back over to the stereo. His iPod was on, and it was paused on a song. Pressing the play button, I turned on the volume to hear it better.

It started off with slow, soft piano notes. An acoustic guitar was heard in the background, melting in with the piano. But as the person started to sing, I instantly melted. The way he sang the notes, and the way the music floated in my ears made me want to cry. It hit home.

"It's beautiful," I whispered.

_You are the loneliest girl in the world._

_And tonight you'd fall for anyone. _

"Just like you," Sawyer whispered back.

* * *

**thanks for reviewing everyone!**

**so, what's my big excuse for not updating for a month and a half? papers - three of them. and i'm still working on two. so how do i greet you guys? with a crappy filler. i'm nowhere being done, so please don't give up on me. my weekdays were put aside to do regular school work, and my past five weekends were set to do my papers. i apologize for not updating in forever. believe me, i haven't forgotten, nor have i given up. again, sorry. **

**i know scandal is coming out next week, so i was wondering if you guys still wanted me to continue? like i said, i have a crap load of drama ready, but it's going to take a while. so tell me what you think!**

**on a side note, the song that is mentioned here is called "loneliest girl in the world" by cary brothers. wonderful song. **

**review :) **


	19. Cheating Destiny

Cheating Destiny

It was Saturday morning, and all of the Billings girls were heading out to the fundraiser party for the politicians. Right now, I was currently sitting in Sawyer's room, ranting about how much I didn't want to go, and ignoring the fact that he was still somewhat asleep.

"Reed, you were the one who" – yawn – "suggested to have a nice big fundraiser." Yawn. "Just go; maybe you'll have fun with those" – yawn again – "old people." Sawyer rubbed his eyes and tried to lift his head from the bed, but it fell back down with a loud _thud_.

I was still oblivious to the fact he was shirtless and was wearing boxers, not to mention it was nine in the morning and I was being extremely rude. But I was pumped up from the coffee I just had, and I couldn't seem to stop talking.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid. Maybe I can lie, and say I'm not feeling well. And I have a lot of homework to do, so I can get that done," I said. Instantly, another idea came up to me head. "We should study together! We can go to Coffee Carma, and-"

Just then, my phone alerted me of an incoming text. Sighing, I fished out my phone from my pocket. The text was from Noelle:

**Where the fuck r u? **

I frowned at her language, but realized I needed to start moving. "I should get going." I glanced up, seeing Sawyer standing up, his hair all rumpled up, his chest the finest piece of meat I had ever seen. Gulp. He even rivaled Upton.

"Sure," he said, while he slipped on some jeans. He yawned for the hundredth time already, and put on a pair of glasses. "I'll see you later."

"Hold on – when did you start wearing glasses?" I asked, momentarily distracted. I felt my phone buzz a couple more times, but I ignored it.

Sawyer laughed a real, hearty laugh and said, "A while, but I always wear contacts. I've been wearing them for a really long time, so I'm used to it." His glasses were framed and black, the black accentuating his features, making his jaw look more prominent. For a second, he looked like a Burberry or Ralph Lauren model.

I chuckled at my ideas and said, "Looking sharp. I like it," I added, gesturing to the glasses. He nodded in acknowledgement. My phone buzzed again, and I reluctantly accepted I needed to get moving. "I'll see you later," I said while I went out the door. Sawyer waved back a little sleepy.

Running as fast as I could, I stealthy made my way out of Ketlar. Everybody was asleep, save for a few people. Now in the middle of the quad, I was able to see all the girls impatiently waiting for me to come. Oops.

"And here she comes! Jesus, where were you?" Noelle asked, obviously pissed off at me. She literally pushed me inside the car, everyone else in tow. Before I was being shoved inside, I caught a glimpse of Josh talking with a group of people. He was laughing at something, and I instantly felt a pang of guilt. The conversation between Josh flashed through my brain, me wincing in an attempt to keep it down.

_"How dare you. How dare you say all of this, after calling me a whore, treating me the worst possible way, and forgetting about Ivy! I can't do this!" I said, slumping into the chair from sheer exhaustion. _

_Josh scoffed. "You're joking, right? Because honestly, I don't know why it's so hard for you to go back! Why can't you forgive me?!"_

_"Because you haven't said sorry! You haven't apologized for being a total dick to me! You haven't apologized for not calling me during break! You haven't apologized for making all these promises and breaking them, when I asked you not to! How can I forget, Josh? After everything you said to me, after everything that's happened . . . I need some room to breathe, and you're not letting me." _

_It was quiet in the room. "I don't know why you doubt us. But I know I'm right."_

_Now it was my turn. "Right about what, exactly?"_

_"It's because of Sawyer. It really is. But you keep on forgetting about me, Reed – me!" _

_I got up, anger running through my veins. "Oh yeah, I forgot everything was about you! Well, newsflash sweetheart – it's not! And this is not about Sawyer – it's about us. I'm sick and tired, and you're going to let me go," I whispered. _

_Josh looked at me with those piercing eyes and it took every ounce of me not to look away. "It's not over, Reed."_

_"What's that supposed to mean, exactly?"_

_"I'm not giving up on us." _

I seriously hoped they had booze at the party.

***

"And what would your views be on healthcare, Miss Lange?" asked some old politician. I was standing next to Noelle, already on my second champagne glass in a very short time. There were a couple of more old guys surrounding us, but apparently, they weren't as important to the person we were talking now.

Noelle flashed a brilliant smile. "Honestly, I do feel it is every person's right to able afford healthcare, but on the other hand, there's only so much you can do. How many more taxes will it take? And will this healthcare bill take into account of the illegal immigrants? If there's one thing I cannot stand, its people taking advantage of us. American is not the land of free purchases. It is the land of equality and _justice_," finished Noelle. She smiled again, and the Congressman Williamson was a little dumbstruck. His friends around him murmured, and I wasn't sure if it was good thing.

"So I take it you are not happy with our immigration system?" He sniffed and rubbed his nose with the palm of his hand. Ew.

"I never lie, and I won't lie right now, Congressman. For a country that has a strong system of security equipment, I don't understand how hard it is to keep illegal aliens out of this country." She paused, thinking something else smart to say. "Let's face it – the crime rate has gone up tremendously. We have illegal drugs spreading around even more in the States. I'm not happy with the situation, but I think we can handle it," said Noelle. She looked around all happy, beaming.

I stood differently in this matter. Sure, I didn't like having illegal immigrants here, but there was a certain advantage with having them here.

"W-well, don't you think the Mexicans are kind of a great asset to American businesses?" Sensing everyone's eyes on me, I blushed. Timidly, I looked up, seeing Noelle staring down at me and Congressman Williamson staring at me, although not as scary as Noelle.

"And why is that, Miss . . .?"

"Brennen, sir. Reed Brennen." I stopped.

"You were saying, Miss Brennen?" Williamson smiled at me warmly.

I blushed again, suddenly feeling very stupid. I didn't know anything about politics, aside from the tidbits I had read from articles and newspapers. "Well, I mean, think about all the farmers in California and other places; like factories or small businesses. They can, like, pay the people less and nobody will care. It's not like they can file a law suit for not being paid the same because they're not even American!"

As I looked around at all the faces around me, I immediately realized the stupidity and the utter rudeness of what I had said. I tried to form words of apology when I was cut off by Congressman Williamson.

"You know, I try not to say anything to the press, but that's what exactly what I was thinking! Sure, we can stop trying to keep them from coming (we have a lot of them so far, and we don't need more), but they've been a great help in my small business area. It's amazing how much they'll work for a dollar . . ."

I was shocked. Really, I was. I thought Congressman Williamson was a Democrat. I shook my head, actually interested in what he was saying.

"Oh, Reed, I never knew you knew so much about our country's problems. Weren't you just saying we were a bunch of – and pardon my frankness – pricks for buying all our oil from those towel heads?" Noelle smirked, but her eyes were dead cold.

How could she. How could she do that? I was having a great time with Mr. Williamson, and she just ruined it. And not only that, I had _never_ said that. I was crushed and unbelievably hurt. Who was she?

"Noelle," I admonished, but in a small voice. I felt lingering tears in my eyes.

"Well, it was a pleasure to meet all of you; truly. Until next time, gentlemen," she said, patting my shoulder. Slowly, I turned my head back around to meet with Williamson's eyes. I could tell he was shocked as I was.

It took me a couple of tires to get me sentence started. "I-I never said . . . I'm sorry, but I have to go. Please, I -" I looked back to the direction Noelle left. "Sorry!" I called out before I turned around and ran off to look for Noelle. Not caring about the important people all around me, I pushed against people and not bothering to apologize. I rounded a corner, and was thrust into a hallway. There, I saw Noelle putting on her coat, acting as if nothing was wrong.

"What. The. Hell. Was. That?!" I shouted. I came near her, feeling intense anger roll off of me. What she just did was inexcusable. Just because she was Noelle Lange did not mean she was able to do whatever she wanted.

Noelle tossed her hair to the side casually, revealing her Harry Winston diamonds she proudly showed off this morning. She let out a long sigh as if she had a long day. "Reed, Reed, Reed," she sang. Noelle gave a tight smile, but I could see pure ice in her eyes. "Do you know who those men are? My father has known them his entire life. They're my key to be successful in life." Noelle stopped and came a little closer. She looked off into the distance as if she was contemplating something. "You can't just come up with a lame, red neck answer and expect to get into Ivy."

_What?_

"So, I'd suggest you try not to say anything that will ruin you," she finished. Noelle fluidly put on her Dolce&Gabbana coat on as if she didn't have a care in the world.

"Hold on – where is this coming from? What did I do?" I snorted, fully realizing the absurdity of this situation. "And I can't believe you would make up something like that?! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Noelle's face went dead, and I instantly cringed. "You think, since you went through all this trouble, that you can do whatever the hell you want to? Who do you think you are, taking over _my_ project and _my_ future?"

The only thing I could do was shake my head. Where was she getting this from?

"I'm not taking anything away from you Noelle," I said as calmly as I could.

"Oh really? How about taking over my fundraiser I've poured so much into, whilst you've done nothing! How about acting like the sweet little girl my father adores, but instead, you're a cheating whore! Does Upton ring a bell?" Noelle's face was beet red, and her nostrils flared. How did she know about Upton?

"And what about that dumb blonde you pulled off not too long ago? Who do you think you are by storming your way through after I was the one who made you legend?! I did! It was all me! And here you are, fucking your way through with everyone!" Noelle stopped, and for once, I saw how unstable she looked. One thing was sure – this new revelation was making me a hell of a lot unstable.

"Noelle . . ." I started off, weakly. I didn't know where to begin.

"Whatever. Try not to bother me," was all she said before she literally ran off. Well, she walked with her head up high and her heels clacking, but for some odd reason, Noelle seemed really defeated.

Slowly, I sank down the wall, resting my head on the wall. I tried to register what Noelle had just said. So basically, I was taking everything from her, in some way or another. She now disliked me very much. I didn't know what I did wrong, but one thing was for sure – it was going to take a long time for Noelle to forgive me.

All of a sudden, my phone rang. I took it out of my clutch, and instantly shuddered at the name that appeared on my phone. I just stared and stared, letting it ring, so desperately stuck. Finally, it stopped ringing. A couple of seconds later, another tone indicated me that they left a message.

One, two, three times I banged my head on the wall.

Fuck this. It was just a stupid voicemail, right?

"_Reed, I know things have been incredibly messed up between us. But – I . . . I can't do this anymore. If there's one thing I regret the most, it's losing you. And I've damaged everything so much. I know you want some time and space." _Pause. Exhale. _"But there's only so much time and space I can give you, and only so much time and space I can have myself. I don't want this – us – to be late. I don't want to forget us._

_I don't want to forget you." _

* * *

**Hey, dearies - thanks for reviewing! W****ell, now you know what happened during the conversation between Josh and Reed. There will obviously be a lot more drama and Josh/Reed interaction soon enough. **

**Scandal time: what did you guys think of it? It was pretty good, but the ending was just too... obvious and boring. If you happen to think otherwise, tell me what you think!**

**I have a new fic called "Just Once." It's a oneshot between Ivy and Sawyer, because those two went through some heartache in Scandal and I decided to mess around with them. Check it out! Also, my other fic - Love Will Tear Us Apart: Josh POV - will be coming back alive. It's just I'm trying to get all my other stories done, and I have a lot on my plate. So hang in there, folks! You're favorite blonde boy will be coming back :)**

**And review :) **


	20. What the?

What the . . . ?

The only thing I could think this whole weekend was _what the hell_. Really. It bounced back and forth inside my brain, teetering on the edge of my tongue, waiting to come out and scare everyone. Honestly, last weekend was a complete bust. It was a total disaster, and I had no idea _what the hell happened_.

First things first – Noelle resented me for some odd reason. The only thing I could discern when she was yelling at me was that she thought I was taking over the fundraiser, and something about how her father adored me more. Obviously, I had no clue as to where she got these ideas from, but she said them nonetheless.

I remember recalling when I came to Easton how detached and sullen the kids were toward their parents. Sure, it was a common stereotype among the kids, but I never realized the extent of it. Teenagers always had problems with their parents; it was a common occurrence. But this . . . This was something more.

The only time I had even met Noelle's parent was in St. Barth's and the New York trip. They seemed liked decent people (with a lot of money, of course). Noelle's mother communicated through spas and wasting money on clothes, and her father cared for her in some ways. So, why was she thinking they didn't love her?

What did I have that made me the target of such hate?

On top of that, Josh was confusing me every second. I thought back to our conversation in the Art Cemetery and about how he thought I was stalling because of Sawyer. Was I? No, not entirely. The thing was, when Josh and I were apart, it was . . . ugly. The air was pungent and stale around us, clogging our sense and mind. Josh said mean and hateful words to me, and I, in return, started to date people just to rub it in his face.

I couldn't forget.

And during winter break, I was confused as the Mad Hatter himself. Before I left, he had practically told me he loved me. So when I went to the beaches, I thought some air had been cleaned and maybe, just maybe, we could be together; things had only gotten worse.

I wasn't sure if Josh had broken up with Ivy. I didn't believe him. Perhaps Ivy was feeling unloved and maybe that was why she said she needed a break. Ivy was a human being with feelings also, and something just _wasn't right_.

I barely talked to Ivy even after we had some sort of truce. Why? I'm not sure. I knew she needed distance, and plus, I was extremely busy with the fundraiser.

"Reed! Wait up!" I turned around and saw Ivy coming at me. I was walking towards the library since that was my new hanging out spot. She wore a navy blue coat, her hair flying with the wind, and (gasp!) she had a smile on her face.

"Ivy, hey," I said somewhat halfheartedly. I stopped in the middle of my tracks, waiting for her to catch up. She finally came, that same damn smile still stuck on her face.

She hugged her backpack and said, "What's up? Long time, no see, despite the fact we live next door," Ivy joked. I chuckled a little, seeing she was right. I was dreadfully busy, and of course, I couldn't tell her I was ignoring her for obvious reasons.

"Well . . . You know Billings stuff . . ." I trailed off. Memories of recent events swarmed my brain, and my voice became wistful, as if I was still trying to keep the good memories alive.

Ivy seemed to be thinking the same thing. She gave a timid smile and asked, "Where are you headed?"

"Library; it's my new hang out place," I added while gesturing the books in my hand. I glanced at the old building and invited her to study with me.

"Oh, that'd be cool. Good thing I brought my stuff," said Ivy, slapping her heavy backpack at the same time. She looked at the fabric filled with books in disdain and said, "I'm so glad I'm a senior."

_Now_ I was feeling extremely wistful. I wanted to get the hell out of Easton and get my degree this very moment. On top of the ridiculous homework, I hated the amount of drama that was embedded on Easton's walls. "Damn it – you have no idea how much I wish I was a senior," I remarked, earning a feel-good laugh from Ivy. I smiled, silently patting myself on the shoulder. Perhaps we could truly be friends.

"Reed! How wonderful to see you!" a voice rang out. Ivy and I swiftly turned our heads to the side, and saw Mr. Hathaway was walking toward us. He had a big grin on his face, his handsome face shining with delight.

"I never did get a good look at him. That's what I call a fine piece of forty year old specimen," Ivy mentioned. Slowly, I turned my head to face Ivy, my mouth in a soft _O_. She gave a throaty laugh while pointing at my face. "Look at you! Come on Reed, admit it: he's kind of hot for a headmaster," she added. My brows furrowed as I contemplated Spencer Hathaway's charming face.

Before I could muster a response, Mr. Hathaway came forth. "Hello ladies. How are you?" asked the ever polite Headmaster. He had a briefcase hanging on his shoulder filled with folders.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Hathaway. We're fine," I supplied. I gave a sideways glance at Ivy, getting ready to introduce her. "How are you? And, uh, by the way, this is-"

"Come now, Mr. Hathaway – I hope you haven't forgotten me all already," Ivy said. My mind instantly began to reel, wondering when she had met him. She flashed her pearly whites and stuck out a hand.

Mr. Hathaway shook her hand briefly, smiling as he did so. "Of course I do! How could I?" he asked in mock-seriousness. We both gave shy giggles before he asked, "Where are you ladies going?"

"The good ol' library, Sir. We definitely want to pass our classes Mr. Hathaway," Ivy said seriously. "Hopefully you won't expel us by then," she included. She laughed and Mr. Hathaway joined in.

The two instantly hit off – apparently, Ivy's aunt was a very good friend of Mr. Hathaway's. As I stood on the sidelines, my gaze shifted over to Mr. Hathaway's briefcase. Boy, did he have a lot of papers. It was jam packed, yellow folders all cramped in his Prada case. I was beginning to ask Ivy if she was still willing to go to the library before I caught the word _Billings_ on a lone folder. My heart instantly thudded. My eyes zeroed in on the file, just itching to get the folder out of there. Upon further inspection, I realized that folder was the largest one in the bunch. Something wasn't right.

"Hello, earth to Reed. Hello," Ivy said, moving her hand back and forth in front of my face. I snapped out of my gaze, my heart failing to stop beating like crazy.

"Reed? Are you OK?" she asked, concerned. My fleeting eyes instantly went over to Mr. Hathaway's, trying to capture his gaze. He looked perfectly normal.

"What's in the Billings folder?" I blurted out. Automatically, my hand went over to my mouth, clamping it shut. Mr. Hathaway's warm eyes instantly turned icy while Ivy shrank about two feet. He clutched his briefcase, snapping the thing shut. _What?_

"Nothing of your concern, Miss Brennen," he said briskly. His jaw ticked a little, his handsome face a mask of cool. "Now, if you'll excuse me ladies, I need to attend some business." He nodded briefly in our direction before he headed off, back to where he left from – his office.

Whoa. What the hell just happened?

"W-we should go, I guess. Coming, Reed?" Ivy toyed with the straps on her shoulder, nervously looking at me. Her face was slightly pale. Then all of a sudden, a memory came crashing down on me.

_"Josh, it will be OK. Trust me when I say that. Everything will be fine."_

"_Even you said it was for the better, right? _You_ agreed with them. Just relax; __please__."_

I had a feeling Josh, Ivy, Mr. Hathaway, and the Billings folder had something to do with Billings getting torn down.

And it definitely wasn't a good feeling.

* * *

**yeah, a filler. but there's a mystery, so i guess it's ok. :) **

**it's late. i think i'm going to watch hurt locker. seems pretty good. you guys know the drill. and by the way, all mistakes are by me, so, sorry. didn't feel like revising it. **


	21. Ten Thousand Needles

Ten Thousand Needles

It really did look like a rave party. Aside from the fact it was supposed to be a future theme party, it did fit, but this was beyond crazy. People were all over, dancing, splashing their drinks on the floor. The lights swam around me, blinding me. Bodies were crushed against together, and it was unbearably hot.

I was currently in the middle of the dance floor, trying to get my way across. It was jam packed, and I had no idea how I got there. But I was, and it was too tight. I couldn't breathe. Someone bumped into me, their alcohol barely missing me.

"Sorry!" the person slurred. Where did everyone get the drinks?

I couldn't seem to formulate an answer, so I went ahead, pushing past several people. Red lights, blue lights, white lights – it was too much. Noelle went a bit overboard with the decorating.

It didn't help the party was held in a club in the first place.

Speaking about Noelle, our relationship was on the rocks. I hadn't managed to get a chance to talk to her for the past week, but for a couple of weeks, the Billings girls' would have a break from all the party planning. Until then, I would have to wait for Noelle's wrath to diminish.

I didn't know what prompted the sudden outburst. But she ended up exploding on me, and I felt horrible. Underneath the deep, thick metal, Noelle was an insecure person. Of course, I felt completely sorry for her, but then I realized she didn't need my sympathy. The best way to handle our friendship was to . . . have me apologize?

Noelle was strong. But she was very stubborn, and she would never apologize; she would never explain her reasoning. Therefore, it was my duty to do so. I didn't have to apologize for everything, but Noelle would get the hint sooner or later.

Currently, my mission at party number two was to talk to Noelle. It wasn't going so well as of now. It was taking forever to walk through. I didn't even know half of the people here; at least one-third of the party goers were not from Easton, but from neighboring boarding schools. They obviously came for the drinks and the dancing. There were also some Easton alumni here, but I had yet to meet them.

"Ugh, move bitch," someone said to me. By the time I turned around to find the perpetrator, they were already gone. I continued, rolling my eyes as I did so and moving people aside.

Finally, I got to the other side of the club, sighing in relief. This scene slightly reminded me of my dreams, disoriented, blurry, but still there. My nightmares had lessened considerably over the past month, but I would still have them on occasion.

There – she was leaning against the wall, her piercing eyes watching everyone. Noelle looked breathtaking, as usual. She was wearing an Alexander McQueen dress, one she bought before he died. For once, she was wearing bright pink.

Timidly, I came forth, not sure what to expect. She obviously sensed me approaching, for she instantly stiffened, still looking straight ahead. I gulped, giving myself a little pep talk about how this was going to be alright.

"Noelle?" I squeaked out.

Ever so slowly, she twisted her head to the side. Her dark hair fell over, slightly obscuring her face. "Hello, Reed."

An awkward silence swept over us. I rocked back and forth on my heels, not sure what to say. I knew I couldn't move because the whole point of my mission would have been a total waste. So instead, I mustered up some courage to talk to her.

"Noelle, is everything alright? I'm sorry if I have ever done anything wrong, but-"

"Just forget it."

My mouth hung open for a good minute. I was completely shocked. I didn't want to say anything stupid to ruin the moment, so I kept my mouth shut.

"It's just, what am I doing all of this for? And, I don't know, I'm kind of tired. I don't even know if we'll be able to get Billings back, and . . ." She paused, finally looking at me straight in the eye. They were slightly twinkling, and for once, I had a good feeling.

"It's not a big deal. I'm getting Senioritis; not just for homework, but for other things, obviously." Noelle shifted her feet nervously, and I smiled to myself. She was finally opening herself to me.

I smiled like a goofy kid who just got candy. I was elated. Our friendship was OK! I wanted to shout out to the whole party that Noelle and I were cool. However, I knew Noelle was most likely going to bust my ass if I ever did, so I asked, "So, we're cool?"

She nodded briefly before she gave her attention to the dance floor. I happened to see a smile creeping on her lips, and instead of letting things be, I went over and gave her a big hug. She staggered a bit by my enthusiasm, but I didn't care – I loved Noelle, and she was my best friend.

"I-I think you can let go of me now," Noelle said. Reluctantly, I did, but I was still smiling like a little kid.

"I'll go get some drinks!" I shouted over the music. Noelle nodded back, but I could tell she was restraining herself to smile. As I turned around, I quickly realized I had to walk back across the room to get some "punch". God, this place was insane.

So I walked. I walked alongside the wall in a big square, still managing to bump into several people. As the lights flitted, I caught an image of Gage grinding on some random girl, Vienna and London dancing crazy, Sawyer shyly moving back and forth with Trey, Graham, and another group of girls. Ivy, too, was dancing with a large group of people. I smiled inwardly, glad she was having fun.

Thinking about Ivy made me think about Josh. I hadn't talked to Josh at all. I received neither text nor calls, and I in return didn't send anything. I knew it was unhealthy to ignore Josh, but every time I was around him, I couldn't seem to think. Every time we talked, we ended up making promises or yelling at each other. I needed a break.

And lastly, thinking about Josh and Ivy made me think about the Billings folder. Sooner or later, I was going to find out what was in there no matter what. Something sinister was going on, and I didn't like it.

After several minutes, I finally got to the drink table. The bar was closed off, but of course, someone spiked the juice and others brought their own drinks. It was kind of hard to get the glasses, for they were far from me, and my future-looking dress, courtesy from Astrid's closet, was preventing me to do so.

"Looking for this?"

I whipped my head to the side and saw none other than Hunter. Yes, Hunter, the man who talked about himself all the time and guy who I walked out on the middle of our "date". He was looking pretty smug about something, and he seemed a little tipsy. Hunter was dressed in head to toe black. It vaguely resembled a jumpsuit, although it seemed like a very expensive jumpsuit.

He handed me a plastic glass. I smiled and said, "Thanks." I poured the juice inside the glass, willing for Hunter to leave. I barely talked to the guy.

"Hey, why don't you dance with me? You seem like you need the fun," Hunter added. I could feel him coming closer.

"Um, sorry, I can't. I was going to hang out with Noelle so . . ." I trailed off, gesturing that I needed to leave. Hunter only came closer, his mouth forming a mischievous grin.

"Come on, one dance – please?" he begged. His breath smelled like alcohol and something else. I couldn't seem to pinpoint it.

I just shook my head, feeling a little bit nervous. "Sorry, I really am."

"No, you're not. Fine, why don't you just talk to me for a few minutes? This party is awesome," he drawled out.

I leaned against the wall, focusing my attention to the dance floor, trying to ignore him. "Thanks," was all I could say.

An uncomfortable silence followed, and I wanted to run. I never talked to him, and I certainly didn't want to talk to him now. He seemed really drunk and I didn't have a good record with drunks and hard partying. I nervously tapped my foot.

"Want some?"

I gaped at the sight in front of me. Hunter had a few, small tiny pills in his hand. He smirked, brining a white pill to his mouth. He closed his eyes, swallowing in the drug. I couldn't seem to say anything. I was beyond shocked.

First off, this man was doing hardcore drugs. Second, I didn't have good history will small, tiny pills. Third, I did not want to talk to a guy who was high. I was in complete unease.

"No need to be shocked, Brennen. People do it all the time. Last chance, sweetheart." Hunter continued to look at me, his eyes becoming a bit unfocused, yet somehow managing to scare the crap out of me. The pills were still laid out on the middle of his palm. I gulped.

"Sorry, no t-thanks. I-I'll see you around, Hunter!"

With that, I practically ran off. Half of my drink was gone, due to my haste in leaving. I shook my head, trying to rid the image of those pills and Hunter's plea that I join the fun. I shuddered at the thought of doing something irrational.

I turned around a corner, narrowly missing a couple heavily making out. I wrinkled my nose in distaste when I felt my arm being tugged into a dark corridor. I stumbled inside, panic settling in. What was going on?!

In an instant, I felt something covering my eyes. Everything was now opaque and pitch black. I struggled to say something, but I was scared shit. The drinks that I was holding were gone, my hands aching for some sense of normalcy. Someone roughly grabbed my hands, twisted them around my back, and began to tie them together.

Oh no.

"W-who are you?" I asked, my voice cracking. I was so close to crying. Who were these people? And didn't I get rid of a stalker a mere two or three month ago?

"Shut up. Let's take her outside, shall we? Hopefully she'll be quiet by then," I heard someone say. It was a female, and it sounded very familiar. Before I could think, I was shoved to move along. I tripped, and the person caught me. Their arms unwillingly steadied me; their arms seemed to belong to a strong man.

I was scared, angry, and I had no idea what to do. My body was shaking uncontrollably. The man behind me smelled of strong cologne, and the girl's scent washed over me, mingling with the man's. I recorded the smell, remembering my incident with Mrs. Ryan, knowing it would help me sooner or later.

I hoped this wasn't going to be another episode like Mrs. Ryan.

The person behind me forced me to move along. I knew the girl was talking, but I could barely hear her. The music was pounding in my ears even though I knew we weren't in the main dancing area.

"God, she's walking too fucking slow. Drag her ass out of here," said the girl. Instantly, I felt my feet being lifted up from the ground, and I yelped. The nameless person wrapped their nasty hand over my mouth, muffling my cry. He strengthened his hold over me, covering me tight. Tears poured down, and the person carrying me seemed to think my tears were gross.

What were they going to do? Were they planning to kill me? What was Noelle thinking? Was she wondering where I was at? What about Josh? Ivy? Sawyer? All of my friends?

Out of nowhere, I felt cold air blast through me and the sounds of cars running past my ear.

Ohmigod, I was outside. They probably had a van out there, waiting to kidnap me.

Before I could think, the person who was dragging me dropped me on the floor. My knees buckled underneath, but I managed not to topple over. Blindly, I turned my head side to side, trying to discern where exactly I was at.

"I think it's time we show her how worthless she is, right? Bye, bitch."

This time, it seemed like the girl pushed me, and again I almost fell. The ground seemed to be shaking and the cars seemed to be surrounding me. Horns honked, but I wasn't doing anything! I was standing still!

I was standing still in the middle of a busy New York street.

I sob escaped from me, and I tried to run. Where, I don't know. Besides, where was the sidewalk? Which way was I walking?!

More honks could be heard, and I did everything in my willpower to stand still and try to ignore the cars. I could feel my heart pounding, its sound deafening my ear. I felt several big gusts of air past me. Oh God, I was for sure in the middle of the road.

I had to get the blindfold off of me _now_. It didn't help that my hands were tied; so, I resorted to using my arms. Moving side to side and trying to stay clear of the cars, I tried to remove my blindfold. My body was shaking in fear, as were my arms. I couldn't get it off!

After a couple more tries, I managed to lift the screen a little bit from my left eye.

Good thing I did. Because there was a semi-truck running at me, giving me no time to think, promising me that I would get crushed if I didn't leave soon enough.

* * *

**sorry for not being able to update in a long time, and pardon me if there are any mistakes. **

**so, i know a couple of you told me that you wanted to see this story end, but frankly, i'm not feeling the love. i'm not trying to push you into reviewing, but it lets me know there are still people out there. these require a lot of time and effort, and believe me, i want this done as much as you do. i DO NOT write for reviews. it's just letting me know how often i need to update and what not. thanks for taking the time in reading this. **

**also, playlist number 3 will be coming up. check it out if you're into techno. :) **


	22. Listen to Death From Above

Listen to Death From Above

Time stopped, I think. Everything was rushed into slow motion. I couldn't seem to remember anything. All I remembered was standing shock still, my brain somehow managing not to function. The lights of the truck came closer, closer, almost there . . .

Someone pulled me from the side, and I gave a startled cry. I could feel the truck move past me, the gust of wind large enough to knock me over. In that split second, my body collided with someone and the hardness of the concrete road. The person was underneath me, their arms covering me protectively.

There was honking going on, and I could feel the cars whip past me. The blindfold I managed to remove before was back in place, covering my eyes. All I knew that I was safe. A broken sob escaped me, and the person who saved me wrapped their arms tighter around me.

"Shh, Reed, it's alright," the person coaxed over and over again. My tears kept falling down, and I felt embarrassed.

But not for long.

"J-Josh," I cried out. "Josh," I said with more conviction and more sadness.

"I'm here, baby."

More waterfalls appeared from my eyes, and now, I was sitting upright, Josh hugging me from behind and slowly removing the blindfold. The drama between us was momentarily forgotten. All I could think was wondering who the hell tried to kill me yet again, and feeling Josh comfort me.

The little safe haven we created was gone after I heard some shouts coming. Josh had dragged us to the sidewalk so we wouldn't get run over by the cars. The click clacks of the stilettos could be heard, and Noelle's voice was the loudest among all. I sat there, not wanting to get up and beyond scared.

"Reed! Oh God, what just happened?" Noelle came closer, her nostrils flaring, her lips in a thin line, but her eyes told me she was just as scared. Almost all of the Billings girls were there, including Sawyer and the Ketlar boys.

"Someone tried to kill her," Josh calmly said. "I got in time."

My head was tucked on Josh's shoulder, and he held onto me tight. I was shaking and cold, but I couldn't seem to move. This was perfect, just sitting here with Josh.

"What the fuck? Again?" Tiff called out. Murmurs began to follow; I knew I was going to be major gossip for the next few days.

"How?" Constance asked.

"I don't know, I was just hanging out here, and then I saw Reed in the middle of the street blindfolded and her wrists closed," explained Josh. The crowd went silent, and I cowered even more.

"All right then, let's get her out of here. Move over, Hollis," Noelle said. Sounds of protest came out of Josh's mouth, and if possible, he wrapped his arms around me even more. In the end, however, his fight was futile. I felt his arms loosen, and suddenly, Noelle's cool hand grabbed my arm and lifted me up.

As I looked around the curious onlookers, sick dread filled my stomach and I wanted to leave. I tried to grab anything to hold me still. My hands formed iron cages on Noelle's arm, but she didn't seem to mind. Worried faces surround me, each person trying to comfort me.

What I really wanted was Josh. But I had messed everything up between us, so it was not possible. I just needed a reassuring shoulder.

Noelle called for the limo driver to come around and take me home. The party was supposed to be over, but it seemed like all the people wanted to hang around some more for the booze and drugs. Everything was getting out of control.

Just like my life.

Eventually, the car came over, and I was quickly rushed inside. The jacket Trey had given me slipped off, and as I went to retrieve it, Josh's broken face appeared from the group onlookers. Noelle's strong arm pulled me away from Josh, and I reluctantly went inside. I was still trying to grasp the idea of almost getting killed again, not to mention I was all over confused towards my feelings for Josh.

The car was warm for me. Only Noelle and Sawyer filed inside the car after me. Upon seeing Sawyer, a weird form of guilt consumed me. I don't know why, but I felt the overwhelming urge just to forget everything. Forget that there was a rift between Josh and I, forget that I had some type of attraction for Sawyer, forget that someone was – yet again – wanting to kill me.

I inhaled and exhaled slowly, rolling my head to the side and resting it on the cool window.

"Reed, are you OK?" Noelle asked.

I closed my eyes shut, but answered with a dim, "Yes."

"Bullshit," Sawyer's voice rang out. My head snapped up and I looked straight at him. He seemed really pissed off. His brows were in a thick, hard line as was his lips.

Noelle snorted and said, "For once, I might agree with you."

"We need to do something. For starters, I don't think we should have the parties anymore," Sawyer said thoughtfully.

"Are you kidding me? All of these parties are to rebuild Billings!"

"Yeah? Do even pause to think about how many drugs there were tonight, and the amount of alcohol? These parties have nothing to do with Billings. It's all about you girls being on top," Sawyer explained. He had a point.

"Look what it's doing," he added softly. "Reed almost died! Maybe the person was really out to get her, or maybe someone was strung out on coke; either way, these parties are over."

Noelle huffed, but didn't say anything. In a rare occurrence, she had nothing to say. Finally, Noelle asked, "Reed, what exactly happened?"

I sighed. I had a feeling I would have to repeat this over and over again.

"Just . . . People dragged me; a boy and a girl. They tied me up, a-and threw me out on the street." I could tell Noelle wanted to implore me even more, but then I said, "Look, I'm really tired and all I want to do is sleep. We can talk tomorrow."

"OK," Noelle said quietly.

* * *

"As far as I can tell, these parties are over. _I_ am held responsible for these students, yet these kids are coming home drunk and high," Mr. Hathaway said sternly.

"Spencer, we had no alcohol at the party. Other kids brought it over, and–"

"And nothing. We, the board, already told you girls that we wouldn't condone this type of behavior. At first, your intentions did seem pure, but I am afraid the circumstances call for this fundraiser to be halted." Mr. Hathaway's handsome face was still and stoic, his thick, black glasses hanging on the bridge of his nose.

"Besides, Reed almost died."

Noelle and I were at the headmaster's office, trying to make sure our fundraiser was still alive. I didn't say anything; Noelle was doing all the talking. As I looked around the office, I saw the Billings folder which once intrigued me. It was tucked away in a little corner, its papers ready to fall out. My dislike for Headmaster Hathaway deepened. He was a sinister sort of fellow.

"But–"

"Sorry ladies, but that is my final answer. No more parties, no more Billings fundraiser." Spencer glared at us for a moment before saying, "I don't think either one of you want to jeopardize your time at Easton."

Did he just go there? I warily glanced at Noelle, and she seemed completely shocked and scared. After all, Noelle barely got another chance to come back here and redo her education. She was already at least a year behind, and she simply couldn't risk this. I was momentarily afraid, hoping Noelle wasn't going to give up all of a sudden.

"Of course," Noelle responded back.

I had yet to say something, but Noelle's lack of response was very telling. It told me she was fearful of losing another year, and it told me she was most likely going to back out of the fundraiser.

That simply. Could. Not. Happen.

"You may leave now," Spencer said. He sighed and leaned back against the chair, rubbing his temple as he did so.

Noelle and I got up and left. When the door shut behind us, Noelle practically ran off.

"Noelle, wait!"

She halted in her tracks. By the time I came around, Noelle was fuming. She was tapping her foot impatiently, and I had I feeling if I said anything, she would bite my head off.

"What?" she snapped.

I was slightly taken aback, but I quickly recovered. "So, what are we going to do?"

Noelle was silent for a very long time. _Come on, say something, please . . . _

"I don't know. I-I guess we can do the weekend party, but . . . Reed, Hathaway is right; I don't want to risk school again." Noelle looked defeated and like a little school girl.

I had to do something. I had to occupy myself with this fundraiser, or I would die (figuratively). I had to do this so I could forget my attempted murder, my impending nightmares, and the emotional heartaches. So I did the only thing I could do: drop a major bomb shell.

"Noelle, look, in Hathaway's office, there is a folder with _Billings_ written on it. It's jam packed with papers, and I saw once before; it was in his briefcase. I asked him about it, and he was so shady about it." I could sense Noelle rapidly paying attention, so I continued.

"Something is wrong, Noelle."

My hoped were raised to the highest bar, and I silently prayed that Noelle would see something in this. Perhaps she would see reason to continue the Billings mission.

"Hmph. Well, you got me there, Glass-Licker. So tell me, how exactly did you find out?"

I fought the urge to jump up and down from happiness.

"So I was going to the library . . ."

* * *

**Thank you guys for reviewing. Goodness, I'm such a whiny bitch. **

**Sorry about the length, and please forgive me for any mistakes. I honestly did this in one day, so it's obviously not the best work. I just realized Fanfiction doesn't allow this *** anymore to indicate that time has passed, so, sorry. I know it can be confusing because a lot of my chapters included those. **


	23. Colorful

Colorful

"I'm sorry, but why am I dressed up as a trashy, gothic girl?"

I was currently in Astrid's room while I was being decorated as the "typical party girl" from England. I was wearing a loose shirt with a random name of a band on my shirt, a pretty skimpy skirt with lace tights on, black army boots, and a heavy necklace which was hurting my neck.

Astrid gasped and mockingly put her hand over her chest. "I'm deeply offended," she said, finalizing my hair with a sharp tug. It hurt tremendously, but I decided not to say anything. If there was something I would not do, it was annoy Astrid.

We were going to party number three, and all of the Billings girls were getting dressed. Headmaster Hathaway had banned all of our parties; so this time, we were starting things a little different.

Hathaway most likely knew were going to try because there was increased security all over campus. We told all the party members to arrive in groups and leave at separate times. By doing so, we hoped Hathaway wasn't going to notice anything. Also, the only way to get to the party was to walk across the field, which was as ostentatious as it could be.

"Astrid, please, how am I going to walk across with this heavy, ugly outfit? I mean, I don't get why you're making such a big deal about–"

"This outfit is sheer, fucking brilliance! You, my dear, look like a girl getting ready for dub-ness!" Astrid exclaimed. She clapped her hands in earnest, and forced me to get up. Astrid was making all these comments of dub and spliff and partying all night long. I didn't get what she was saying half the time.

After Astrid was done collecting her items, we ended up walking across the hall to Tiffany's room. Constance was already there, looking like an Edie Sedgwick vision. Tiffany was also dressed as a funky girl, although her outfit looking _normal_, as opposed to mine. To the side, I saw Amberly and her annoying self sitting in the corner, fixing her blonde hair.

As I waited for the girls to finish their make-up, I decided to text Sawyer, asking him if he was going to the party. The reply was a _no_.

I frowned and quickly replied back, asking him why he wasn't going. His answer was long and final.

**I'm the headmaster's son, and he said not to go. Besides, I don't want to go to these parties anymore. I'm tired of them. **

His curt response made me a little sad and angry. Sawyer was always judgmental and moody. Why couldn't he just go along with everyone else and have fun?

"Ready?" Constance asked.

"Yep," I said. "I told Noelle I would meet with her first. I guess after you see me walk across the field, just go. Tell everyone else that."

The girls nodded their agreement, with the exception of Amberly, and I went ahead, my horrendous boots making loud noises. I put on a long, black coat, letting it cover my body. It was six o'clock, and it would take at least two hours to get to the party.

I looked side to side, watching for any guards. It was eerily quiet; it seemed as if everyone was silently getting ready, aside from all the freshmen. Stealthy, I power walked, not wanting to get caught. Once I had reached the soccer field, my pace quickened, and I walked on the edges of the field. It was kind of odd that I had yet to see any security men.

I took a sharp left into the forest. This setting was making me feel uneasy, with its darkness and looming trees. Nonetheless, I walked, somewhat grateful for Astrid's ghetto boots. By now, I figured, some of the Billings girls probably left. Slowly, Noelle's graceful body could be seen along with a black limo. Several others were lined up also.

"You're looking shady," she remarked. She, too, was wearing a long trench coat.

"I did the best I could," was all I could say. Noelle nodded.

"Did anyone follow you?"

"Nope. I didn't see any security guards, and I told the girls to leave once they saw me leave the soccer field." I furiously rubbed my hands together, trying to keep them warm. She complied and we went inside.

There was a bottle of champagne ready and glasses. I felt like we were going to Legacy, but one look at the outfit told me I wasn't. "So, we're going to wait for everyone else?"

"That's generally the plan," said Noelle, smirking. "Let's just hope nobody gets caught." I nodded my agreement, and a round of silence swept over us.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Noelle finally asked. Grimly, I looked down at my clothes and shrugged.

"It was Astrid's idea."

She just laughed and shook her head. "Tonight is going to be . . . fun."

* * *

We were at a warehouse. A big, old warehouse. It had a musky smell, as if people had been here a lot and the sweat was a part of the building. It was completely dark, although there were some lights. The music, on the other hand, was weird and it made me feel . . . odd. The whole scene was crazy and out of this world.

I was, yet again, sitting by myself. Well, not really – I would have sat, but all the red couches were covered with people I didn't know. I had a suspicious feeling they were doing drugs. So, I resorted to leaning against the wall, watching the lights flicker above and watching everyone dance.

"Reed! Come over here! Dance with us!" Astrid yelled. She and Trey were grinding all over each other, despite not publically announcing their relationship.

"No thanks!" I yelled over the loud music. I continued to stand there with arms crossed. I was unbelievably bored. After several minutes of loathing the party, my thoughts went to sad, depressing ones.

I was still having trouble sleeping even though Noelle gave me some sleeping pills. Honestly, I didn't want to get attached to them like my mother had been. Besides, if I really wanted to get rid of my dreams, then I should get therapy or talk to a close friend. The problem was, I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell everyone.

And then I had problems with Josh and Sawyer. I wasn't speaking to Josh, and the unanswered questions just kept getting unanswered. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to talk to him. Letting everything go was a wonderful idea.

Sawyer was now in the way. He and I hadn't made any considerable advances toward each other, and I was still debating whether or not I had an attraction to him. We both had a lot of similarities and I trusted him more than anyone else.

On top of all of these predicaments, there was something sinister going on with Ivy, Josh, and the Billings folder. After I had told Noelle my theory, she laughed and said it was impossible.

"Reed! Hey!" I heard someone say. My thoughts went to the back of my head, and as I turned around, I saw a very drunk girl coming at me. I had no idea who she was.

"Hi," I said, my confusion apparent. Who was this girl?

"Come here!" she said, dragging my arm along with her. Immediately, I was propelled into the dance floor. The nameless girl had amazing strength, and even though I tried to release my arm from her hand, it wouldn't budge. Instantly, I started panicking. Was she the girl who threw me in the middle of the street?

We passed hundreds of people, and everyone seemed oblivious to us. Well, they seemed oblivious to their surroundings regardless. Finally, after much wait, the girl stopped dragging me and threw me inside a room. Naturally, it was dark. There was a haze of smoke covering the entire room, and I coughed several times.

"Where the hell am I?" I asked, beyond scared for my life.

As I looked around, I saw people lying and sitting about, talking in hushed tones. I saw a huge table with . . . bongs? White powder and rolled up pieces of paper? Pills?

Ohmigod, what should I do? Should I call the cops? Should I–

"Reed, sit over here." I whipped my head to the side and saw none other than Hunter. I rolled my eyes in frustration. Did he want me to take drugs again? This man needed to stop ASAP.

His red shot eyes tried to invite me in, but I was repulsed by the sight in front of me. "Um . . . that's OK. I-I'll just, you know, go." In a failed attempt, I tried to turn around and leave, but my way was blocked by a heavy-set man. Gulp.

All of a sudden, a pair of warm hands circled around my waist. I yelped a little, but the person held on tight. "Come on, don't be scared," Hunter said, his voice throaty and husky. "Just sit down and relax a little. I simply wanted to see you, that's all." _It's OK, Reed. Just pretend you're having fun and then you can leave._

With that notion, I let Hunter lead the way and push me down on the sofa. It reeked of some horrid substance, and I fought the urge to choke. The smoke wafted up to my nose, and it burned. To my dismay, Hunter decided to wrap his arms around me and bring himself closer. I tried not to show him any discomfort.

"So," a girl from across the room drawled out. "I heard you almost got run over by a bus recently," she said. Memories of that night, which was not too long ago, started creep up. I didn't want to tell this random girl who was fucking her boyfriend on his lap _anything_.

"It wasn't a bus, it was a truck," I said in a small voice. I shuddered at the thought of almost dying.

"Mercedes, stop being a bitch and leave her alone," Hunter said. His grip tightened around me, but I was grateful that he made her shut up.

The girl, Mercedes, scoffed. "I'm not being a bitch; I'm just asking a question. Besides, she looks like a train wreck after all the near death experiences," she said with an _s_. She looked at me directly in the eye and smirked, all the while lifting a rolled up piece of paper. She moved it side to side, taunting and trying to tempt me.

"That's a good idea," Hunter eventually said. "Xavier, pass it over." The man named Xavier, who strongly resembled a blonde _Harry Potter_ character, gave Hunter a metal case. Hunter reached over to retrieve it. He smiled as he brought it over, and when he opened it up, I couldn't help but gasp.

There was tons of weed in there, all lined up in a perfect fashion. I was shocked and repulsed. Without even thinking, I got up, only to be pulled back down. Hunter's burning eyes were looked up at me, and I had the urge to scream out loud.

Keeping a fixated eye, he took one out from the metal case. In a fluid and practiced motion, he got the weed lighted and was already savoring the sweetness. "Reed, just once, and you'll feel like you've never felt before."

Defiantly, I shook my head. "N-no, it's alright." I stopped and sneezed, only to find out how much my lungs were burning up. "C-can I leave now?"

"No can do," a guy said. He was sitting on the couch across from us, his girlfriend snorting some coke right next to him. He had a smug look on his face.

"Please?" Hunter begged, his warm breath tickling my neck.

I thought about it. I didn't necessarily need to smoke the weed; I could just fake it. Once I did, I could act really high and leave. It wasn't that hard, right? All I had to do was put it really close to my mouth and follow whatever Hunter did.

"Sure," I squeaked out. Patiently, I waited for Hunter to give me a joint. Instead, he took the one from his mouth and handed it over to me.

"Here you go, sweetheart."

Feeling a sick amount of dread, I slowly brought it up to my mouth. The smoke came out from the end of the joint, and it was already making me woozy. One, two, five seconds passed and I had yet to pretend I was doing it. Hunter was intently watching.

"I think she needs some help," a girl beside me said. Where the hell did she come from? Without warning, the girl took the joint from me and shoved it inside my mouth. I whimpered in protest, but the girl kept a strong hold on my mouth and the joint. The smoke was covering the inside of my mouth, and if I didn't inhale it soon enough, I would die coughing.

So I did it.

The girl whispered to me, telling me I was doing a great job, but I hated myself every passing second. I wanted to cry. She was torturing me, and after she thought I had enough, she pulled the substance back.

I didn't know what happened after that.

All I remembered was that I left the room, high and disorientated, walking in random areas. I was obviously not in the main dancing area, which I was thankful for. I was feeling extremely calm, yet paranoid, if it was even possible. My head was throbbing all over, and at times, I would get really dizzy.

"Reed?"

The soft voice of an angel instantly made me feel at peace. I turned around, finding a confused Josh. Suddenly, all my deep feelings for Josh tumbled over, and I wanted to kiss him forever. I wanted to touch him without feeling guilty. Just for tonight, I wanted all of him.

I came over and swopped him up, kissing him full in the mouth. He seemed surprised at my onslaught, but nonetheless, I continued. I had a feeling Josh was a little buzzed from the alcohol, but for the most part, he seemed OK.

"Reed, what are you doing?" he asked, slightly pushing me away. Gently, he took me inside a room, which looked like a storage room. There were boxes lined up, and for a split second, I thought I could lie down on them; they appeared so soft.

I looked up at Josh's green eyes, unsure of anything. In an agonizing pace, I came over to Josh and rested my hands on his chest and whispered, "I . . . I just . . . want to feel something. Anything. You. Please," I begged.

Josh gave me a pained look, and he bit his plump lips. And then, he brought his face down and crushed his lips against mine, pulling me closer and closer until we reached the point of no return.

We pulled and tugged each other, trying to tame our feelings. Josh and I whispered words we had yet to say. Each caress brought me nearer to Josh in ways I had never been able to do before. Each breath, each pant, each word of adoration made us ache for more. And yet . . .

And yet, we were ruining ourselves by the very thought of it.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all for reviewing. Please forgive me for any mistakes. I was in a hurry, and after feeling guilty for not updating in forever, I've decided to put this up. I'm kind of not proud of this chapter, but... whatever. **

**Don't forget to check out the playlist for this party, if you're into dub. :) **


	24. Shadow

Shadow

"Guys, you all have to be quiet. You'll have to wait to leave until you see us gone, OK?" explained Noelle. She was a little frustrated; everyone was flat out drunk and high. Nobody was paying any real attention, and I knew it was going to be hard for us to get through without any problems.

It didn't help I was completely stoned over and feeling like a whore.

"The other group has yet to come, Noelle. They should know by now," I said, tired. My words poured out like a jumbled mess. Gage, Trey, and a few others who knew the drill were with the other group of people.

"Fine, let's go," Noelle said.

There were mostly juniors and seniors in our group. Most of the Billings girls were also in our group; over to the side, I could hear Constance vomiting, and everyone said _gross_ and _ew_ in their drunken voices. I, however, was too upset with myself to say anything, let alone think. We began to walk, me trying very hard not to sit down and cry over what happened tonight. I felt disgusting. I wish it was fake; I wish it never happened.

"I wondered where you guys were at," I heard. Instantly, I snapped out of my thoughts and saw none other than Headmaster Hathaway himself. He was smiling, and he had about a dozen security guards around him. I gulped.

"Shit, we're so screwed," a drunken Missy said. Next to her, Lorna began to laugh incessantly.

"Yes, you are. Follow me, students," Headmaster Hathaway said in his calm voice. Over to the side, I saw Noelle frantically texting, most likely telling the other group of people to find another route to go through. At least she was being nice enough to warn them.

Several people groaned and moaned, each of them upset about a hangover and a good night's sleep. Noelle and I were practically leading the group. She kept on giving me sideways glances, and for a split second, I saw fear in her eyes. I quickly realized Noelle might lose her time at school again, all because of me.

We kept walking, and to my horror, I realized we were heading towards the chapel. Hathaway's guards opened the door, and we were pushed inside. The security guys told us to sit down, each of them ordering us to sit in certain places. We were all spread out; for a second, I felt I was in the in-house room at my hometown school.

I was sitting in the back row, next to some juniors and a distraught Kiki. Feeling thoroughly exhausted, I rested my head back, momentarily closing my eyes. When everyone had settled, I heard Hathaway speak.

"It seems like you guys want to stay up all night. All right then – so be it. Let's keep you up until dawn, and," here, he paused and mockingly looked at his Rolex, "an extra seven hours you guys thought you could party without my consent.

"Have fun."

He left with half of the security guys, and the room immediately became hushed, everyone scared. Poor Constance was still having a retching fit, and she puked again, the room instantly smelling of nasty bile. She was sobbing and my heart went out to her.

Suddenly, I saw a burly security guard bring a mop and a bucket of water. Menacingly, he stared at Constance who was hunched over and said, "Clean it up."

Everyone gasped. Hathaway wasn't lying; he fully intended to make this hell for us. Constance was shaking as she looked up at the guy. He simply extended his arm out and handed off the supplies. She was choking back her tears. But in the end, she cleaned it all up.

My state of mind flitted between sleeping and not sleeping, and thinking about the dreaded night. Even though I had the drugs forced down in my throat, everything that had happened between Josh was real. We had sex in a smelly room in a warehouse. He even uttered that he loved me.

But me? I felt downright horrible. Slutty. First off, I planned to sever all ties with Josh, but lo and behold – my stupidity got the better of me. And worse, we had made love, so to say, and it left me broken. It was only the second time I had done it, but this . . . ruined me. It was as if he made a promise, a deep and powerful promise, but a promise he couldn't keep. _We_ couldn't keep.

Other questions surround me. Was Josh still with Ivy, or were they taking a break? What did this mean for Josh and I? What would everyone think?

Snapping out of my thoughts, I glanced back at the chapel clock and saw that it was a quarter past four. Hathaway said he wasn't going to let us go until we fulfilled the number of hours we were gone; therefore, we weren't leaving until eleven in the morning, with no food or water or a good night's sleep.

"Sir, may I get a drink of water?" a throaty voice asked. I followed the sound and saw that it came from Astrid, who was looking done for. She looked up at the security guard in sad, hopeful eyes. The man was holding a bottle of water.

He remained quiet.

"Sir?" Astrid asked again. The chapel was quiet, save for a few snores, but all eyes were fixated on Astrid and the security guard. He, yet again, failed to give a response. Any time now, Astrid was going to explode. Which she did.

"Fuck you!" she screamed. "My bloody throat hurts, my head hurts, and you're not going to be nice enough and give me water! Wanker! You're an absolute wanker!" Astrid went over to the guy and vehemently took the bottle, draining the entire bottle in less than ten seconds. Giving a tight smirk, Astrid sauntered towards the two wooden doors, getting ready to leave.

Then, all of a sudden, a man by the door grabbed for Astrid and single handedly took her out of the room. Everyone gaped at the onslaught, too shocked to even utter a sound. To the side, I saw Noelle shaking her head in disbelief.

Hathaway was an ass.

* * *

Come eleven o'clock, everyone in the chapel was gone. My throat felt as if I had sandpaper shoved down, and my limbs were exhausted. By the time we left, it was lunch time, so I went out to Pemberly and decided to take a shower. I was filthy, I smelled like weed, and after my encounter with Josh, I really needed a bath.

So, trying to make sure I didn't fall on my butt from sheer exhaustion, I made my way through the quad and up Pemberly's crappy stairs, gathering my toiletries from my room and heading to the showers. Immediately, I got in, putting it on full blast.

Letting the hot water soothe my aching muscles in places that hadn't been before, I wondered how I should deal with my predicaments. Who exactly were those people who tried to make me get high? Of course, I knew Hunter and Mercedes, but out of all people, they wanted to hang out with me? I tried to think back to my experience and how many people were there. I had a disgusting feeling that the same person who failed to kill me in the middle of the road was at it again.

And then Josh. What the hell was I thinking? I knew for a fact the effects of the drugs were long gone by the time I reached Josh's arm, so why didn't I move? Did I want it? No, not really. Not after everything that had happened. So what was wrong with me?

I shut the shower off after a very long time. As I made a move to get out of the shower, I heard some voices. My clothes were hanging in the other shower stall, and I didn't want to change right in front of them. So, I opted for an extra minute of waiting to get out.

"Did you hear about those guys who got caught from the party?" a girl asked. Her voice sounded familiar.

Someone, her friend, snorted. "I'm so glad I'm not part of that group. Pretty much all the people who are usually invited to Legacy went; it's a shame, really. They always talk about how none of it is for Billings, but hello bitches! You lied." With a jolt, I realized the person was Ivy. I stood stark still, not sure if I should come out or stay.

Ivy's friend laughed. "Well, it seems that Hathaway was like, going crazy over that. After he got all the people in the chapel, he and his security guards went to every room and checked to see if anyone else wasn't there. Rumor has it, his perfect little boy Sawyer helped him out. And it seems like the rest of the people who didn't get caught the first time are going to get punished. Real bad."

I digested the information. I didn't understand that Hathaway was such an intense person. He wasn't lying about watching us. Ivy's friend began to talk, so I focused my attention to her.

"Didn't Josh go? And what's up with you guys? I thought you were going out with him."

Closing my eyes, I tried very hard not to think about last night. _Please, not right now, _I chanted.

"Yeah, Josh went. I guess he's one of the later people. As for your other question, no, we're not together." Ivy sighed. "It's not a big deal or anything. We just sort of fell apart."

My heart stopped for second, I think. I sighed mentally, thanking whatever deity was out there. At least I wasn't a relationship-wrecker. But still, none of it felt right. I felt as if I was getting consumed with drama and never ending decisions to make.

Tonight, I decided, I was going to finish things once and for all.

* * *

Half of the school was gone. Those who came later from the party were now being punished. I assumed they also had hangovers, but they seemed normal when I saw then cleaning the entire school. Aside from the grumbling.

Everyone at school was staring at us. A distressed Noelle came over and told me that even though she wasn't going to get kicked out of school, the final three parties were in serious jeopardy. She said the Billings Alumni were working things out, and apparently, the Billings fundraiser website was selling items by the second.

Come eight in the evening, I went over the Ketlar to sort things out between Josh and I. I was shaking head to toe, and to be honest, I had no idea what I was going to say. I was even sure if I wanted to sever all ties with Josh in the first place. Regardless, I had to speak with him and clear things up.

Thankfully, when I went to Ketlar, not many guys were there. I went up the elevator and quickly got off, not wanting to wait time. I stopped in front of Josh's room, my heart beating erratically. I wasn't even sure if he was all by himself.

One, two, three, twenty seconds . . .

"Reed?"

I jumped at the sound of my name. I turned around and saw a baffled Josh peering right at me. He had books in his hand, and it certainly didn't help that he looked completely irresistible. Josh looked nervous and unsure.

He didn't wait for me to respond; instead, Josh went over to his door and slowly opened it, letting me through. I noticed the large amount of space between us, and I was thankful for it. However, this showed me he wasn't the only one with second thoughts.

Languidly, I went inside. My head started to get itchy due to my nervousness, and I was getting unbearably hot. Josh and I didn't speak as he dropped his books on his desk and sat down on his bed. I stood up, not having a single clue as to what I should do. Slowly, I sank down on Trey's bed.

"You're obviously not here for a chat," Josh said. He gave a tiny scoff and looked at me in the eye. I, in response, gave a tortured look back.

"Josh . . . whatever happened wasn't . . ." I paused, trying to think. It wasn't what?

"Real?" he supplied. His voice dripped with anger, yet there was a certain sad feeling about it. Oh God, I was so close to crying. Why, I didn't know, but I was.

I didn't know what to say. Really, I didn't. Why was I here? Did I want to end things with Josh forever? No, not exactly. I still wanted to be able to talk to him and not have any awkward silences. But romantically . . . I was unsure. I felt like we were trying too hard to go back the way we were. Despite everything, we had changed. Everything that happened in between us was destroying us. We just couldn't.

"Josh . . . I – I think we should . . ."

"Breakup?"

His question silenced me. I looked up into Josh's lovely greenish-blue eyes, finding an eerie calm. It seemed as if he was expecting it.

"Yeah," I finally answered. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. My breathing increased dramatically, and I fought hard not to pass out. And cry. I hadn't intended for this conversation to turn this way, but it did. I felt cowardly, knowing all too well that _that_ was what was running through the back of my mind.

"Can I ask . . . why? We weren't dating to begin with . . . I mean, I wasn't the best person given our circumstances, but . . ." Josh glanced at me, his entire posture sagging. "I thought you wanted to fix this. _I_ wanted to fix us. I was never sure, though. You said stuff . . . Everything just hung in the air, unfinished.

"And what happened at the party?" Josh asked, no doubt wondering why I jumped on him to have sex.

He was right. I left many things incomplete, and it was what ruined us. I forgot over and over again, caught up in my drama and my confused emotions, and I had failed to be a proper adult. Ignoring Josh was a horrible idea. And yes, I was extremely grateful for the fact that he saved me from the middle of the road, but none of it added up. This . . . couldn't be.

On top of that, how was I going to explain to Josh that I was high on drugs? Would he believe me? Or worse, would he tell me to go to the police? For now, I decided, I wasn't going to say anything. The important thing was to explain to him that I couldn't be with him anymore.

"I'm sorry. I think I wanted you – us – but we were different. Finding excuses was . . . easy," I began. Josh was silent, waiting for me to continue. "It was nice – wonderful, even, when we were together. But not anymore. And you were with Ivy, and I didn't know if you guys were still dating or whatever." Sighing, I collapsed on the bed, the weight of world getting to me.

"Sometimes, you need to move on and forget the past. Sometimes, it hurts like a mother. But please, Josh, please don't let this get in the way of your life. This is my choice. You're a great guy, but not . . . now," I finished softly.

Josh scoffed. "Don't say that. Just don't," he said bleakly. Josh raised his head up and looked straight at me. "I wish we can go back the way we were. You're right though, as usual. I fucked everything up. I should be sorry; I really am."

I shook my head. "Don't be. I guess we're both to blame." Sighing, I said, "It takes two to–"

"Create _the_ heartbreak of the century?"

Smiling with a bit of sadness touched with it, I said, "The nicest goodbye between – us?"

My comment sounded a bit mean and irresponsible to Josh's feelings, but he just grinned back and said, "Sure."

I didn't know what washed over me. Was it relief? Maybe. Was I completely sad and beyond upset that this was over? Oh, yes. But was it worth it? I thought so.

"But you didn't answer my other question," Josh stated. I froze, trying to remember which one. Blankly, I stared right back at him. He gave me a look of 'you know what' as I tried to remember.

Oh . . .

What was I going to say to him? I had to think of a careful response. Part of the reason why I didn't want to tell him to truth was that it would give him and I false hope, and prior to our "alone time", I was on drugs.

"My past mistakes are mistakes. Whatever happens from this point onwards matters." Wanting to end this conversation, I quickly got up and slowly walked over to Josh. Outstretching my hand, I smiled to let him know everything was going to be alright.

Josh gave me a pained look before he got up, molding his soft hand with mine. Then, all of a sudden, he crushed my body with his. My heart jolted, afraid he was going to kiss me, but Josh just held me there. It felt comfortable, and after a while, I relaxed. We stayed there for a long time, neither of us moving, Josh keeping a tight hold on me.

"Once you leave this room . . ."

_It'll be over,_ I silently finished. _But it's also the start of something else._

* * *

It had been less than a minute after I had left Josh's room, and I was a mess. My limbs were shaking uncontrollably. It really was over. No more having Josh in my arms, no more having the only man I truly loved.

Right now, I was sitting on the emergency stairs, not wanting to draw attention to myself by almost crying in the elevator. My ragged breathing was bouncing off the walls. I kept on telling myself everything was for the better, but my mind and soul still needed to adjust to that concept.

Out of nowhere, the door banged open, and in came Sawyer, flushed red and grinning from ear to ear. At the sight of me, he immediately stopped smiling and sobered up. I turned away, ashamed at myself. I didn't want him to see me like this, and I certainly didn't want to burden him with my drama.

"Reed? Are you OK?" Immediately, Sawyer came down and sat by me. I shook my head.

"Sawyer, everything is fine. Just go back or something," I lied. In reality, I didn't want him to leave. But being the selfish person I was, my statement was anything but convincing.

Sawyer scoffed. "Yeah right. C'mon, you can tell me. Besides, the elevators aren't working for some reason, and I hate going up the stairs, so I can't go back." He smiled and nudged my shoulder. "It'll make you feel better."

I only shook my head again. "No."

He shrugged. "Fine by me. I'll just wait, then."

So he – we – waited. We sat and sat, Sawyer patiently sitting next to me. But as time went by, I realized something. Even though I was hurting tremendously at my decision, I was just upset over the fact that I didn't know what the future entailed. Everything was done between Josh and I, and for the past year and a half, our relationship was what kept me alive.

But now, looking at a patient and somber Sawyer, I understood _exactly_ what the future was going to be like.

It was going to be like this. Perfect. Peaceful. Knowing. Just us.

* * *

**A/N: Many thanks to my reviewers. **

**The magic number is... 30 chapters! I'm trying really hard to get this done, so bear with me. Also, what do you guys think of the breakup? OK? Bad?**


	25. Mensa

Mensa

"_Shut up. Let's take her outside, shall we? Hopefully she'll be quiet by then."_

_Fear, panic . . . _

_"I think it's time we show her how worthless she is, right? Bye, bitch."_

_St. Barth's, beaches, expensive clothing . . . Billings . . ._

_Why does that voice sound so familiar?_

_Why does it feel like I'm being crushed?_

I awoke with a jolt, my entire body sweating. This was the first nightmare I had in a few weeks, but for some reason, I felt this dream was trying to tell me something. The sleeping pills which Noelle graciously gave to me were hidden in my bottom drawer, and I did not want to use them anymore. I realized I was becoming my mother, who spent hours and days passed out, so I quit.

Shaking my head and trying to understand what my dream was telling me, I got up and went to scrub my face off. I was still tired; the breakup between Josh and I was wearing me out, not to mention my dream. I managed to avoid everyone as I took care of myself; I was not in the mood to speak with anyone.

Trudging along Easton's campus, I found everybody up and about more than usual. I made my way into the dining hall and saw that the entire Billings table was full. Puzzled and skipping breakfast, I went straight to my friends. They were all huddled and talking in hushed tones.

"What's going on?" I asked as I came nearer. I sat down by Portia and Rose, glancing around the table.

"Hathaway's banning the final fundraiser," said Rose.

"What?"

"Yeah," supplied Lorna. "I'm beginning to hate this man." The rest of the girls began murmuring their mutual dislike. I glanced around the table and saw Noelle, stoically staring at everyone. She caught my eye and gave me a knowing look.

Noelle stood up, fixed her Michael Kors blazer and said, "Reed, let's get some meat on your bones. Are you coming?" Her head tilted off to the breakfast line; all of the Billings girls eyed us curiously. I nodded and went off, trying to ignore the stares.

"Noelle?" I asked as we went over to where the fruits and vegetables were at. "What's really going on?"

She ignored me and retrieved a red apple, a loud crunch following her dramatic bite. "Spencer's trying to stop the party. But _we_ are going to make sure it doesn't happen." Noelle took another bite and got a tray, handing it off to me.

"How are we going to do that?"

Noelle smirked and said, "I'm going to invite all the prominent Billings alumnae and argue with him, but we have a dilemma." Here, she dumped a muffin, a bag of chips, and chocolate milk onto the tray; I never ate this stuff. Regardless, I followed her as she went to the vending machines.

"All right . . . what kind of dilemma?"

"I lost the numbers and all the contact information for all of the Billings alumnae. Therefore, I need you to raid Hathaway's office tonight and get the folder. Oh, and make copies because we can't have him–"

"No!" I all but shouted out. I stopped in my tracks, fully outraged. "You can't just expect me to waltz into his office and steal stuff! And shouldn't you have all the contact information anyway?"

"Calm down," Noelle hissed. She dragged my arm and pulled me to the side. "And no, I don't have the contact numbers because I'm the unofficial president, so I wasn't given the disk. The last meeting, I called Daddy and he did everything as a guilty favor. Now, I have to do everything on my own, and you're going to help me."

Defiantly, I shook my head. "Nope. Not a chance. Breaking and entering was pre-Billings, but this? No way." I began to walk when suddenly I felt my arm being tugged from behind.

"You can't just walk away from me, Glass-Licker." She kept a firm hold on my arm and gave me a deathly stare. "You're going to do this no matter what. Besides," Noelle said, loosening her grip, "I trust you the most. Keep that in mind, will you?" She released my arm and raised an eyebrow, waiting for my answer.

If Noelle didn't look so scary when she wanted a job done, I would have said no. If Noelle hadn't said that awfully nice statement, I still would have said no. Alas, I was a weak person. "Fine."

"Now there's the Glass-Licker I know and love."

* * *

I was scared. I had a lot at stake here, as opposed to the newbie at Easton who was vying for the Billings girls' attention. If I messed up even a little bit, I was eternally screwed. So here I was, standing in front of Hell Hall, trying very hard not to scream and leave the place.

Experience told me I had to go over to the side and go through the windows. It took me a few tries, and finally, I was granted access. Quickly, I found out that I had no area to place my feet at. There were zero cabinets around the window section; how was I going to do this?

Alright then, I was going to jump down and make as little noise as possible. Precariously, I tried to turn around and have my back face the room, but I almost tripped trying to turn around. I was still perched on the window sill. Crap. I was stuck.

I closed my eyes and tried to conjure up how the superheroes Scott watched fell down with ease. The only character who came up in my mind was Batman. So, spreading out my arms, I jumped down, biting my lip to stop from screaming. My ankles buckled beneath me, and they hurt. I hoped I didn't sprain my ankle.

After a quick inspection, I found that I was OK. My eyes scanned around to see if there was any damage around the receptionist's, but there wasn't, so I went to the headmaster's room. It was unlocked, much to my surprise. I waited for about a minute, checking for any noises; it was silent.

_Click_. The room was cool and dark, but the moon was fully out, covering the office with silver light. I shut the door behind me and looked around. The shelves were covered with books, so I went to the filing cabinets. The _B_ part of the cabinet was in the second shelf; I opened it up. Every single folder in there was huge. It was time to get to work.

Most of the files weren't labeled, so it was a pain in the ass flipping through a million pieces of papers. Eventually, I found the file, which was tucked away in the back. I sighed with relief, thanking the gods of breaking and entering. Now, all I had to do was make copies as silently as I could. As I went to put the rest of the files back, another one caught my eye.

That was it. It was here; it was the shady Billings folder that everyone seemed to be afraid of. This was the folder Ivy, Josh and Headmaster Hathaway refused to show me.

Not wanting to waste anymore time (and my curiosity getting the better of me), I yanked the folder out. This one was the largest one yet. My heart drummed beneath my ribs, and my hands were shaking. Glancing at the clock, I realized I had been here for a long time. Hurriedly, I tried to read everything inside.

_Date: December 29, 2009_

This was after winter break, while I was stranded on the island. Why would they have meetings during their break?

_Meeting #3_

_Officials: Cathy Jane Berger and Brett K. Wilhelm._

_Witness: Joshua Hollis, Ivy Slade._

I felt as if I had been shot in the back. My suspicions were correct; Ivy and Josh were a part of this. They were a part of tearing Billings down. Ohmigod.

But why?

I read some more, and I found out that Josh and Ivy gave "testimonies", giving the board members enough evidence to tear Billings down. There were newspaper clippings of both Ariana and Sabine, their seemingly innocent faces plastered on the paper. I shuddered and flipped the paper; Thomas's handsome face covered the next page. A broken sigh escaped me, and I quickly turned the page.

Along with that, I saw many papers of former Billings girls, their antics all recorded down. There were cases of extreme hazing, bullying and late night favors with some of the teachers. All of their dirty secrets were in this folder.

So this was why they reduced Billings to a pile of rubble. We, the perfect girls, were full of drama. We, the girls who ruled Easton, were deemed unworthy by the board. People hated us. We were the breakdown of high society,and we were a threat. But were we?

The board thought so. Josh and Ivy thought so. It seemed like the entire school thought so, too.

It was time I got some answers.

* * *

I had managed to give a happy Noelle the file late that night. I didn't tell her about my discovery, but I was planning to save my anger for Josh and Ivy.

I didn't know _why_ I was so angry with them. It wasn't such a big deal. We were rebuilding Billings, and their treachery was no longer a problem. Their project failed because we were strong enough to work for something we loved.

But they lied. Josh and Ivy lied to me. They didn't care for me. They thought since I was partying in St. Barth's, they could tear down the one place I felt at home because they felt like it. It was unfair. Did they hate Billings so much that they were willing to rip me apart also?

Currently, all of the Billings alumnae were again inside the chapel. We were forced to leave and go to class. I guess it was part of our week long punishment. It was lunch right now, and the weather had gotten considerably nicer, so Constance and I were sitting outside.

"So, Whit was totally stoked to go to the party, you know? He kept on telling me I was doing a great job and all that." She paused and took a tiny bite from her veggie sandwich. "And now, that horrid man who made me puke the entire time is saying no to our parties! Mr. Hathaway is officially _not_ the coolest headmaster."

I laughed. "It's OK. Noelle's sorting everything out, and you can go to the party and do whatnot with Whit," I said. Constance barely did anything for this fundraiser; at least, not as much as Noelle and I.

"'Do whatnot with Whit'? What are you implying, missy?" Constance mocked. "In case if you're wondering, nothing out of the ordinary. Except . . ."

Immediately, I tuned Constance out because I saw Ivy walking all by herself. Now was it; this was my chance to confront her. "Uh, Constance, I'll talk to you later. I have something to do."

Ignoring Constance's protests, I speed walked to Ivy. She saw me and slowed down her stride, smiling at me. "Hey!"

Scoffing, I said, "Don't 'hey' me after lying to me for the longest time. Were you ever going to tell me the truth?"

"What truth? I have no idea what you're talking about," a lying Ivy said. Her perfect eyebrows furrowed; it was clearly an act.

I shook my head and stepped closer towards Ivy. "The truth about tearing Billings down!"

In an instant, Ivy's face turned stone cold. "Shit," she drawled out.

"Yeah, shit. Here's your chance to redeem yourself, Ivy," I stated.

She sighed and leaned against the wall. "Look, we – I was forced to go there and give this firsthand account of . . . everything. They left me no choice," Ivy explained.

"You had a choice, and you know it."

A moment of silence passed us. "Look, I don't love Billings. I don't particularly hate it, either. But I wasn't going to lie just to save your asses. I told them the truth; I told them about my disastrous attempt to be a Billings girl, and I certainly didn't need to tell them about my gunshot wound."

Guilt crashed on me. I was the reason why Sabine came to school; I was the reason why Ivy got shot. However, this conversation wasn't about me feeling guilty. "So, you thought you could tear down the one thing I loved the most?" I pushed.

"Look at you! You're in love with a goddamn building! It's like a secret possession of yours! You're just like the rest of the Billings girls – always drooling over material goods. I'm glad they tore the damn thing down. You guys deserved it," she spat.

"It's not something to me, OK? It's the one place where I've felt at home and the one place where I thought I could accomplish anything–"

"'The one place you've felt at home'? You've got to be kidding," Ivy cut in. "Haven't you paused to think how they treated you when you were kicked out? What about Ariana and Thomas's murder? Sabine? Billings is all about drama and pushing people away.

"Both you and I know that."

No. Billings was everything to me. All of those glitches were just that – glitches. Despite everything, it was the one place I felt normal, like a girl. I didn't have to be ashamed of my household because my friends made me feel better. I had people who were nice enough to buy things for me, so I wouldn't feel left out. And nobody, _nobody_, was going to stop that. It wasn't about being on top or having the latest designer clothes. It was about sisterhood, and it wasn't something any outsider would ever understand.

"What are you guys arguing about?"

I snapped out of my thoughts and saw none other than Josh. What the hell was he doing here? As I looked around, there seemed to be spectators everywhere, watching our little spat.

"The bell's about to ring. Besides, you guys are causing a lot of commotion here," said Josh, laughing a bit. "I guess we should leave?"

Upon not receiving a reply back, Josh's face fell. "OK, there's clearly some tension here. What happened?"

I was about to respond when Ivy broke through. "She knows, Josh. She knows everything."

Just like Ivy, Josh's entire body went stone cold. He immediately paled and stepped forward, outstretching his hand. "Oh, man. I – I never meant to do that. Honest to God, I didn't," Josh pleaded.

I gave a disbelieving laugh and moved back. "No need to fret over this, Josh." I paused and gathered my breathing. "It's just . . . did you guys hate me so much that you wanted Billings torn down?" I asked, voicing my deepest fear. What had I done wrong to earn this?

Instantly, Ivy and Josh softened. "No, Reed, we never hated you," Ivy replied. Josh nodded in agreement.

Josh sighed and added, "We thought we were doing it for the better. We were trying to help."

It took every ounce of me not to strangle the two. How dare they think they could do whatever? How dare believe their actions were just?

I had to leave. Now.

"Doesn't seem like it," I mumbled, turning around and leaving the two behind.

If Easton and Billings and drama taught me one thing, it was this: not everything was what it seemed. I could trust no one but myself.

* * *

**A/N: Many thanks to my reviewers, although I thought we could break a hundred. No fear - we can do this! (It seems like you guys love Josh. Huh.) Many thanks to Glyndewar for beta-ing. **

**Next four chapters are the parties. Get ready...**


	26. A Taste of Sweetness

A Taste of Sweetness

_Pop! _The girls squealed in delight. London passed the glasses out to everyone as Vienna let the foam from the eight hundred dollar champagne flow out like rivers of sparkling gold. Our suitcases were packed and ready to go, as we were.

After much persuasion from the Billings alumnae, Hathaway finally agreed to let the parties continue. There were going to be adults at this party too, so not everyone was going to get as crazy. Although that was still up for debate.

Money was pouring in so fast, it made the earth spin twice over. The Billings website crashed, not to mention we ran out of items to sell. People were signing up to get to the parties by the dozens from all over the east coast. Old, prominent families were already donating to our cause. The Palace was overflowing with reservations, and the Palace staff was most likely upset that twenty-five percent of the revenue was going to us. The money we got from the smaller, riskier parties made me go dizzy.

"How about it, Reed? We will be the most famous girls of all time!" Rose exclaimed. "This fundraiser was – well, is the best thing ever. I think we should give a toast!"

The girls nodded their agreement. Rose wrapped a slender arm around my shoulders and raised her glass into the air; I was handed a glass also. "To Reed and Noelle. Many thanks to you two for working your butts off. And," Rose faced me and looked at me adoringly, "especially to Reed who has no idea how to navigate the streets of rich people. But don't worry; we're here to save you!"

Everyone began to laugh and drink from their glasses. I caught Noelle's eye and she gave me a timid smile. Over to the side, I saw Amberly huff and puff, Missy following suit, resorting to rolling her eyes instead. I had a suspicious feeling Rose was already a little tipsy; she was never this exuberant.

By the time we had reached the Palace, everyone was giggling incessantly. It was three in the afternoon on a wonderful Friday night, and already I had begun to see a few people I recognized. Gambling night was starting promptly at eight, and us girls had to get ready.

It seemed as if Noelle had secretly taken care of every single one of my needs. She had a few dresses from her own closet she wanted me to wear. Also, she and I were staying in the same, expensive Palace hotel room. I had a lot to thank for.

As we stepped out of the limousines, I couldn't help but gasp. The girls mindlessly went inside, but my eyes were fixed on admiring the beautiful hotel. It was a classic example of elegance, tipped in with a modern range of furniture and staff. I knew I looked like an idiot and a girl who just saw the Palace for the very first time.

"Are you coming, Reed? You can't stand there forever," I heard someone say.

Instantly, I turned around and found a beaming Taylor and an always glamorous Kiran. My mouth fell open; I struggled to come up with a response.

"Taylor! Kiran!" I ran up to them, dropping my bags and running forward to hug them. Taylor gave me a bone crushing hug while Kiran gracefully slipped her arms around me. She smelled wonderful.

"You look great, Reed! How've you been?" Taylor asked, linking a strong arm around mine. Kiran motioned for one of the staff members to pick up the items I dropped. I could've sworn I saw her snap at the boy.

I beamed and drank in Taylor's appearance. She looked great. "I'm fine. What about you two? Excited?"

"If excited means getting drunk off your ass and having a bit of down time with some Easton hotties, sure, why not." Kiran came over to my left side and wrapped a toned arm across my shoulder. "Besides, I'll need the drinks for tomorrow night. Dancing with a corset is not as cool as it seems."

Frowning, I asked, "I thought we weren't doing the dances? I mean, I thought we already had burlesque dancers to do that." When London and Vienna suggested that the girls auction themselves off, many of the girls refused to do so, although a couple (London and Vienna) wanted to. Noelle told us we didn't have to, for which I was thankful for, and it was up to us.

"Well, yes, you do. But I want to, and considering I'm an alumna _and_ I'm a model, we might get more money. Not to mention I get to keep that guy." Kiran winked at me and Taylor blushed at her bluntness. I was too happy to admonish her.

The girls led me inside the hotel while Noelle sorted everything out. Some of the alumnae I saw at the meetings were coming in. Ada Mason, a vibrant fifty year-old who was in charge of putting gambling night together, was already barking orders. Apparently, she jumped at the opportunity to organize gambling night; Noelle informed me that she had a weakness for poker chips, cards and losing money.

I waited to be escorted to mine and Noelle's room, and I couldn't stop myself from having my mouth hang open. The lobby was fantastic. It was light and airy, lush with extravagance. There were two winding stairs, and for a second, I imagined myself walking down with whatever dress Noelle had chosen for me, smiling and waving at everyone. This was surreal; this was great.

Finally, a handsome young man took our belongings and we were headed towards the elevators. I quickly found out that it was all cherry wood inside, and they were playing all of Bach's Cello Suites. The Palace oozed charisma and sophistication. For a minute, I was afraid I didn't belong here, but after thinking about how much I sacrificed for this, I deserved it.

We weren't in a penthouse (something Kiran expected, for she was complaining; I didn't know why), but the room was wonderful. There were two king-sized beds, one for me and one for Noelle. The luggage carrier politely dropped our suitcases on their respected area and tried to avert his eyes when Kiran bent over.

Kiran went to the side of the wall and opened a door – a closet door, it seemed. But she suddenly disappeared and said, "Taylor, get your butt over here!" Ah, now I got it. There were adjoining rooms.

Taylor sighed and gave a lopsided smile. "And to think, I'm friends with a bossy girl like her." She patted my arm and left, leaving Noelle and I to do what we wanted. I immediately collapsed on the bed, sinking in the comfort.

I looked up at the intricate ceiling and said, "Thanks a lot, Noelle. This means…so much." I got up and propped up an elbow, facing a smug Noelle. "If there's anything I can do…"

Noelle _tsk_ed me. "No, there isn't anything you can do. Although," she opened up a garment bag and smirked, "you can try this on. This here is a Carolina Herrera classic." She swiftly came over to my side and dropped the very expensive silk and georgette dress on my bed. "Try it on."

I had only been at the Palace for twenty minutes and I was already drooling. It was lovely. It was navy blue and slim and slender. The under part of the dress was form-fitting, while the georgette was rippled into perfection. It wrapped around the entire dress, the front of it looking like a loose and wavy 'X'. A thin gold belt was around the waist area, its purpose to outline whatever curves I had. It was gorgeous.

But I couldn't take it. It was too much.

"Noelle . . . I can't wear this. It must have cost a fortune, and what if . . ."

_What if something bad happens, like in Casino Night, and this million dollar dress gets ruined? _

A shudder ran through me, but if Noelle saw that, she ignored it. "Don't you dare use that phrase. If Noelle Lange ever, _ever_, gives you something, you better take. Or God forbid – I'll just leave it at that." She came over to me and smiled, opening the zipper of the dress. "Come on, now. You don't want to be late to your own party."

Feeling renewed with energy and anticipation, I knew this weekend was going to be awesome.

But I tended to be wrong.

* * *

**A/N: Many thanks to my reviewers and to Glyndewar for beta-ing. Sorry, I lied about the parties, but the next three chapters are dedicated to the fundraiser. Just four more chapters until this fic is over! **


	27. Lucky Charms

Lucky Charms

"Reed Brennan! Come over here, now!"

It was embarrassing hearing my name being thrown across a cacophony of noises – people slurping drinks, the jingle of poker chips and the hushed whispers – let alone hear it from Gage. He was losing a lot of of money in craps, and remembering my good fortune from St. Barth's, he decided to be an idiot and call me from four tables down.

I raised my head up to see where he was at. Gage was looking as if he was going to die any second now. He caught my eye and (embarrassingly) motioned for me to come over. I had no choice but to go.

Trying to find a way through the narrow areas, I quickly made my way through and went to Gage's table. I looked around and saw a lot of the Easton boys there. Much to my surprise, Sawyer was there with Graham, joking around and laughing. I smiled once I approached the table, standing next to Gage. Sawyer's eyes brightened considerably and he waved to me, then focused his attention back at the game.

"What is it?" I asked. I was a little annoyed because I was enjoying my time with the St. Mary's students who came down to New York just to party. They were fun.

Gage pulled me closer, and I cringed. He ignored my protests, leaned forward and retrieved the dice. His hand clenched around the small cubes and he brought it up to my face. "You know the drill."

Rolling my eyes, I blew a kiss and turned my attention elsewhere. Sawyer was looking at me and I smiled, acknowledging his presence, when suddenly, I heard yelps. It seemed that my good luck had returned for the night. Gage was jumping up and down; he even gave me a hug. I wasn't too happy.

"Alright, so I should go . . ." I trailed off, hoping he got the idea.

"Yeah, yeah, do whatever . . . I'm on a roll, baby!" He high-fived a neighboring old man who was doing a hell of a lot better than Gage and kissed a random girl beside him, earning a glare from the well-off man.

I shook my head and proceeded to leave. When I turned around, I saw Sawyer. I gave a startled gasp, and after willing for my heartbeat to slow down, I said, "Jesus, Sawyer, you scared me."

He blushed. "Sorry. I – I thought you saw me . . ."

His shyness was really cute. "It's OK. What's up?"

"Nothing in particular." Sawyer paused and smiled bashfully, inching a bit closer to me. "You look beautiful, Reed." Poor guy still looked nervous and I, in return, was feeling a bit uncomfortable. We had never . . . talked like this. Like we were more than just friends. His word choice could have been interpreted as normal friend talk, but after getting rid of Josh and being officially single, things were enhanced. Different.

"Uh, thanks." I looked down at my dress and said with a shrug, "It's a bit extravagant . . . I'm not used to this stuff."

"By wearing it, it shows you're willing to tolerate it. But you're not tolerating, are you?" The tone of our conversation sounded a little serious, so I kept my mouth shut. Sawyer suddenly gave me a simple smile and said, "You like it. So enjoy it.

"You deserve it."

I glanced around the Palace hall, which could have rivaled any casino in Vegas, at my friends who were desperately trying to win some cash, and back to a beaming Sawyer. I did deserve it. After two years of trials and tribulations, I deserved to be rewarded.

"Thanks, Sawyer. It means a lot." Smiling back I said, "_You_ enjoy yourself, OK? I'm going to go and check up on some things." He nodded and I patted his shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze. I wasn't lying about him having fun.

I walked off and inspected the hall. A ton of people were here, and we couldn't have been happier. All of our hard work paid off. The party was exclusive, rich, and spoiled – the very essence of high society.

Over to the side, I saw Astrid at a table with a bunch of old men with younger-looking wives. I could tell she was distressed because she kept running her fingers through her hair. Having nothing better to do, I decided to go over and check on her.

"Hey, Astrid," I said, sliding in next to her. Quickly, I found out she was playing Texas Hold 'Em. The table seemed hot, and it also appeared Astrid knew what she was doing.

"Oh, Reed, thank God you're here." She leaned in and whispered vehemently, "I have no bloody idea what I'm doing. I'm going to send you a text, and you text me back, alright?"

It took me a while to understand what Astrid told me, but mere seconds later, I heard a ring from my clutch. Discreetly, I moved to the side and tried to read the text without any prying eyes. Astrid smiled approvingly, glad she didn't need to tell me how to act so people wouldn't think she was cheating.

I read the message; she didn't know the difference between a flush and a straight. I began typing, telling her a flush beats a straight. All of a sudden, the table began talking way too loud, and a few looked flat-out pissed.

"Look lady, why don't you quit the game or fold, alright? You're wasting my goddamn time," a handsome, burly man across the table said. I hadn't realized how long it took me to text back, explaining her that a flush was five cards in the same suit but not a sequence, and that a straight was five cards in a sequence but not in the same suit. Hurriedly, I sent it.

"Sod off," Astrid said. "I'll take my damn time, thank you very much."

Keeping the nonchalant manner going, Astrid glanced at her cell phone, tucked it between her legs and smiled. I glanced back at Astrid over my shoulder, and she gave me the tiniest of smirks.

Smirking also, I went off, saying hellos to people here and there. After a short time, I heard a loud "Fucking ace!" from a table. I directed my attention towards the sound, and saw Astrid was hugging the same man who told her to quit.

"Hey, Reed."

I jumped at the sound of my voice, and willed for my heartbeat to slow down for the second time this evening. Much to my dismay, Josh was standing right in front of me. His golden locks were thrown all around his face, and his hand encircled a glass of champagne.

"Josh."

He gave a pained, nervous laugh, looking directly at me. I tilted my head up, showing him I didn't care, and that I was too pissed to even see him. "I wanted to talk to you."

Well, I didn't want to talk to him. "Yeah?" I asked brusquely. I was itching to leave.

Josh sighed. "I wanted to apologize. I should have told you about the – the thing or whatever. I didn't want you to get mad at me, not that it did any good, but . . ."

I shook my head and said, "But you and Ivy ended up teaming together. That tells me a lot, Josh. It tells me you did do it on purpose. You wanted to."

"No, no! I mean, I was forced to go down and say stuff, and – OK, fine. I thought if I went and gave this testimony, all the future crazies who might want to hurt you wouldn't come! I did it to protect you and everyone else," Josh explained.

Yes, Josh wanted to save me. Yes, I was still angry with him, but in all actuality, I was trying to find an excuse just to be mad at him. After all, his betrayal wasn't a big deal because we were still rebuilding Billings back. I didn't have to be angry with Josh. I was being stupid.

A wave of relief and peace followed after. This fight was petty and unnecessary. I could move past this. So, sticking out my hand yet again, I said, "I'm sorry for acting like an idiot. I really am."

"Don't be – part of it is my fault." Josh stepped forward grasped my hand firmly, looking straight through me. Our hands were intertwined for a prolonged period of time, neither of us letting go. I saw him breathe a sigh of relief, as I did.

Finally, Josh seemed to get a grip on himself and let go of my hand. He smiled a little forcedly, but after a few seconds, his lips formed a genuine grin. He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking slightly flushed and said, "You know, the first time I saw you, I knew you were . . . something. What it was, I didn't know. I just knew."

A moment of comfortable silence passed between us. "When I first saw you," I explained, "I thought you were a nerdy boy who followed Thomas around." His brows furrowed at my revelation, so I continued. "And I was right - don't think I didn't notice the Star Trek collection under your bed!"

"What? No way," he burst out. "No one knows of my collector's edition! How did you even find out?"

I smirked, laughter getting ready to erupt. "I saw it under your bed. Sometimes, I would see the DVDs out of the box; that was when I knew you were watching it."

We both began to laugh in a light and airy manner. It was comfortable, normal for us; there was nothing in between. A few tears leaked out of Josh's eyes, and he tilted his champagne glass towards me. "That's gay. You of all people – it was supposed to be a secret!" He chuckled once more, leaning against the wall.

"We were good back then, weren't we?" I asked, playfully tugging my golden belt. I glanced up and smiled at Josh.

He inhaled and leaned forward, motioning for me to come closer. He bent over and whispered, "I'll let you in on a secret."

"Uh huh."

Josh pulled back and grinned, drinking the remains of his champagne. "We're better now."

And I believed him because we really were.

* * *

**A/N: Many thanks to my reviewers and to Glyndewar for beta-ing. **

**Just three more chapters and it's over! The playlist is coming up if you want to check it out. **


	28. Some Girls

Some Girls

It was day two and I was already exhausted. Gambling night was a success, and more people were trying to get in the party. We couldn't accept any more, but we told them their donations were greatly appreciated.

They didn't answer back.

It didn't matter if they responded back or not because we were getting so much money anyway. Today, Kiran got a couple of designers to help us out with the auction. Noelle, Taylor, Kiran and I were waiting for a couple of them to show up.

"So, who is exactly supposed to come?" I asked. I wasn't familiar with designers, considering my upbringing. Even though I spent time with rich classmates, I had yet to grasp the names of all them.

"I told you already; there's Zac Posen and Donatella Versace. It took a lot of persuasion on my part, but let's hope they enjoy this. And the people who spent money to come here," explained Kiran. She was dressed in a lovely pink LBD, her hair tumbling past her shoulders.

Taylor snorted. "A lot of persuasion on your part? I'm sure the only thing you had to do was whine and complain," she said, smirking.

Kiran rolled her eyes and for once, did not respond back. Her eyes suddenly lit up and she exclaimed, "Here they come!"

The four of us lined up, our arms at our sides. I saw a man with dark hair, dressed in a silver suit, helping an overly tan lady with bleach blonde hair out of the limousine. I immediately felt out of place, seeing how Kiran gracefully welcomed the two, and how Noelle and Taylor were able to fit in also.

The bleach blonde lady was Donatella Versace, a fashionable woman who took over the company after her brother died. Her makeup was caked on, trying to hide the wrinkles the Botox couldn't fix. She had a deep, manly voice of an average Italian, and she was beyond skinny. The skimpy orange dress left little to imagine; it made me wonder why she was wearing anything at all.

Zac Posen, I came to find out, thought I was exceptionally beautiful, although my legs were a bit beefy. (I played soccer, after all). He kept twirling my hair, exclaiming how lovely the shade was and told Noelle to get rid of her gothic look.

She wasn't too happy. According to her, black was a sophisticated color which embodied elegance and class.

After a few minutes of chatting, the Palace doors opened, and in came fifteen slender, gorgeous girls. "Who are they?" I asked Noelle. I didn't remember inviting more people to come.

"They're the models for the show, Reed Unobservant Brennen. Kiran's going to model also," Noelle explained. I noticed that she had gotten rid of her black Chanel leather gloves, something Zac told her to take off. This fashion show reminded me of when Kiran held one in St. Barth's.

"Oh," I said, feeling stupid.

Noelle scoffed. "Come on. We have to get the show ready." She linked an arm around mine and dragged me along.

The show, also a silent auction, was being held in the same hall where gambling night was at. Most of the ladies were piled in the room, each chatting excitedly. Half of it was cut off for the models to get ready backstage. There were sixteen clothes for all of the models, including Kiran, from each designer. Zac Posen was going first and then Versace; the people were going to write the price of the dress they wanted on a sheet of paper, and after the show, whoever had the highest bid, they were going to get the dress.

Some of the interns who were working under Pat McGrath, _the_ legendary makeup artist, were backstage helping the models look pretty. Pat was a friend of Posen's, and he asked her to tag along, which she gladly did. All of the Billings girls were backstage, since apparently the real fashion drama happened behind the curtains. Everyone was doting on the models, putting on globs of foundation while the designers tried to make the outfits look even tighter.

Currently, I was sitting in a foldable chair, watching the spectacle in front of me. I didn't know what to do as the rest of the Billings girls participated with the hair and makeup. I never had fun talking about makeup and dresses, but my time in Billings taught me how to deal with it.

"How's it going, Reed? Liking the world of fashion and drama?" asked London. She came over and plopped down next to me, a bottle of champagne in her hand. Where she got these bottles from, I had no idea.

"Sure," I replied back. "I'm clearly not used–"

A loud shout came from the other side of the room, and glass shattering afterwards. London and I frowned, wondering what was going on. Suddenly, there was more shouting and a tall brunette came out from behind a curtain, her face red with rage.

"Fuck you Posen! You promised me I would wear that dress, but instead you give me this!" The girl went over to a chair and knocked it down, spinning around and facing Posen.

"I want it now!"

"Oh, please," Zac began, his silver suit rippling in the light. "Stop being a whiny bitch and get it over with. This isn't even New York fashion week; what's the big deal?"

The girl scoffed and dangerously stepped closer. "You want to know what my problem is? It's you – you fucking lie to me all the time! Back in the fall show, you said I could wear your signature, but instead you gave it to some no-name! And you're still doing the same thing! I quit!"

Everyone in the room was quiet, watching the fight. London was about ready to laugh, her skinny frame shaking. My eyes darted back and forth between Zac and the model; Zac was calm as ever, while the girl was fuming.

"You're just wasting my time, sweetheart," Zac ended up replying.

"Good," said the model as she took of the futuresque black dress off. She was completely naked, save for a pair of panties, but she unashamedly walked across the room and went off, lifting the horrible finger and pointing it at everyone.

London and the rest of the Billings girls weren't lying about drama behind the curtains. A blow dryer was on, something the owner had yet to realize, for he was fixated on the show in front of him. I was too shocked.

"_Ragazza stupida. Chi pensa che è? La femmina grassa. Giuro, uno di questi giorni . ._ ." said Donatella, shaking her head and applying more lipstick.

Immediately after she said whatever it was in Italian, people began bustling about and the shouts got louder. I sat still, having no clue what to do. I quickly realized that Zac and Versace were one model down since they were sharing the models.

"Wait! Wait! We are one model down!" Zac screamed out. "We only have thirty minutes left! Shit," he exclaimed. It was high time someone realized that problem.

"This stuff happens all the time," London told me as she stretched her arms. "Models are so snotty and bratty. I mean, I'm not even like that–"

"Hey, you!"

London stopped talking and I froze on the spot. I was trying to see who said that when the person called again, "Reed!"

It was Zac who was calling me. He was motioning me to come over while holding the dress the model took off. Oh no, he wanted me to model for him.

I simply could not do it.

Zac jumped over to my side and dragged me to the nearest makeup chair. I barely had any time to think as he began to tell the makeup artist what to do, and to do it fast. Donatella came over and also gave instructions. I had to stop him before anything else happened _right now_.

"Stop," I said. I looked around for some help, but all of my friends were watching and doing nothing. Noelle kept staring at me as she languidly rested her arm on a chair.

"Stop it!" I yelled out.

The hairstylist, the makeup artist and the two designers halted their actions, curiously eyeing me. "I can't do this," I said weakly. "I've never modeled before, and I would ruin your show. Maybe you should pick someone else."

"She's right," I heard Noelle say. She came over to my makeup section and crossed her arms. "She doesn't even know how to walk. Give it to someone who probably knows how to do it," Noelle said.

I frowned, upset at what Noelle had just said. Obviously, I wasn't part of the world of the wealthy, but the way that she had said it sounded . . . mean. Like she thought of me as a nobody. Being a very close friend of mine, she should have encouraged me instead of degrading me.

I was hurt.

Now that she had said something like _that_, I wanted to go up on the stage and take over the show. I was capable of doing anything. I was capable of wearing a two thousand dollar dress and walking like a pro. I wanted to prove Noelle wrong.

"Oh no – this girl is mine," said Zac. He bent over and brought his face down to mine, smiling hugely. "You'll do great."

And great I did. At least before the show.

Mountains of makeup were dumped on me and Zac's cool looking dress was fitted to my measurements. Donatella ended up choosing Tiffany to model one of her dresses; she was also uncomfortable, for she was always behind the camera and she didn't like being in the spotlight. By the time the people began to push the models out one by one, I was shaking with fear.

"I can't do this! I simply can't," I muttered, pacing back and forth. We, the models, we lined up, and Zach and Pat were fixing us before we left. All of a sudden, I had the urge to go to the washroom. Oh no, this was getting out of hand.

"Yes you can, Reed," said Kiran in an effort to clam me down. "Just pretend everyone is sitting in their underwear."

That was not a good thought.

"Oh, I guess it's time for me to go!" Kiran lithely turned around and put a thin hand on my shoulder, her gorgeous eyes staring me down. "Own them."

_Breathe in, breathe out._

I could do this. If I could survive attempted murders, I could survive walking down a goddamn runway.

* * *

It turned out, I couldn't.

When I got on the actual runway, I almost froze before I realized I needed to get my ass moving. And when I began to walk, it was the most painful thing to do, all thanks to the ridiculous five inch heels I was forced to wear. By the time I got to the end, I thought _fuck it_, smiled and acted like an idiot.

Everyone said I did a great job, but I was thoroughly humiliated. Right now, I was sitting in the many tables as I watched professional burlesque dancers, London, Vienna and Kiran try to look sultry. I was currently drowning my second glass of wine and I felt the need to drink more.

A dancer who had shocking red hair with a gold mask brought her hands down to her knees and luxuriously brought them up, running her fingers over her lacy maroon corset, smiling and blowing kisses. Her fingertips seemed to barely touch her body, but I found myself enamored by the sight in front of me, my eyes following each thumb, each forefinger. There was something deeply erotic and seducing about it. At least I wasn't thinking about my horrible runway walk.

I continued to be led astray by my naughty thoughts even when Sawyer sat down next to me. I was tipsy, and remembering my first incident from drinking, I pushed the glass aside.

"Hey, Sawyer. What's up?"

It was kind of hard to see Sawyer. The only source of light came from around the stage and the bar area, but even without the light, he looked handsome. His eyes were twinkling and he leaned in closer, his cologne wafting up my nose. It smelled divine.

"I'm good. You seemed a little down, so I thought I should come over here. You don't mind, do you?" Sawyer asked.

"Oh no! Of course not. Liking the dancers?" I drawled out, drunk and pissed at myself.

Sawyer clicked his tongue. "Nope, I never did and I never will. It's one thing if you and your significant other are alone, but to be in a room with a hundred other men thinking about . . . whatever they're thinking about, well, let's just say it's not my forte," Sawyer explained. "It's repulsive. Women deserve to be respected and loved – at least, not like this," he finished, tilting his head towards the stage.

"Wow, I'm surprised. I didn't know you thought like that," I said. I really was. It showed me he didn't enjoy a one night stand or any casual hookup; if he was in it, he was going to do his best.

He shrugged and leaned back, giving his signature vulnerable smile. _"Solo per lei, la mia regina," _Sawyer whispered in Italian.

I blushed. "What does that mean?"

"Ah-ah," he chided. "It's a secret you can't know." He then frowned and looked away, contemplating something. "Actually . . . I'm not sure exactly what it means . . . ."

I couldn't help but smile. I sighed and leaned back also, slowly resting my head on Sawyer's shoulder. Glancing up, I saw him smile back and I snuggled in deeper, inhaling his wonderful scent.

We both watched the show, neither of us saying a word. He didn't wrap his arm around me (probably because he was shy), but it was comfortable, the way we sat. My drunken eyes darted around, looking at the dancers, the people, and the awesome decorations.

Out of nowhere, I saw two people – a boy and a girl – walk stealthy out of the room, the boy looking behind for any followers. With a jolt, I realized the two people were Daniel and Paige Ryan.

My insides froze. What were _they_ doing here? Of course, they went to Easton and Paige was a Billings legend, but for some reason, the sight of them made me sick. There was something oddly familiar, watching the two go by in such a hurried manner . . .

"Uh Sawyer, I'm going to go and check up on the girls. You don't mind?" I politely asked. In reality, I was itching to run and follow the twins.

He shook his head and said, "No, not at all."

Without delay, I took off, not wanting to waste time. The darkened room seemed to get darker, and I fought hard not to trip along the way. A black flap, which looked like a suit jacket, whipped off into a hallway, so I followed. My heart was thumping faster and faster, remembering my incident at the rave club, which almost led to my death. I shuddered at the thought and moved on.

I turned a sharp corner since I saw two shadows going there also. Immediately, their scent drifted up to my nose. The scent . . . Where exactly was it from? It was on the tip of my tongue, bugging the hell out of me. Where _did_ I smell it from?

"Dan, stop being such a scared ass. I told you everything was going to work out, so please, quit bothering me!" Paige hissed out. I skidded in my tracks, not realizing they stopped walking. I hid around the corner, my ear sticking out as far as it could go.

"How am I supposed to believe you? That's what you said last time!" A loud bang was heard after; I had a feeling he hit the wall beside him.

"Last time was last time! Trust me on this, it will work. Both you and I, not to mention–"

"Shut the fuck up, Paige. You know _she_ won't be happy, and _I'm_ not happy." There was a shuffling of feet indicating someone was moving closer. "For once, try to make me happy."

A moment of silence passed before there was more movement of feet. I stood still, scared senseless, afraid that they were coming out. If they did, where would I run?

But then, another noise caught me off guard.

Reacting to instinct, I poked my head inside the hallway. I fought hard not to vomit from sheer shock. I was shaking – not from fear, but from finding this new revelation.

_Incest. _

They were kissing. Daniel and Paige Ryan – brother and sister – were kissing. It wasn't a little peck on the lips. It was a full blown French kiss, their hands traveling down to the other's side. Daniel was making a grab for Paige's breasts in soft, careful actions. I could've sworn I heard Paige moan.

I simply had enough.

Carefully, I turned around and walked back to the oblivious people. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that Paige and Daniel, who were family, were having sexual relations. They were able to hide it from everyone – their close friends in St. Barth's, even from the people at home. It was disgusting. The Ryan family was weird.

But another thing was bothering me. What were the Ryan twins talking about? What were they going to do this time? Why hadn't it worked last time? What was so secretive about it?

Crazy rich people. I could never get used to them.

* * *

**A/N: Many thanks to my reviewers. Sorry about the wait; I was busy. This chapter has not been fixed, so please forgive for any mistakes. Just two more chapters to go! Bear with me. **

**Donatella's Italian translation: **"Stupid girl. Who does she think she is? Fat bitch. I swear, one of these days . . ."

**Sawyer's Italian translation: **"Only for you, my queen."

**Playlist for this party will be up soon, in case if you're interested. **


	29. Pardon?

Pardon?

"I can't believe how far we've gotten! This is so cool," Constance gushed. She took a sip from her glass and glanced around, exclaiming, "Think about how much money we've received! And, think about how legendary we're going to be – once this fundraiser is over, people will be blown away."

I nodded and also looked around the same hall we had inhabited for three days. Today was the final fundraiser; it wasn't glamorous or over the top, but it was something. Pink hydrangeas were dotted all around the room, and white silk curtains hung with hints of green sprayed across them. Waiters and waitresses in perfect, starched clothing handed off drinks and appetizers.

"Yeah, I agree with you there. I think they should have a plaque by now," I said. I suddenly envisioned the names of all the Billings alumnae posted on the Billings wall, but then I realized there wasn't a wall to envision it in the first place.

"A plaque? Please, Reed, we don't do plaques. Billings is anything but plaques. Future generations of Billings girls will remember our names not from reading an ugly piece of metal, but from hearing about our legendary – stuff," Constance said patriotically.

Laughing, I said, "OK, OK – I get it. I'll blame it on my redneck upbringing." Constance snorted, and we resumed watching and standing.

I should've been walking around and getting acquainted with rich, powerful people, but the Christian Louboutins Kiran forced me to slip on were torturing me. I was wearing a simple pastel green blouse and a white knee length skirt, but damn it, it was anything but simple. The outfit was completely skintight, and sitting down was impossible without ripping the skirt and having unwanted attention to my chest.

"Reed! Oh, how wonderful to see you!" I heard someone say.

I turned around and saw none other than Suzel, looking like a vision in a white jumpsuit. She beaming from ear to ear and outstretched her arms, enveloping me in a warm hug.

"Suzel! How are you?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her. I hadn't seen her for a very long time, and I was glad I could finally see her again.

"I'm great." She paused and looked at Constance, smiling. "And you must be Constance."

Constance was too shocked to say anything else, so she nodded without saying a word, tongue tied after seeing her idol. Suzel laughed and faced me again, saying, "I need you to come with me right now. There's something important I want to do."

"Sure," I replied, and Suzel immediately took me by the hand, dragging me to the center of the room. I gave Constance a bewildered look, but she just smiled and waved. Suzel kept a strong hold on my arm, pushing past people who wanted to talk to her. For some reason, I had the urge to find Noelle; I hadn't seen her all day, since she left very early in the morning. But as we approached the stage, my heart thumped louder and I had a feeling something bad was going to happen.

Suddenly, Suzel stopped walking and let go of my arm. She looked at me in the eye and said, "I'm going to give a small speech. I know you guys did everything, but I feel I should give thanks. Do you mind?"

I shook my head. "Oh no, it's fine! We're glad to have you here," I said sincerely. Suzel gave me a smirk and patted my shoulder.

"_I'm_ so glad you came here and participated in all of this," said Suzel. Upon seeing my frown, she included, "You know, the thing at St. Barth's, and what happened at the end of the last term." Of course – I had forgotten everyone knew about my unfortunate predicaments.

A moment of uncomfortable silence swept by, as I tried to forget the images running through my head. Suzel broke the spell by roughly patting my shoulder and heading up. Once she got on the stage, the room instantly became hushed. All eyes were on Suzel; she got the microphone, trapping it around her thin fingers and turning it on. "Good afternoon everyone!"

The room murmured back their hellos. To the side, I saw Astrid and Constance come over and stand next to me. Suzel continued. "I know it's not my place to stand here, but I wanted to thank everyone who came here. Also," she added, "I want to thank the new generation of Billings – the girls who put so much effort in rebuilding what was lost." The spectators clapped in their polite Upper East Side manner.

"But I also want to thank someone else who has had a tough couple of years. Despite all of the setbacks, she has given everything she has for Billings and for this fundraiser. I think it's appropriate I should call Miss Reed Brennan up for a speech!"

_What? _

My worried gaze darted back and forth between Astrid and Constance. No – this couldn't be. Why was Suzel calling me up to make a speech? I wasn't president. Noelle was going to _kill_ me for sure. Didn't Suzel know Noelle was the president and that she should be giving a speech? What was I going to say?

"Reed has worked so hard for Billings – spending her time and energy for this fundraiser when she could be doing what average teenage girls do. So," said Suzel, "thank you, Reed. Thank you for everything."

The clapping and the cheering got louder, but my shame dug deeper inside my skin. Astrid and Constance gave me blank looks as old wealthy people pushed me towards the stage. I tried looking for Noelle, but all I could see were people covered in hundred dollar makeup and dressed in the latest couture.

I didn't like how Suzel was acting as if I did everything. It was a combined effort, and I felt horrible for Noelle. Besides, where was she? I didn't deserve it, right?

Slowly, I got up on the stage. Suzel was grinning and she handed me the microphone. "Suzel, I – Noelle . . . ." I was at loss of words. Noelle was going to kill me for this.

"Oh, hush. It's your time to shine," she hissed, walking off the stage and standing in the front row.

I wasn't standing in the middle of the stage, but I was the center of attention. A heat flash washed over me, and my pretty little clothes were getting unbearably hot. Every single eye was on me, and a weird sense of déjà vu got to me. At the last fundraiser, I was told to give a speech and everything went downhill from there. What if it happened again? I couldn't risk another embarrassing moment.

Glancing up, I saw the faces of my friends giving me and each other baffled looks. I knew what they were thinking – they were thinking what the hell was going on. Towards the edge of the room, I saw a beautiful Ivy come inside the room, her piercing stare telling me to move on with my speech. She tipped her champagne glass at me and smirked.

This was getting too much to handle.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "Hi . . . everyone." Saliva gathered in my mouth, and I swallowed noisily. "Uh, I guess I should thank Suzel for . . . thanking me!" I finished lamely. I gave an embarrassed laugh and tugged my skirt, trying to buy time.

"Um . . . ." Again, I lost any words to say. My eyes scanned for Noelle, but I couldn't see her anywhere. All I saw were the old, new and annoying people intently watching me. "I guess I should really thank all of the people who participated with this fundraiser," I began. "Really, if it wasn't for you, this would not have been a success." I saw people nod, and people started to clap and whistle. A burst of pride came forward, and for the first time tonight, I felt great.

"I also want to thank the Billings girls who poured sweat and blood for this fundraiser. And finally, a huge thanks to–" I stopped midsentence, as I saw a black skirt and brunette hair whip past the room, walking steadily for the nearest door.

_Noelle. _

I had to call her up, and quick.

"– a huge thanks to Noelle Lange, Billings president. She was the one who – who organized everything and worked the hardest. So, uh, thank you!" I said, my words lacking the warmth and enthusiasm I wished to project.

"So . . . Again, thank you all who came here and made this fundraiser an achievement." With shaking fingers, I shut the microphone before anyone could hear me breathe a sigh of relief. But as I looked around, I saw everyone bringing their hands together and making noise, a few whistling and others chanting my name.

Coming down the steps, I had never felt this kind of euphoria before. I never felt like I fully accomplished something. Despite the fact I said "so" a lot of times and failed to make a proper speech, I felt important. Worthy enough to rank up in high society.

But Noelle didn't think so.

Once I saw her, I immediately ran and tried to catch up. She was walking extremely fast, whipping past people in a fast pace. I caught glances of some of the Billings girls; they each had confused looks on their faces. I focused my attention back to getting Noelle, but it was a hard task to do.

She abruptly turned a corner. All of a sudden, I ran into her thin, yet formidable figure. I pulled back in enough time, fully seeing her. Noelle looked pissed. It wasn't the devious kind of pissed where she knew she was going to get even with someone. No, this was pure anger. This was rage. This was . . . jealousy?

"How dare you. How dare you steal _my_ fundraiser, and _my_ speech in front of hundreds of people? How dare you," Noelle spat.

I was stunned. I tried everything in my power to include Noelle, and she ran off like a wounded, spoiled kitten. She was completely serious. "Noelle, I–"

"You know what?" she cut out. "If it wasn't for me, no one would be taking you seriously. _I_ made you a Billings girl. _I_ made you into someone. _I_ made you get noticed by the wealthiest people in the country. You would have never been a Billings president, and you sure as hell wouldn't have gone to St. Barth's if it wasn't from me.

"I made you, and you have a funny way of saying thanks."

Stringing letters and sentences was getting extremely hard right now. I shook my head, trying to wrap around Noelle's accusations. Where was all of this coming from? And why?

"By the time we come back to Easton, I don't want to see your face. Got it? You're worth nothing to me – to no one."

"Back off, Noelle," a soft yet firm voice called from behind. Slowly, the person came forward, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. To my surprise, I saw Ivy by my side, wildly looking at Noelle. "She's earned it."

One by one, more of the Billings girls circled around us, taking in the scene. I swallowed, remembering the last fundraiser which literally ended my life. Somehow, this was worse.

Noelle clicked her tongue. "Slade, I would highly suggest–"

"If I were you, I would suggest nothing. Look at all of you," said Ivy, slowly backing away and facing each of us. "You guys don't like watching this, do you? Because now, you don't have the power to stop it. There's no house to kick someone out of. There's no . . . exile. You guys know it's not right." Ivy smiled at me, her eyes getting darker and darker by the second.

"There's no house to determine who lives in the better rooms. There aren't higher ranking girls than you. You're all equal. And it scares the shit out of you," Ivy continued, staring directly at Noelle. "So, my dear Noelle, I would suggest you back down because frankly – let's face it – you've lost your touch. Reed did as much work as anyone else. Each of you," said Ivy as her eyes darted to each of the Billings girls, "deserve something better than an unspoken rule that says _Noelle Lange_ is better than you."

"Fuck off Ivy. Is this why you came here? Trying to overthrow me again?" Noelle mocked, although her voice was devoid any maliciousness.

Ivy smirked and ignored Noelle. "I think you guys know what I'm talking about. See you later, ladies." And with that, she was gone, leaving us to ponder what she had said.

Ivy was right. We were all equals now. Yes, there were still some unwritten rules, but Billings was _the_ rule. If you were deemed worthy, you were in. You were immediately thrown into the world of the privileged. If no one even considered you, then you were nothing.

But ever since Billings was torn down, we had lost the law – we lost what made Billings Billings. The lines were blurred. Anyone could do anything. Sure, people who weren't part of Billings didn't bother trying, but us girls didn't need order. There wasn't anything to lose. There was no status at Easton, no prestigious dorm to live in. This fundraiser was another way of trying to attain the one rule we lived by.

And Miss Noelle Lange was desperately trying to hold onto her power, which was gradually dwindling away. That made me feel horrible.

With a disgusted oath, I stepped back, intending for Noelle's confrontation to end. "You – you selfish, envious brat. You say you made me? News flash Noelle – you did it out of guilt! You did it out of your own fun! You wanted me to join Billings so you could have the honor of bringing a novelty into the house. You made me stay for another semester during my sophomore year because you felt guilty for murdering Thomas!

"As for St. Barth's? That was out of guilt, too: guilt for treating me like crap, guilt for being _wrong_. You make me sick," I hissed out. "You make me pity you."

Mustering up as much courage as I could, I turned my heel and walked away, heading straight for the doors. I saw a distraught Taylor eyeing me, while Kiran sipped her martini luxuriously. My friends clumsily moved, making way for my dramatic exit. Sweat gathered on my palms, fully knowing this was a make it or break it moment. Grasping the brass handles firmly, I stepped out into the sun and breathed a sigh of relief.

I didn't know what the repercussions were going to be, but I felt liberated. My insides felt clean, pure, and free of Noelle. Free of rules, free of goddamn stupid rules. I felt free of . . . Billings?

The odd thought brought me to a halt. Did I really want to end something I had fought for the past two years at Easton? Just an hour ago, I was willing to do anything for Billings. But now, I was tired. I was tired of trying to understand something I would never know. And for the first time I came to Easton, I was alright with it.

"Reed! Wait up!"

The clacking of heels brought my attention. My insides swelled as I saw Constance, Astrid, Tiffany, London, Vienna and Portia come stand by me. They were all breathing heavily, trying to regain their oxygen. "What . . .?"

"We're going with you," Constance simply stated.

"No matter what happens, Reed, we'll be here," Tiffany added, grinning.

I couldn't help but smile.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again to those who reviewed, and thanks to Glyndewar for editing. **

**One more chapter guys, and this will be over! Tell me what you think. :]**


	30. Not Fair

Not Fair

"Reed, I don't complain much, but I'm starving," Sawyer whined. It was a bright Monday morning, and after the disastrous fundraiser, I was finally able to immerse myself with books and no drama. I told Sawyer we were heading out to breakfast about five minutes ago, but I seemed to have lost my phone.

"I'm sorry! I need to find my phone now," I said. "Help me look for it, will you?"

Sawyer nodded and we both got to work. I would have told him to call my cell, but he left his at Ketlar. I knocked over a few text books and threw my jeans on my bed, but my phone was nowhere to be seen. I groaned in frustration. I needed it _now_.

"So, are you ready for today?" asked Sawyer. He was now looking under the bed while I dug through my drawers.

"Sure," I said, trying to be nonchalant about it.

The truth was, I was scared senseless. I had pretty much told Noelle to kiss my ass, and the fact that some of the Billings girls were picking sides scared the crap out of me. I didn't want friendships to break. I didn't want people to think this was another power struggle. This argument was between Noelle and myself, and no one else.

I really needed a month or two by myself.

Suddenly, Sawyer got up from under the bed and retrieved my phone, dropping it on the floor when a shrill ring sounded. He blushed and murmured some nonsense about not being able to handle surprises, handing me my phone. I thanked him and pressed the green button, not bothering to read the caller I.D.

"Hello?"

"Reed! How are you, sweetheart?"

My heart jumped over and over. "Dad! I'm so glad you called!" I exclaimed, sitting down on the bed. Sawyer grumbled and sat down on the desk chair, rubbing his stomach. I motioned him to leave and eat, but he shook his head, waiting for me instead.

"Yeah, me too. Hey listen, I have to get to work, but I managed to go to the bank. I've left a treat for you. You know, for the fundraiser and hard work," said Dad. "So, uh, congrats." He gave a nervous laugh on the other end; we weren't used to father-daughter moments.

Sawyer was checking his mail on my laptop. I smiled and said, "Dad, you didn't have to do that. How much did you put in my account, anyway?"

"Well, I'm not sure . . . ."

"Dad, please don't lie to me." I got up and went over to the desk, silently telling Sawyer to move out of the chair. He made a mocking gesture, bowing to me and holding the chair out. I giggled and sat down, going on to Chase's online banking website. I logged on and found out he made a two hundred dollar deposit.

I groaned aloud again. "A two hundred dollar deposit? I don't need that kind of money. You should have kept it–"

I felt as if I had been slapped in the face with a whip and had a bucket of ice thrown at me. My phone slipped through my fingers. My limbs refused to work, and hell, my brain wasn't working either. Oh God. What the hell was this?

There was another deposit for twenty-seven million dollars, under the name of "Billings Fundraiser". All the money we had collected was in _my_ account. _Mine_. How did this happen? Why? Shouldn't it have been with the board members?

Tears began to pour down. I could hear my dad calling my name through the phone, but I was in no condition to talk to him. Something terribly wrong was going on. This couldn't possibly be real. It was almost as if I had . . . stolen the money.

"Reed? What's wrong?" asked Sawyer. He shut the phone and threw it on the bed. His worried face came nearer, his warm hands cupping my face. I hiccupped and more tears fell. "Reed?"

"I – I don't know what to–"

A loud knock was heard on my door. I jumped and immediately tried to stop my crying. Sawyer let go of me and got up, slowly heading towards the door. My heart was drumming in a fast pace, its sound deafening my ears. Out of instinct, I shut my laptop and unsuccessfully tried to wipe the moisture away. Whoever did this was playing a sick joke. I could get arrested for this.

It seemed like others had the same idea as me.

"What the hell is going on?" Sawyer exclaimed. I tried looking past Sawyer, but the doorway was blocked. Why did he sound distressed?

"Sir, I need you to move out of the way. We have a warrant to arrest Miss Brennan."

_Arrest Miss Brennan_.

Oh my God. Whoever planted the fundraiser money was setting me up. Setting me up for a day in jail. A month at a juvenile center. Setting me up for a lifetime of humiliation was the perfect revenge.

"What? No," I stammered out. With shaking legs, I too got up and walked to the door. My sight was blurred due to my lingering tears, but the blue uniforms and the serious faces were stoically staring right at me. "No," I moaned out. "I didn't do anything!"

In a few minutes, I was handcuffed, my rights were read to me, and I was being shoved down the stairs. My mind was reeling; who wanted to do this to me? Who called the police and told them I, a plain girl from Pennsylvania, stole millions of dollars? Was it Noelle? No, that was impossible. Giving money to me was the last thing on her mind. Then who was it? And why?

The front doors of Pemberly opened, and the officer roughly pushed me passed the doors. To my horror, I saw much of Easton's student body curiously watching, whispering about the latest scandal. There were three police cars, and over to the side, I saw Headmaster Hathaway furiously yelling at one of the cops. More tears fell down. This was real. I was going to jail for something I didn't do.

"What the fuck is going on? Reed, why are you handcuffed?"

I whipped my head to the side and saw a beet red Noelle, pushing past students and coming front row. She looked at the police and my current state. "Tell me!"

"Ma'am, I need you to back away, please," said one cop.

"I don't know. Someone's framed me," I said, more tears forming around my eyes. "Noelle, help me!"

Considering how bad our relationship was right now, I didn't think she was even going to think about my proposal. I didn't think she would care. But upon seeing her frightened yet determined face, I knew that no matter what, we were still friends. And she was going to help me get out of this.

In a span of two years, I had survived three or four murder attempts, countless humiliations and ranking upin a society I had only ever dreamed of. But today marked the day where I was forever going to be known as the girl who had so much, and lost it all in a matter of seconds.

Before I was shoved inside the smelly police car, I could have sworn I heard a loud, crackling laugh.

I didn't get what was so funny about it.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to my reviewers and to Glyndewar for editing this chapter. I bet you guys didn't see that coming. ;)**

**Well, what a ride this has been. After nine months and thirty chapters, this fic is finally over! I'm not going to lie and say I will miss this because well, I won't. :) But probably later. I do want to thank each and every single one of you who clicked on my story, read it, reviewed, added it to your story alerts and to your favorites. Without you, this would not have been a success. **

**It should be noted I will NOT be doing my own version of Vanished. Why? I simply have too many other fics to finish, and I've kind of lost my touch with the Private series. However, if you want to see what else I've been working on, feel free to check out my profile page and look at what's cooking. **

**Thanks guys! ~TR**


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